Monthly Archive for April, 2009

Chuck Norris walks into a bar

There was this interesting “Chuck Norris” theme going on Twitter today.  This is my contribution.  I didn’t have much time to come up with this so this is all I can manage.  (If you don’t know Chuck Norris, you can replace Chuck Norris with Rajnikanth.  It makes equal sense)

  • Chuck Norris doesn’t need a gun because he can reach the enemy faster
  • Chuck Norris won the San Francisco marathon. He started in New York.
  • Chuck Norris was delivered via C-Section. He performed it himself
  • Chuck Norris pops bubble wrap with his gun
  • Chuck Norris is not above the Law. He is the Law
  • When Chuck Norris wants ice, he makes it hail
  • Baby Chuck Norris didn’t eat Gerber mashed foods. He crushed his own apples
  • Chuck Norris never used braces. He straightened his teeth with his tongue
  • Chuck Norris uses a lawn mower to shave
  • Chuck Norris will tell you if the oven is hot enough by touching it
  • When ToysRUs advertises a walker for toddlers, they specify they mean no disrespect the Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris
  • f nothing can move faster than light how do you explain Chuck Norris’ guns coming out of holster
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t like to handle diamonds because he keeps accidentally crushing them
  • Chuck Norris can impregnate a woman on a long distance phone call
  • To calm down Chuck Norris when he was a toddler, his mom used to play The Sopranos
  • When Chuck Norris wants a mobile phone, he carries around a cell tower
  • Chuck Norris doens’t need a gun because he can throw the bullets faster
  • Snake bite is a common cause of death near Chuck Norris’ house. He bites a lot of snakes
  • In their wilderness survival classes, Mountain lions learn how to identify Chuck Norris
  • When Chuck Norris walks into a bar and says “The usual”, bartender shoots a bunch of people

Micro Management

micro management (definition): Wife double guessing the time you set in microwave for boiling milk and changing it without consulting you.

(10)

Twitter Wisdom

Pregnant sentences have no periods

(5)

Help me with taxes

Please help me fill in this value.  How much will thieves steal from me in 2009?