Twisted DNA

A Malaysian man had to have a nut removed by a doctor from around his penis.  He reportedly stuck his penis in the nut, in a botched attempt to enlarge it.  When asked for a comment on the patient, the doctor said, “He is f***ing nuts”.

The McCain VP selection team presented McCain with three options.  Tom Ridge, Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin.  They presented a detailed profile on each of them and deliberated pros and cons for hours.  Then they said, “Senator McCain, make your pick.”  McCain said, “MILF”.  That’s the only way to explain McCain’s VP choice.

The X-Files star David Duchovny has voluntarily joined rehab for Sex addiction.  When the doctors tested him the diagnosis is, “He is a man.”

When reporters went to his home to break the news of his sex addiction to his wife, Téa Leoni, she laughed said, “Oh there is nothing like that.”  Then her face became red, she said, “Wait a f***ing minute” and packed bags and left.

Kake Hudson is being sued for stealing an idea to make hair products out of volcanoes.  You heard it right, volcanic ash.  When asked why she used volcanic ash, she said, “You saw people in Pompeii right?  Their hair stayed the same for 2000 years!”

International Table Tennis Federation announced that they are going to ask women players to wear skirts in an effort to “sex up” the game.  Director of ITTF said, “[wearing skirts] will definitely help win back the lost interest in the game.”  I ask, why stop at skirts?  Let them wear bikinis.  Oh wait, Beach Volleyball already took that route.  May be take a step further and make the players do a poll-dance while playing!  Eventually we can remove the pesky table from the sport and I am sure people will flood to see the “game”.

Wall Street Journal reports that US Airways is no longer serving free water on their flights.  Passengers need to buy a bottle of water for  $2 starting today.  That’s a good way to make money.  You know a better way to make more money?  By serving free beer and charing for using the restrooms.