Twisted DNA

Two  girls  scouts  are protesting girl scout cookies because they say they are endangering some species.  If you looked at the nutrition information of the cookies they sell, you would agree that one of the endangered species is mankind.

According to this news item the definition of rape has been widened. If a woman refuses sex in the middle of the act, the rest of the act is considered rape. I guess she can re-accept sex making it consensual again. Don’t be surprised if you see criminal cases with the following description:

“She went to his place at 8:00PM. They had coffee. They had sex from 8:30PM to 8:54PM. He raped her from 8:55PM to 9:01PM. Then she reluctantly agreed to sex. So, technically, he partially raped her from 9:02PM to 9:15PM. They both had dinner. Later they had sex after he briefly raped her.”

Pentagon admitted that they accidentally shipped missile parts to Taiwan.  Be assured that US is not in the business of selling arms.  It might so happen that Taiwan may accidentally ship some money to US in the future.  Who knows what accidents happen.

Sarah Jessica Parker is whining that she won the “Unsexiest Woman Alive” award from Maxim readers.  If you ask me, she should be quite glad that she didn’t win the “Unsexiest Horse” award.

A new-born rhinoceros in Kenya has been named “Kofi Annan” after the former UN Secretary General. Mr. Annan has been making phone calls since morning to figure out if that is meant as an honor or insult.

Jamie Lynn Spears, Brittany Spears’ sister, announced today that she and her sister are in competition to see who will have most kids. Analysts predict it is going to be a very interesting competition, as Jamie Lynn has a head start of several years. Sources close to Spears family said that in the future they will also engage in the following competitions:

1. Who marries a bigger sleezebag
2. Shortest marriage.
3. Number of kids falling from high-chair.
4. Number of beaver-flashes in a week
5. Number of no-shows to court appointments
6. Who will go broke first and end up as an authentic trailer-trash

Paris Hilton apparently threw Nicole Richie a baby shower.  Paris walked into the party with a bucket of water and shampoo and asked, “Where is the baby?”

Scientists reported that they found hundreds of black holes they previously thought were missing.  When questioned what is the guarantee that these are the missing black holes not some new ones, they said, “Who the hell cares.  They all look the same.”

Vice President’s wife Lynne Cheney said Senator Obama is a distant cousin of Dick Cheney.  The lengths they go to discredit a democrat!

A person in Japan, who ran a suicide website, was arrested after he took money from a woman to kill her and killed her.  For anybody who wants to run such websites, here is my advice.  Get a frikking dictionary and read what “suicide” means!