There was this interesting “Chuck Norris” theme going on Twitter today. This is my contribution. I didn’t have much time to come up with this so this is all I can manage. (If you don’t know Chuck Norris, you can replace Chuck Norris with Rajnikanth. It makes equal sense)
- Chuck Norris doesn’t need a gun because he can reach the enemy faster
- Chuck Norris won the San Francisco marathon. He started in New York.
- Chuck Norris was delivered via C-Section. He performed it himself
- Chuck Norris pops bubble wrap with his gun
- Chuck Norris is not above the Law. He is the Law
- When Chuck Norris wants ice, he makes it hail
- Baby Chuck Norris didn’t eat Gerber mashed foods. He crushed his own apples
- Chuck Norris never used braces. He straightened his teeth with his tongue
- Chuck Norris uses a lawn mower to shave
- Chuck Norris will tell you if the oven is hot enough by touching it
- When ToysRUs advertises a walker for toddlers, they specify they mean no disrespect the Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris
- f nothing can move faster than light how do you explain Chuck Norris’ guns coming out of holster
- Chuck Norris doesn’t like to handle diamonds because he keeps accidentally crushing them
- Chuck Norris can impregnate a woman on a long distance phone call
- To calm down Chuck Norris when he was a toddler, his mom used to play The Sopranos
- When Chuck Norris wants a mobile phone, he carries around a cell tower
- Chuck Norris doens’t need a gun because he can throw the bullets faster
- Snake bite is a common cause of death near Chuck Norris’ house. He bites a lot of snakes
- In their wilderness survival classes, Mountain lions learn how to identify Chuck Norris
- When Chuck Norris walks into a bar and says “The usual”, bartender shoots a bunch of people
Read all your posts…
Very good…Keep coming…
Chuck Norris can make a rolling stone gather moss.
Chuck Norris can text on an iphone.
Chuck Norris can have his cake AND eat it too.
Chuck Norris can read twisted-dna and not laugh !
Rofl! But…
Can Chuck Norris use the restroom with both of his hands in the air??
And also…
What’s the name of Chuck Norris’ girlfriend?
Chick Norris.
Finally, what’s Chuck Norris’ favourite T shirt message?
“Norris, No gain!”
Cheers!
LOL..saw it on twitter early morning..!!
Rajnikanth seems better!!
Came across your blog. Read all the posts, they were hilarious. Pls do write more
Looks like your well is dry, twisted_dna! You’ve started taking inspiration from email forwards!
We DID try with Rajinikanth some time back…
http://inadeeptrance.blogspot.com/2008/07/rajinikanth-facts.html
Chuck Norris can shorten the day by speeding earth rotation, by one full day!
Chuck Norris can burn the sun with a match stick.
Chuck Norris can shit all over Pluto and make it as big to be called a planet.
Chuck Norris can go back in time, bring a Dinosaur alive and kill it here.
Chuck Norris can write Chuck Norris jokes.
He he … fun post dude!
Why is he biting snakes?
lol!
check this out too http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise. Sorry, I just had to post that.
And yet, Chuck Norris needs a blog post for a boost. Please do me a favor. Chuck Norris.
g
LOL
Substituting to Rajnikanth is even better for me
Here are my additions – making them up on the go.
1. Chuck Norris shaves every morning. What you see on his face is his 5′o clock shadow.
2. Chuck Norris uses sandpaper in his restroom.
3. Chuck Norris’ nails are used by De Beers to cut diamonds.
4. Chuck Norris can make an oven hot by taking off his shirt!
5. Chuck Norris doesn’t need a cigarette lighter, his stare burns through most materials known to man.
6. Ninjas can’t see Chuck Norris coming.
7. Chuck Norris can disable a thermonuclear bomb in 3 seconds while blindfolded and with both hands behind his back.
8. Chuck Norris is 6′2″, lying on his back!
9. Cancer is afraid of Chuck Norris.
10. Chuck Norris had more testosterone in his left thumb at 6 years of age than a whole body of adult bull elephant does during mating season.
I am tapped out.
@ Idling in top Gear
I’d slightly differ on your Point # 7. A thermonuclear bomb quietly diffuses by itself when it sees Chuck Norris coming
Rofl.
Let me try too.
1) Chuck Norris can light a cigaratte with a stare.
This one is a little old ..
2) When Chuck Norris is doing push-ups, he is actually pushing the earth down.
Nice post.
chuck norris compared to rajni? no way..You must have known this one bullet two villians.. one knife,bullet split.. two villains dead story.. even chuck norris requires practice to do that
I dont know who in the world Chuck Norris is, but your description fits Rajinikanth purrfuctlly
Love all your posts btw, u r very funny.
You should follow fakechuck norris on twitter! I love the one which goes “there is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals that chuck norris decided to let live”
If this were Chuck Norris’ blog, all comments would be answered by now
)
(I know, I know, and I would be auto-kicked out
g
Raj:
Thank you
Manish Krishnan:
Chuck Norris can read twisted-dna and not laugh !
He he he! I am flattered
Rofl Indian:
The Chuck Norris Q&A is awesome! You should come up with a few more and post them
ruSh.Me:
Somebody on Facebook already warned me not to post to blog, twitter and facebook all at same time 
LOL..saw it on twitter early morning
Sorry about it
Sudhaa:
Thanks for dropping by
Adithya:
You’ve started taking inspiration from email forwards!
Then it’s in your own best interest to forward me better emails!
Vijay Kumar:
We DID try with Rajinikanth
You and I should go mano-a-mano with our heroes
Dinesh:
Chuck Norris can go back in time, bring a Dinosaur alive and kill it here.
Lol. Don’t they commit suicide as soon as they see Norris
RukmaniRam:
Why is he biting snakes?
How else would you expect Chuck Norris to kill snakes? Use a stick or something like those puny mortals?
aditi c:
I have been a big fan of chucknorrisfacts.com!
Ghazal:
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Haha.
litterateuse:
Chuck Norris.
chuck Norris to where? He is wherever you go in the universe!
If this were Chuck Norris’ blog, all comments would be answered by now
Chuck Norris doesn’t reply to comments. Commenters write their own replies and get them approved by Chuck Norris
I know, I know, and I would be auto-kicked out
And on Chuck Norris’s blog, the above statement applies literally
La Vida Loca:
Substituting to Rajnikanth is even better for me
Shhh.. you don’t want Chuck Norris to hear that
Idling in Top Gear:
4. Chuck Norris can make an oven hot by taking off his shirt!
ROFL!
8. Chuck Norris is 6?2?, lying on his back!
Good one!
Thanks for the laughs!
Rofl Indian:
7. A thermonuclear bomb quietly diffuses by itself when it sees Chuck Norris coming
Hehe.. I was going to say something in those lines then saw your comment
Venkatesh G:
Chuck Norris can light a cigaratte with a stare.
Too late Idling In Top Gear already said that
2) When Chuck Norris is doing push-ups, he is actually pushing the earth down.
Haha. I was replying to somebody over Twitter yesterday. “Chuck Norris doesn’t roll on the ground. Earth just rolls around him”
balu:
one bullet two villians.. one knife,bullet split..
Lol. I remember seeing this! Hard to beat that one
Bhargavi:
I dont know who in the world Chuck Norris is
You don’t know because Chuck Norris doesn’t want you to
Love all your posts
Thank you very much!
chutney:
You should follow fakechuck norris on twitter
I started following yesterday
there is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals that chuck norris decided to let live
Haha!
Chuck Norris won the San Francisco marathon. He started in New York.
LMAO!!
) Chuck Norris indeed is Rajanikanth himself!!
Maybe you should check this site out:
http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/
Ya, I love that site. One of the inspirations for this post
Just stumbled upon your space, and for the record I dont usually EVER trespass in the blogging world.
…So for the record, here goes :
I dont know if this post was being tossed around to have a lil fun at Chuck’s expense,but neverthelesss this thread kinda got me thinking about certain established scientific facts about Sir Rajnisir, mostly unknown to the public at large. If you however were skeptical and needed more concrete details, I would be happy to follow up and furnish them for you
Did you know ?
1.Sir Rajnisir counted to infinity – twice.
( *23 Apr,1978 11:23 a.m- Anno Domini.
*23 Apr,1978 11:24 a.m -Anno Domini.
)
2.Sir Rajnisir invented every colour. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
(*15 Jun 12 B.C
*The invention of pink has been deleted from the history records.Tom cruise has been too.)
3.Sir Rajnisir’s hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
4.Sir Rajnisir gave Mona Lisa that smile.
(*May 1, 1784. We are not worthy to talk about Sir Rajnisir’s escapades in the sack.)
5.Sir Rajnisir can slam a revolving door.
6.Sir Rajnisir’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Sir Rajnisir.
7.Sir Rajnisir can speak Braille.
(*Quoted by Louis Braille, just before he “invented” the system. Sir Rajnisir refuses to take credit)
8.Superman owns a pair of Sir Rajnisir’s pyjamas.
(*Sir Rajnisir refused to sign the pyjamas for Superman.He does not respect or acknowledge anyone who is scared of a rock.
)
9.Sir Rajnisir owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him Win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 Card from the game Uno.
(*1983 WSOP final table.testimony from Daniel Negreanu , Phil Helmuth and Johnny Chan)
11.Sir Rajnisir divides by zero.
(*Used this special technique to solve his first linear equation problem, which happened to be Fermat’s Last theorem
)
12.Sir Rajnisir doesn’t use pickup lines, he simply says, “Now.”
(Testimony by Jessica Alba. Mona lisa was a drunken mistake.
In the interest of Privacy Violation ,the name of the Queen of England cannot be disclosed. There is so little known about our REAL freedom struggle
* Aug 14, 1947)
13.Sir Rajnisir sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled talent. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Sir Rajnisir wrestled the devil to the ground,locked him in his Kungfu death grip, and knocked the devil out with his tooth brush. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
13a. Sir Rajnisir’s toothbrush is made of organic plastic.
14. Sir Rajnisir once had an erection while lying face down. He struck oil.
(The Kanchenjunga peaks, 1996. SirRajni sir momentarily experienced a vision about peace in the middle-east )
15. The only time Sir Rajnisir was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
(* 2008 , Sir Rajnisir accepted full responsibility for the release of the “Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”. He turned down Mr.Ford’s request to BE the new Indiana Jones. )
Glad you trespassed
Isn’t there some kind of a rule that says you are prohibited from posting a comment funnier than the post? That was hilarious.
When god gets confused, who does he go to? Chuck Norris.
Nice compilation!
Exactly, everybody has to go to their creator
rajnikanth is definitely better…my personal favourite was the ’snake bite’.
Hard to choose between Chuck and Rajnisir. It’s like saying who is your favorite god.
So you havent chucked chuck eh!
Chuck Norris can hang TD’s blog, coz that is where he hangs out
Chuck Norris needs no water, coz he is the leaking cauldron.
Lol this just gets funny
Lets Hail Chuck Norris!
Rajinikanth can come and share space with him too
Rajinikanth can come and share space with him too
Lol. There are a no space shares with Rajnisir. Space is privately held by Rajnisir.
Sir Rajini Sir is always 16, right, he cant share space with anyone
Confronting Chuck Norris, the villain thinks he is f*cked. Actually, it is worse, he is Chu*ked !
Chuck Norris meets a Punjabi girl. The phrase Chuck de Phatte is born, instantly.
Cheers!
~uh~
it is worse, he is Chu*ked !
That’s one motherchucking joke
I dont know Chuck, but reference to “Rajni Sir” makes sense.
Rajni Sir is sitting in a “hotel” eating Idli.
Waiter : “Rajni Sir, why did you take holiday today?”
Rajni : “Is Idli famous or Pongal”
Waiter : “Idli sir”
Rajni : If government can give holiday for Pongal, why cant I take holiday for Idli?
This is from a series of filler jokes on a local radio channel in Bangalore. “Life in Bengaluru with Rajni Sir” !!!
“Life in Bengaluru with Rajni Sir”
Is there really such a thing? I am missing out all the FM fun in India I guesss!
If government can give holiday for Pongal, why cant I take holiday for Idli?
It’s a holiday for idly when Rajnisir doesn’t eat it.
stumbled upon this, my favorite:
When Rajinikanth does division, there are no remainders.
When Rajinikanth does division, there are no remainders.
There were no blackboards in young Rajnisir’s school because they were all broken when the teacher asked Rajnisir to ‘divide it’ referring to the problem on board.
Funny, funny..
Thank you thank you
What about that scene of Rajnikanth where villian and actress are on otherside of big wall, hero throws 1 gun in air shoots that trigger with another gun and bullet hits villian?
Chuck No rris that!!
But,
Seriously, Ranjni is more Funny …:)
Chuck caught shooting a buck
and when the cops wanted some bribe, he said I don’t have a buck(pun intended)
know it’s horrible, but don’t let that break the momentum, don’t think just laugh
Ha Ha … Nice One Budd …
I must say the comments are FUNNIER …
Awesome rofl stuff!
I am glad I visited your blog after a long time.
Cheers,
Salil
No new stuff since then .. Pls do write more
man… this is hilarious! a question for u to ponder…Wat will Chuck Norris do if its Kamalhassan’s movie?
I will have a good weekend ahead after reading this post from u. Ghosh who can beat ya:))
Why don’t u change the copyright till 2009. If u don’t, somebody will take it.
This is really funny
IS Chuck Norris known as Rajnikant in Chennai? [:P]
Hilarious
I am blogrolling you
Au revoir et salute
Awesome! Blogrolling u!
Daniel Negreanu is in fact my favorite poker player. I just love how he is capable of telling the other players playing cards
It’s so funny to see the faces of his opponents, when he tells them their actual hand.
Daniel Negreanu is truly my favorite poker player. I simply adore how he is able to revealing the other players cards
It’s so amusing to see the faces of his opponents, when he tells them their precise hand.
Daniel is really my favorite poker player. I simply adore how he can revealing the other players playing cards
It is so hilarious to see the faces of his opponents, when he tells them their precise hand.