Monthly Archive for August, 2008


A Malaysian man had to have a nut removed by a doctor from around his penis.  He reportedly stuck his penis in the nut, in a botched attempt to enlarge it.  When asked for a comment on the patient, the doctor said, “He is f***ing nuts”.


Que Sarah Sarah

The McCain VP selection team presented McCain with three options.  Tom Ridge, Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin.  They presented a detailed profile on each of them and deliberated pros and cons for hours.  Then they said, “Senator McCain, make your pick.”  McCain said, “MILF”.  That’s the only way to explain McCain’s VP choice.


Se-x files

The X-Files star David Duchovny has voluntarily joined rehab for Sex addiction.  When the doctors tested him the diagnosis is, “He is a man.”

When reporters went to his home to break the news of his sex addiction to his wife, Téa Leoni, she laughed said, “Oh there is nothing like that.”  Then her face became red, she said, “Wait a f***ing minute” and packed bags and left.


Hairy products

Kate Hudson is being sued for stealing an idea to make hair products out of volcanoes.  You heard it right, volcanic ash.  When asked why she used volcanic ash, she said, “You saw people in Pompeii right?  Their hair stayed the same for 2000 years!”


Small balls of fire

International Table Tennis Federation announced that they are going to ask women players to wear skirts in an effort to “sex up” the game.  Director of ITTF said, “[wearing skirts] will definitely help win back the lost interest in the game.”  I ask, why stop at skirts?  Let them wear bikinis.  Oh wait, Beach Volleyball already took that route.  May be take a step further and make the players do a poll-dance while playing!  Eventually we can remove the pesky table from the sport and I am sure people will flood to see the “game”.


Physical disability

Women proved themselves capable of excelling in every field.  They completed Herculean missions; scaled insurmountable heights.  But when it comes to Physics, they fail to grasp some basic physical laws.  They either don’t understand these laws or have utter disregard for them.  I believe a Physics 101 is in order.

Law of constant volume: The volume of an object is constant whichever way you bend it.  So the statement, “We can’t fit all the clothes if you just stuff them in the bag.  We need to fold the clothes properly” is not valid.

The law of uniform heat transference: It will take exactly the same amount of time for the wet towel to dry whether it is on the towel-hanger or on bed.

Law of non-magnetism of hands: Human hands do not act as magnets to bacteria, virus, germs and other vicious microbes.  Therefore, washing hands more than twice a day is utter waste of one’s valuable time.

Newton’s First Law: “Don’t throw the car keys in the sofa, you will lose them” contradicts Newton’s First Law.  The keys will continue to stay at rest on the sofa unless some restless force moves them.

Non-transitivity of physical objects: If person A touches an object and person B touches the same object, it is not equivalent to A and C touching and groping each other.  So it is perfectly alright to share a soap among a bunch of people.

Law of conservation of mass: Whichever way you squeeze the toothpaste tube, the amount of toothpaste in the tube does not reduce.

Law of opacity: Light does not travel through opaque objects.  Therefore, the state of disintegration of underwear is not visible to public through other opaque clothing.  So it is perfectly safe to use underwear until it is reduced to a few strands of threads.

Law of fixed boiling point under constant pressure: The gasoline in the gas-tank does not instantly evaporate as soon as the gas indicator lights up

Law of sound not being in visual spectrum: Eyes don’t have to be focused on the source of sound to hear the sound.  So when the eyes are looking at TV, ears can perfectly hear the sound coming out of somebody’s mouth.

Charge for every drop

Wall Street Journal reports that US Airways is no longer serving free water on their flights.  Passengers need to buy a bottle of water for  $2 starting today.  That’s a good way to make money.  You know a better way to make more money?  By serving free beer and charing for using the restrooms.