Monthly Archive for April, 2009

Chuck Norris walks into a bar

There was this interesting “Chuck Norris” theme going on Twitter today.  This is my contribution.  I didn’t have much time to come up with this so this is all I can manage.  (If you don’t know Chuck Norris, you can replace Chuck Norris with Rajnikanth.  It makes equal sense)

  • Chuck Norris doesn’t need a gun because he can reach the enemy faster
  • Chuck Norris won the San Francisco marathon. He started in New York.
  • Chuck Norris was delivered via C-Section. He performed it himself
  • Chuck Norris pops bubble wrap with his gun
  • Chuck Norris is not above the Law. He is the Law
  • When Chuck Norris wants ice, he makes it hail
  • Baby Chuck Norris didn’t eat Gerber mashed foods. He crushed his own apples
  • Chuck Norris never used braces. He straightened his teeth with his tongue
  • Chuck Norris uses a lawn mower to shave
  • Chuck Norris will tell you if the oven is hot enough by touching it
  • When ToysRUs advertises a walker for toddlers, they specify they mean no disrespect the Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris
  • f nothing can move faster than light how do you explain Chuck Norris’ guns coming out of holster
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t like to handle diamonds because he keeps accidentally crushing them
  • Chuck Norris can impregnate a woman on a long distance phone call
  • To calm down Chuck Norris when he was a toddler, his mom used to play The Sopranos
  • When Chuck Norris wants a mobile phone, he carries around a cell tower
  • Chuck Norris doens’t need a gun because he can throw the bullets faster
  • Snake bite is a common cause of death near Chuck Norris’ house. He bites a lot of snakes
  • In their wilderness survival classes, Mountain lions learn how to identify Chuck Norris
  • When Chuck Norris walks into a bar and says “The usual”, bartender shoots a bunch of people

Help me with taxes

Please help me fill in this value.  How much will thieves steal from me in 2009?