Monthly Archive for July, 2008

Call me weird

Dr. Becky Smith, the psychiatrist, seated herself across from Twisted DNA.  After a quick hello, she came straight to the point.  Looking at Twisted DNA intensely, she asked, “Why are you here?”

“They think I am weird,” said Twisted DNA, “and I want to find out…”  She didn’t let him finish the sentence.  “Who are they?” she interrupted. 

“I should have chosen a male psychiatrist” Twisted DNA muttered to himself.

“My blog readers,” said TD
“You have a blog? A real one with real readers?  Not imaginary?”  She inquired.  Dr. Smith seemed convinced that Twisted DNA was off the rocker from the get go.
“It’s a real one!  I am not that nuts yet.  You can check it out at twisted-dna.com”
“Twisted DNA?  That’s a wacky name.  Why did you choose that name?”
“Because that’s my name”
“You call yourself Twisted DNA?”

She scribbled in her pad, in plain view.  “Likes to be identified as abnormal,” she wrote.

“It would help me understand you better if I saw your blog.”  She opened the blog and she immediately was taken aback.

“Dirty pictures of pregnant woman?”
“No, no.  It is just a humorous article on how to have fun at a gynecologists office”

She paid no attention and scrolled down quickly glancing through the articles.  “Another article on pregnancy.. hmm.. how many times did you write about pregnant woman in the recent past?”

“A few times,” TD said meekly.
“Man having fun at gynecologist.  Dirty pictures of pregnant women.  Let me ask you, do women in the gynecologists room turn you on?”
“WHAT? What the …”
“Are pregnant woman your fetish? 
Twisted DNA sat upright, horrified.  “NO!” he shouted, “how the hell did you make that inference?”

She said nothing but scribbled on her pad again: “Pregnant women is an emotional subject for patient.”  Without lifting her eyes from the pad, she spoke sternly, “Please don’t read my notes.”  She put a hand on the notes to hide them.

She continued the interview.  “So your readers, do they have similar interests?” she asked, carefully selecting the word “interests”.

Irritated, Twisted DNA lashed out, “Don’t insult my readers.  Most of them are women with children.”

Dr. Smith said nonchalantly, “Are you saying they were all pregnant at one time?”

TD found no words to respond.  He buried his face in his hands and stared at her vacantly.

She continued, “Are you attracted to your readers?”

Waving his hands frantically, TD shouted, “NO NO!”

It was as if those words never reached Dr. Smith.  She continued, “It seems their accusation of your being is weird may not be completely groundless.”

She scribbled something in the pad.  As she put the pen back, she dropped it on the floor.  It presented a good opportunity for TD to read the notes when Dr. Smith bent down to retrieve the pen.  As he stood up to read the notes, Dr. Smith suddenly looked up.  Her face turned red.  She clutched her blouse closer and shouted, “Are you checking out my maternity bra?”

Twisted DNA dropped on his knees and begged.  “Dr. Smith, I don’t know how to convince you.  My writing about pregnancy means nothing.  It’s just an easy topic to write humorously.  At least read rest of the blog.”

She seemed a little convinced.  She let go of the paperweight she was holding and proceeded to read rest of the blog.  She read for a few minutes, her face very serious, which in itself was an insult for what was purported to be a humor blog. To add injury she asked, “Do you use any illegal drugs?”

“No,” answered TD.
“So you produced all this while you were completely conscious.”
“Yes”
“All those Pee-etiquette, Indian-Spider man, Pregnancy advice and rest of the, um.. humor, you wrote consciously and willingly?”
“Yes”


Dr. Smith spoke with a surprised look on her face, “I have seen so many people in my career.  Boy, you are the weirdest!”

Twisted DNA sighed in relief.  Weird is so much better than pervert.  He asked, “All I want to know is, if I will ever be normal”

She said, with a sympathy filled tone, “Mr. DNA.  Looking at your work so far, I am sorry to say there is no hope for you.  You will be weird for the rest of your life.”

Twisted DNA beamed with delight.  “Thank you! that’s all I wanted to know. I can blog forever.”  He walked out a relieved man.