The house I grew up was just a street away from the busiest center in our small town. But our street was quite busy as well because of the wall in front of our house, which is a well-known de-facto public urinal for the entire downtown. At any given time of the day I could see not less than four people lined up making abstract drawings on the wall. I used to call them Pablo Peecassos. It was as if the wall had special powers to precipitate nature’s call in passers-by. I had a suspicion that some people woke up and travelled half way across the town to use the wall every morning.
As one can imagine, we hated the wall, even though the wall did provide some entertainment. For example, one day our street was invaded by monkeys. A gentleman doing his business on the wall suddenly looked up to realize that a monkey was sitting on the wall and curiously summing up his frontal glory. He had a dilemma of epic proportions. Should he continue to finish his business and risk being bitten by the monkey or stop half way and run. Alas, the cruel irony of life. He did stop half way and run, AND got bitten by the monkey.
The moments of such mirth aside, one can safely assume that we didn’t want people to answer their nature’s call in front of our house. We did the normal thing one with no experience in such matters would do. We put up a big sign, “NO PEEING ON THE WALL.” Our biggest mistake? Putting the sign low enough on the wall so that people could actually use the sign for target practice. Secondly, the sign reminded people of the existence of their bladder. Without having to delve into specific statistical models, we could figure out that the traffic at the wall nearly doubled after posting the sign.
The second brilliant idea we had was to appoint two guys to walk about on our street and yell at the happy relievers. “Hey, you got no sense of decency? Shoo, shoo” was their general mantra. This seemed to have worked on the first day. But the second day there was a revolt. People of our town, who never stood together for anything, were united to protect their right of public indecency. Our appointed henchmen barely escaped being beaten by the mob.
A few days later one of my uncles improvised a solution with the use of household flour and sugar. In phase 1 of the plan, we generously sprinkled the mixture along the opposite wall. Phase 2 of the plan was carried out by thousands of red ants that took to streets to feast on the flour and sugar. People, in the rush to lighten their bladders, pissed off the ants literally and figuratively. The ants absolutely refused to coexist with such people by snacking on their feet. Phase 3 of the plan was watching the delightful dance of people whose feet were being munched on by the ants, albeit they could only use one hand in their dance. Our delight and free dance performances didn’t last too long because it rained that night. Also, we couldn’t have afforded the daily feeding of ants.
We gave up. We did everything humanly possible to persuade people to deposit their waste in their respective bathrooms. We failed. It was time for divine intervention. It was my dad who came up with the most ingenious idea.
Two people were busy working at the wall the entire weekend. Come Monday, the wall featured frescos of smiling Gods of various religions and denominations. Every inch of the wall was covered in colorful pictures of benevolent deities – A Rama, A Christ, An undefined splatter of colors with a crescent on the top which one can only assume as the artist’s rendition of Mecca and other minor religious icons just to be sure.
That was it. From that day forward not one person dared to descecrate the sancutm sanctorum of our town walls. I was in my hometown a month ago. The paintings faded and were retouched over the years. I was happy to walk on our street that reeked of holiness rather than urine.
excellent..
i always knew the gods were good for something..
glad to know u found.. er.. relief from the pressing situation
Somehow the Gods always come to the rescue.Nice read.HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
I used a pic by SloganMurugan on my blog:
http://hinduatheist.blogspot.com/2008/11/gods-and-urination.html
Fun read …
We will need Gods everywhere. Railway station, bus station, markets etc … In fact, only gods can save our streets.
Aah, that reminds me of the similar scene from the movie, “Such a long journey” based on a novel (with the same name) by Rohinton Mistry!
Divine intervention…
The theme song could have been ‘Another p***ck in the wall’…
R.K Lakshman mmentioned it in one of his cartoons that with all the people doing their business on the street, it was a wonder that ground water was not higher
Smart daddy, as dads usually are.
We did the same thing with our building corridors, to prevent people from spitting on them. We had to take special care to not offend any religion by putting up all possible Gods that we could think of
!!! The idea was simple and effective, years later too, no one spits there!
Great ideas do not work at stupid places. Take connaught place (Delhi) for example. there is this place in CP called the shivaji stadium and someone with the same ideas have paintings of deities of all religion placed at strategic positions to be reviewed by pee-rs. The place and the placement of the painting is just so pee-tiable. Thought i would post a picture of that place.
No better idea than to invoke the Gods! Unless of course you want to place a CC camera and a 52″ High Definition plasma TV broadcasting live events. No doubt more expensive option though.
In life when nothing works, depend on God !
In my city, they’ve had to put up pictures of all kinds of deities to shoo away the spitting-paan-everywhere-you-can-but-especially on the-stairway variety of pests.
Nice pis of work. And I don’t mean just the spruced up look for the blog
-g
I was actually thinking of putting up an idol as I was reading the passage… guess I’m ready to be a dad
.. Yes, noone wants to piss off the lords…
What could have also worked is putting up posters of film stars or of Sachin Tendulkar.. or .. wait…place a dog there strategically so that if it doesn’t bite the apparatus off, it would at least piss right back at the person to mark its territory… but yeah ud have had to deal wit a lot of dog excreta.
Awesome post..
Man…tis seems like a nice story..or I dunno..probably it is the way you narrate it..A peeing wall with history..Interestin!!
Hey! Long break this time…. was just gonna scrap you bout having writers block …. came to ur site to check one last time before i scrapped….
nice write up on “pee-cassos”. btw, these days u get these vinyl tiles with god pics. the ones u typically use to don ur puja room. i see a lot of compound walls having a bunch of these to prevent pee-er pressure.
You just made that up, didn’t you? Especially the part where the monkey bites? If that really happened, then I sure missed something in life.
Awesome anyway
too good a read…too good
A wall is a wall is a wall… NOT a pee-ing board…with or without deities painted on it.
But yeah… you are right, some people would never believe you unless you support this by painting all gods on it. Damn! Idiots~
We had same solution for a different problem. People were spitting pan masala in the elevator shaft!! Gods did the work, it has been working now for 9-10 years now
This trick always works
All in the name of GOD !!
is that it from the India trip? come on TD !!
LOL!! That’s a great idea. man!!! Wish everybody learns that trick.
I saw the movie Slumdog Millionaire, was disgusted at Mumbai slums, it’s soooo inhuman to let people, specially kids live like that. Wish they would do something about that now that Whole World knows about it!!!
I knew it, it’s been known to work – or rather, the Gods have been known to work. But you know what? In the big Shiva temple at Tiruvannamalai in Tamil Nadu, I saw a kid defecating right inside the temple, in the front yard, with the family sitting matter-of-factly next to him. I shudder to imagine what happens at Tirupati, with its long queues and hours and hours of waiting!
Pablo Peecassos – nice!
Lovely way to stop people doing this.. Now I want a suggestion.. right in front of my house there are some people who find it entertaining to put all their crap…! wat to be done with those? [i know even putting up God's idols won't do anything!]
Amazing!
Excellent….very well yar
Awesome post…
to pee or not to pee is the koschin!
and when in deep shit, seek divine intervention!
amazing idea
:D amazing presentation
Ingenius! 25 years ago I lived in a house next to parking lot that the downtown hookers brought their johns to. I’d look out the window while doing dishes and get *quite* an eyeful. I would sometimes flash my camera out the window, which scared off, I’m sure, the married men, but for the most part, there was nothing I could do either. I wonder if the deity wall would have done the trick.
nice post……while reading I was reminded of those red paan spitted corner usually found in old building, especially the Banks and offices.
God save such people.
It was indeed hilarious to have read your post.
Keep writing.
Well, I can believe it that it was religion that finally did the trick.
I like your posts, they are witty. However, there is lot of gap between your two posts. Please keep more coming1
vikas:
relief from the pressing situation
Yes, people just had to find another way of relief to their pressing situation
Lalitha:
Somehow the Gods always come to the rescue.
Yes, like in the movies. Fortunately, I didn’t have to perform a song and dance in a temple to find this solution.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
Thank you! Same to you.
Hindu Atheist:
I used a pic by SloganMurugan on my blog
Perfect. Sums up the whole story quite nicely, almost making my post redundant. You know, I didn’t realize this was such a popular soluton!
Kannan Kartha:
We will need Gods everywhere. Railway station, bus station, markets
Won’t we run the risk of desensitizing people to Gods!
Shr:
“Such a long journey” based on a novel (with the same name) by Rohinton Mistry!
Never heard about the novel “With the same name”, kind of a funny name for a novel, I must admit.
I will check out the movie
vijay:
it was a wonder that ground water was not higher
Thank you for ruining ground water for me forever
rads:
Smart daddy, as dads usually are.
My son totally agrees
Girish:
We did the same thing with our building corridors, to prevent people from spitting
You know, one would think by placing a trashcan near by so people can spit into it would have solved the problem. But I saw situations where people dump garbage all around the trashcan but nothing inside. Ya, we need higher powers to handle this situation.
Mridul:
Take connaught place (Delhi) for example.
Really? It didn’t work? I think we are using this idea so much that people are desensitized to Gods! At CP they should find a way to animate the Gods… making them more real!
Anish:
you want to place a CC camera and a 52? High Definition plasma TV
Right. Then our house with get the front view also along with the back view? Anyway I am sure in a day the TV will be stolen and people will stick chewing gum on the camera AND pee on it.
Ravi:
In life when nothing works, depend on God !
Nice way of putting it, I was calling it totally using Gods
D:
Hmmm.. you know, we are using this idea so much, people will find a workaround!
gauri:
Nice pis of work.
I am so disappointed in my readers. It took 13 comments to get to this pun!?
And I don’t mean just the spruced up look for the blog
Spruced up!? Ya, that’s one way of looking at it. I call it, “The f***ing hosting service forced me to upgrade the f***ing wordpress installation and I had to upgrade the motherf***ing K2 theme and it took me 2 hours to get the old f***ing colors back”.
Manish Krishnan:
I was actually thinking of putting up an idol as I was reading the passage
Lol. I didn’t think this is such a popular idea!
What could have also worked is putting up posters of film stars
What like Katrina Kaif and Mallika Sharavat? People used to pee there, now we are encouraging them to do more?
place a dog there strategically
ROFL. Although, we will be left with people peeing and picking up dog excrement!
ItsAllAboutMe:
Thank you
Sowmiya:
tis seems like a nice story..or I dunno..probably it is the way you narrate it
It almost sounds like you said, “It’s a nice story but you spoiled it by your narration”
Anon Again!:
was just gonna scrap you bout having writers block
You were going to scrap but couldn’t think of what to write?
vinyl tiles with god pics
Haha. Good idea. I would put red LEDs for eyes and make them blink as if the God is frowning at you!
pee-er pressure
Ah, now we got the puns flowing
Srikanth:
You just made that up, didn’t you? Especially the part where the monkey bites?
Absolutely not! I will I an produce my uncle as a witness who still laughs hysterically whenever we remember that episode.
siddhartha deo:
Thank you!
Paradox philic:
A wall is a wall is a wall…
I guess it’s their argument too. A wall is a wall whether it’s in a bathroom or a public place
quark:
People were spitting pan masala
It looks like paan spitting is a more prevalent problem these days and it’s equally disgusting.
~nm:
This trick always works
As I said, I am sure people will find a workaround for it. There’s got to be half a billion people who are impeded by such unthoughtful placement of Gods!
Aparna:
is that it from the India trip? come on TD
What India trip? I am not admitting to anything
Asha:
Wish everybody learns that trick.
From the comments above, apparently everybody did!
Slumdog Millionaire …Wish they would do something about that now that Whole World knows about it
For example, I don’t think anybody changed their views on diamonds after seeing “Blood Diamond.” Also there are already screams about how Slumdog does not represent India.
If movies could help India, or any country for that matter, world would have been a better place by now
Sra:
I saw a kid defecating right inside the temple
And nobody was yelling? It’s probably because he was a kid. But still it’s disturbing. Tirupathi I think is more planned in the way that they provide some facilities for people who are waiting. I haven’t been there in more than a decade though.
Pablo Peecassos – nice!
Yay, somebody said “nice” to my pun. Now I can legitimately come up with more of them.
Abhinav:
wat to be done with those?
Chase them with a chainsaw.. or unleash alien bugs on them.. oh wait.. may be I am watching too many horror flicks!
How do we know, Rishi, Nadeem, AR:
Thank you
maxdavinci:
and when in deep shit, seek divine intervention
Yep, that summarizes the plot
Gnightgirl:
I would sometimes flash my camera out the window, which scared off, I’m sure, the married men
You were sitting on a gold mine! You should have done less proof-reading and more proof-gathering!
Sarsij Nayanam:
I was reminded of those red paan spitted corner
Holy cow! This paan thing seems to be quite a huge problem!
Thank you for the compliments
Poonam:
I can believe it that it was religion that finally did the trick.
Or the clever use of all religions
I like your posts, they are witty.
Thanks a bunch!
However, there is lot of gap between your two posts.
I know, I shouldn’t be this lazy!
Bad CSS?
Please keep more coming1
Oh you mean that way
well u sure pissed the pissers off!
what was also nice was the attention to not offend religious minorities or majorities
Great story. Dad’s pretty sharp.
So what did the monkey bite?
Well, religion is useful for something! That’s good!
And thank God there were no fanatics in your street. Imagine a idiotic Hindu peeing on Jesus and so on….
Nice one… after long time
and by the way, nowadays gods don’t work as they used to… as u said, people have gotten used to them….
“you want to place a CC camera and a 52? High Definition plasma TV
Right. Then our house with get the front view also along with the back view? Anyway I am sure in a day the TV will be stolen and people will stick chewing gum on the camera AND pee on it.”
How about electrified barb wire fences?? I am watching too many violent movies.
lucid writing..great narration!
God saves us from troubles and all the problems.. as they say when nothing goes your way look up cause God is looking down at you !
Nice read thanks !
Sup
hmmm those unbreakable material ‘Mirrors’ would have worked too
hi TD,
always a pleasure to read your posts. i make it a point to check for updates regularly. good one this time. keep them coming! (the posts, i mean)
sri
I’d thought of this idea once when I was in Bangalore. So glad someone implemented it and it actually worked – excellent!
Nice one..! Using Gods’ pictures is also used to stop the spitting menace! But they manage to target their shots in the crevices!
This exact culmination happened in my apartment wall, which was pistakenly construed as public voiding exhibition hall.
Hi. I came here thanks to Gauri, and I am impressed!
gud yar….
lol!! excellent idea indeed!!
gr8..now if this idea is implemented and ppl are so pious then I guess all the rape, murders ,extortion should also stop on that street atleast in the day..if GOD doen’t have halogens for the night
or maybe GOD is only pissed by pissing not smuggling,killing,looting,..other ‘ings’!!
Cool…finally there is something that the Gods must have been happy to have accomplished…but can u imagine how cruel it could have been to the poor Gods….the fast beating of the hearts of those deities everytime a guy passed infront of them..those moments of anxiety filled with the question…will they or wil they not?!
Waah!! That was brilliant!! God helps those who help others find a toilet!
Great idea. I’ve seen it used on several walls on the corners of main roads in Adyar with the words “Please keep our abode clean” in Tamil.
It seems Bollywood is going to adapt this story and make movie on a Divine love story of 3 Men belonging to 3 major religions who come to the street and pee on the wall and fall in love with a girl next door, who peeks through the window. Of course, they are going to call the movie as “WALL-P”.
LMAO!!
we sure are a religious lot toeing divine rules, ain’t we Indians?? too bad we ain’t that bound by the legal rules. pissing on the outer wall of the police station is like a public rights movement here in Baroda.
…completely endorse Dinesh’s idea of Wall-P. can’t wait for that movie to come out…
it reminds me of our street too.
they drew god pics on the wall so as to stop ppl from dumping their garbage at the wall.
and that too was just opposite my house.
and it took us almost some 3 months adopting various tactics to stop ppl. from dumping the garbage.
we even took a pic of the garbage and sent it to the local newspapers, but alas it wasnt considered to be a major issue and wasnt even published in the newspaper!
Lame Lame Lame post.. oozes of mediocrity..
Well,I have some pics which condemns your only hope that only god can save our street.It shows some people urinating on god’s pic in night time….
Could miss- Pablo Peecassos, ‘pissed off the ants literally and figuratively’ and the irony of life- the guy stopped midway & got bitten
Good stuff. Great solution.
I always wonder what happens, if we put mirrors on the wall, say upto waist height ? How does it feel to see the reflection ? Must be discouraging.
Cheers!
~uh~
LOL post.
If you haven’t seen or read “Such a Long Journey”, this blog post is like the ‘height of coincidence’. Very well-written post.
My GOD!!
would u beleive how true your story is in my life!!
For 24 years from the time i was born, i lived in a house, whose wall was peed upon!!
and just like u said, people would walk a half mile to come and just do their job.
I have done enough of shooing, screaming cursing and nothing worked!!
the funniest part of this is, in another house on the same street as ours where such a similar incident occured, they decorated it with Godly murals and people wouldnt spare that either!!
It has been 6 years since we have moved out of living there and trust me, things havent changed!!
I guess i can sum it all up in one sentence….”We are like This Only!”
I am new to ur blog and I liked the way u have emptied those bladder relievers. But by that time you got it thro I guess it must have become extremely smelly and walls would have dented a bit.
“ants were pissed off”.. hehe.
Nice series of ideas.
good one… the same idea shud also be implemented on hyderabad roads!!!
I presume you live in India? I used to and have seen and lived through this act before. Good for your dad! That really was a smart idea.
Those who are are caught in the act have a bucket water(previously used to mop floor) poured on them. And those who are not….bad news travels fast.
Lol .. god indeed helps us some time.
And we have gods in our lifts too! God save us from paan.
very funny!!!
Lol. Religion has its benefits!
I was thinking about the God solution as I was reading…so the ending didn’t surprise me! Its lucky for us that we have a million gods to choose from!
Funny coincidence! Our house in Kolkata also overlooked a wall which was used for such emergency purposes and we also suffered the sensory consequences….till the customary religious solution. A vegetable vendor has now claimed that wall and they say his veggies have a unique flavour….
supah funny ya r
especially d monkey bit!
Great Post..
Nice series of ideas..
I Used This site To Find your Post
thanks
nice narration
Now I feel stupid. That\’s cleeard it up for me