A cheesy moment
Published April 18th, 2008Getting food on the table is easy for me. I walk into a restaurant, pick up the waiting take-out order and put it on the dining table. Some people prefer a more circuitous method called cooking. I strongly maintain that if all humans are meant to cook, we would have evolved with a spatula for a hand. In any case, I have recently been asked to produce macaroni and cheese, not by the normal processes of getting it from a restaurant but by the infinitely complex process called cooking.
What happened was, over-ambitious wife promised mac-and-cheese to the kid but found herself unable to fulfill the promise due to an unexpected call from work. I was volunteered to fulfill the said promise. In her words, “Mac and cheese is easy. Boil milk. Pour macaroni. Add cheese and serve.” but for some reason she insisted on her writing the recipe down and repeating it 20 times.
The dish may sound simple but the recipe was not. My theory is that when a process involves heating milk to its boiling point, using hot burners and tongs, it should be classified as a chemical experiment rather than a process to produce something edible. Perhaps I should have started with a simpler dish. But as the old adage goes, all’s well that ends well. My cooking certainly ended well and the kid was well-fed and well-nourished.
When my wife arrived home, I was ready to accept the profusion of encomiums that were in order for the extraordinary job I performed. But no! No accolades. No tears of gratitude. Not even a small gift of appreciation.
All she did was look at the dish in which I produced my magnum opus and raise an eyebrow. I waited for the other eyebrow to follow suit but it didn’t. That was not a good sign.
She: (Suspiciously) Why is there ketchup in mac and cheese?
She was in dire need of enlightenment.
Me: When food has a smoky flavor, you nuke it with ketchup
She: It must have tasted awful!
Me: Au contraire, he loved it. (vigorous head-nodding approval from the kid)
She: (Growing more suspicious) Why did the mac-and-cheese have a smoky flavor?
I continued to enlighten her.
Me: Food assumes a smoky flavor when it is burnt
She: You burned MAC-AND-CHEESE? How could anyone burn Mac and cheese! It’s the simplest thing in the world to make!
I would argue with the choice of the word “simple” but it was not the best time for the dissertation of my chemical experiment theory.
Me: It’s not my fault. It’s the kid’s fault.
She: How so?
Me: See, after I put the macaroni in boiling milk, I needed to wait a few minutes for it to cook. So I told the kid to watch it while I cleaned the broken glass in the garage. Apparently in his vocabulary, “cooked” means “general texture of bituminous coal”
She: YOU LEFT A 3 YEAR OLD AT THE STOVE!?
Me: I know, he completely blew it. In retrospect I should have watched the pot while he did the cleaning. But hindsight is 20/20.
She couldn’t speak for a few minutes probably mulling over the cogency of my argument.
She: (Resignedly) So he ate that charred glob.
Me: Why would I do that? We extracted all matter of certain color and brittleness and disposed it carefully in the trash. Then we doubled the cheese portion to compensate for the lost macaroni.
She: Let me get this straight, he basically ate a ball of cheese with ketchup.
Me: You make it sound so unappetizing
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Passing Thoughts
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I used to add Tabasco sauce to mine - for the really “smoking” hot flavour!
You managed to burn mac and cheese?!
I guess you should thank your son for appreciating whatevr you cooked and eaiting it without a complaint!
My son is also like jerry mouse! He can eat just plain cheese just like that for dinner. He doesn’t even need a slice of bread!
you did what???
i’m sure sonny boy is thinking..”what a cool dad” gave me cheese for dinner…
:D
Dude….u r jus Fantabullouzzzz…Wooo I kept laughin n laughin in my office n my mgr n othr co-workkerz were lookin @ me like I am a NUT head. So u made ur boy eat that “DELLLICIOUS” food. Awesome man…u must cook the same food for the enemies in the war…No offense to tht man…
Keep up ur good work…God Bless
Warmest Rgds,
Kalyan
poor kid dude!
My hubby just found a new friend - he probably would’ve just ordered from McD…;)
why does it matter? toddler was found happy and fed - thats all that counts. (well-nourished is seriously questionable, but one meal can’t hurt)
)
with you on this one. (although I;m not sure leaving a 3yo to supervise a “chemical experiment” was such a great idea. does child services know?
Well. cool dad,neva mind! It happens sometimes. women generally find it difficult to appreciate who cook well ( they basically don’t experiment with cooking).
So very true mannn.. I too have never been able to master the art of cooking.. leave apart mastering, I can’t even say that I can cook a simple (for me it becomes difficult) dish (like noodles)!! I have tried it few times only to realize that cooking needs a special pair of hands which I don’t have..
Really.. you have a way to put things thats unique to you.. and I love reading your blog.. Cheers!! Lage raho
Minkowsky..
>>vigorous head-nodding approval from the kid
Hahaha..
Actually , I thought you bought Mac and Cheese and fed the kid instead of the “chemical experiment”.
Alls well that ends well - (for the toddler at any rate!)
And you thought cooking was easy
It is…you men just need to apply that brain of yours…all you had to do was ..a lot of things simpler. Anywy…your son is a sweetheart…eating the burnt, smoky, ketchup cheese….gosh the things these kids do , just to be with their dads…
Very nicely written!
Once again, you make me laugh outloud at work. You’re going to get me fired.
errrr…can I please see a picture?? I want to see how a ball of cheese with ketchup looks. And in case u didn’t take one, you can have another go at it. I am positive u’ll manage the same feat again
And i thoought guys get better at cooking after marriage …:)
You need to patent your creation!
:) I wont utter a word! No way. I have successfully burnt the fast-to-cook-good-to-eat-2-minute Maggi noodles as well…gee
I feel much better!
I am glad I found you
Oh hey, I tell you cooking’s not as easy as they say it is.
Although I suppose you know by now.
But, even something such as boiling an egg. Do it a little less, and you get runny yellow goo. Do it a little more, and you get that smoky flavoured brown albumin.
I say it’s all trial and error. And when you want to get perfection with trial and error, you need a lot of practice. Tell your wife to let you make mac and cheese for one more month and you’ll have it perfect for her by the end of it.
Oh hey, I tell you cooking’s not as easy as they say it is.
Although I suppose you know by now.
But, even something such as boiling an egg. Do it a little less, and you get runny yellow goo. Do it a little more, and you get that smoky flavoured brown albumin.
I say it’s all trial and error. And when you want to get perfection with trial and error, you need a lot of practice. Tell your wife to let you make mac and cheese for one more month and you’ll have it perfect for her by the end of it.
Now what better way to make sure the wifey didn’t ask you to venture into the world of cooking ever again? Watch and learn, kid!
rofl, really funny. i’ve succeeded in screwing up deep-frying a ‘papadom’. i doubt anything can be more embarassing than that. maybe we should get a whole bunch of similar people and have a barbecue, you know, prevent population explosion
LOL!! :–) Poor kiddo! :–P
And all men should start learning cooking I say!
And yes, practic makes perfect, may be next time wont be so bad…. if wifey lets you cook for kiddo the next time :–D
awesome dude..I was thinking of learning a bit more of cooking although I know a lot(boiling water and stuff)…I think I have found my teacher…Sir
!!!!
Stick with Kraft Macaroni and Cheese boxes. It’s easy and cheesy. Boil macaroni, scoop in large wad of ghee, dump in cheese packet, stir. Le Voila!
Creativity in the kitchen…wives do not understand this
By the way, my kid loves it when I give him “Tomato Fried Rice”…(rice, tomatoes and ketchup all stirred)… poor wife goes through an elaborate exercise to make pulav and is met by comments like “hmmm needs a little more salt mom”…
Broom:
Hey! you are back! I didn’t realize it until now. Just saw that I have lot of catching up do too. See you on your blog soon!
I used to add Tabasco sauce to mine
Will sure try it on the kid and tell him “Broom aunty” suggested it
Neha:
You managed to burn mac and cheese?!
You got the story wrong. It’s the kid that burned the mac-and-cheese. I was merely present at the situation.
~nm:
I guess you should thank your son for appreciating whatevr you cooked and eaiting it without a complaint!
Well, if one is starved enough, one eats anything
thinking aloud:
i’m sure sonny boy is thinking..”what a cool dad” gave me cheese for dinner…
Totally! Dads are always cool because we just let them do whatever they like to do
Kalyan:
Awesome man…u must cook the same food for the enemies in the war…No offense to tht man…
I am quite offended! I can do much better for enemies!
La Vida Loca:
poor kid dude!
Nope, he was quite happy
Mala:
My hubby just found a new friend -
He he…
he probably would’ve just ordered from McD…;)
Well, my wife insisted that it’s cooked at home. She didn’t mention anything about its being healthy though
kodi’s mom:
toddler was found happy and fed - thats all that counts.
Thank you, thank you
(well-nourished is seriously questionable, but one meal can’t hurt)
Lol. ya, we wouldn’t want him on that diet on a regular basis.
does child services know?
yes. I mean, aren’t all moms automatically become child services when it comes to husbands?
Barath:
women generally find it difficult to appreciate who cook well
Brilliantly said!
Minkowsky..:
simple dish (like noodles)!!
Who says noodles are simple! I wouldn’t
Really.. you have a way to put things thats unique to you
Thank you very much! That’s very kind of you.
Sravya:
Actually , I thought you bought Mac and Cheese and fed the kid instead of the “chemical experiment”.
I could’ve done much better if I was allowed to exercise my credit card. Alas, it had to be cooked!
Khayaal:
Alls well that ends well - (for the toddler at any rate!)
He he. It certainly did, didn’t it
prats:
you men just need to apply that brain of yours
We do! Ask me anything about Star Wars
your son is a sweetheart
Well, he had to be. He was starving
Gautam Gurijala:
Gautam! nuvvena! sasirekha kanikattu nerchindaa, leka naa kannemaina chedirindaa?
I think you are my first non-blog friend commenting here. By doing so you rippled the fabric of space-time continuum and washed it in Tide
Thanks for dropping a line
Gnightgirl:
You gotta let me know when you are going to be in CA… I will treat you to my own cooking
chandni:
I am positive u’ll manage the same feat again
Oh thank you for such confidence in me! Where will I be without friends like you
maverick:
And i thoought guys get better at cooking after marriage
I don’t think so. It depends on how bad the wife cooks
dipali:
You need to patent your creation!
Lol. Good idea. I will give it some fancy French name like, Boule de fromage. People will love it
whatsinaname:
I have successfully burnt the fast-to-cook-good-to-eat-2-minute Maggi noodles as well
Lol. We could be very good friends.
fast-to-cook
Fast to burn too, eh
Espèra:
you need a lot of practice.
Hmm… you seem to have made some very serious wrong assumptions… such as I have wish to get better! I want as much want to do cooking as much as I want to redo my chemistry labs.
desigirl:
Now what better way to make sure the wifey didn’t ask you to venture into the world of cooking ever again?
He he, don’t give away my ploy!
g-man:
maybe we should get a whole bunch of similar people and have a barbecue, you know, prevent population explosion
Given our track records, we shouldn’t go anywhere near propane tanks. Then only population we will be preventing will be ourselves
SK:
And all men should start learning cooking I say!
and all women should start appreciating Star Wars!
if wifey lets you cook for kiddo the next time
I hope now! She must have learned her lesson my by now
rahul:
I know a lot(boiling water and stuff)
ROFL. You already know more than you need to! All you need to know is how to call Pizza Hut in case of emergency.
…I think I have found my teacher…Sir
Lol
Alan:
Never tried the ghee though, I should!
You lost me at “boil”
Vijay:
“Tomato Fried Rice”…(rice, tomatoes and ketchup all stirred)
Lol. Tomato Fried Rice, in its essence! I should try this too!
poor wife goes through an elaborate exercise to make pulav and is met by comments like “hmmm needs a little more salt mom”…
Haha!
Lol! Like most of your posts, this one is funny too!
Couldn’t help smiling….Lol!
“All she did was look at the dish in which I produced my magnum opus and raise an eyebrow. I waited for the other eyebrow to follow suit but it didn’t. That was not a good sign.”
Could imagine u waiting with bated breath for the other eyebrow to raise! Haha
What a terrible wife! She doesn’t seem to know much about food nor kids. I mean, who doesn’t like Mac & cheese with a twist? And she wanted you to send the kid to clean up rather than having him watching the stoves? That’s heartless!
I think she’s just jealous. Not everybody can reinvent mac & cheese. Kids love you best. The world is at your feet. Next time, toasts!
(sorry Mrs. twisted DNA — I really was joking!
)
I totally loved this post…..cannot stop saying “mac n cheese is the easiest thing to cook, how could you burn it”
Thats was good!!!
I have the same problem with my hubby too
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
man ya make it sound like ya’re joey with a kiddo- ya’re obviously the younger kid!
ya wry sense of humor really caught me off-the-cuff..
muhahahahahahahaaaa..
wifey must be pitcccccccccched offff!!!
do ya still piss in ya pants?? n then tel ya wife, tat ya kid still pees in his pants, so big deal…
keep it cumin in.. ya’re a funny bone!
bow-wow!
haha! I would probably end up doing the same thing
I ask my roomie 100 times before making anything until she gets frustrated and does it for me! 
Lol… As long as u managed to feed ur kid something n keep him happy, everthing is fine.. I haven’t really ventured much beyond 2 min maggi n instnat soups! And gues wot, m a woman!!! But now tat doesn’t deserve any special mention really!
I usually remind my husband to read your blog when updated. But no, not this one.
I’ve somehow managed to convince him that he could possibly be the only husband who would ask “why boil milk?” or “idli is tasty, did you add puli/tamarind for fermentation?” or “cant we just have bread with curd?”
such a lovely post!
psst - dont you think human hands are somewhat spatula shaped?!
Sajith:
Couldn’t help smiling…
Next time we meet, I will cook you some food… let’s you if you will still be smiling
Zhu:
That’s heartless!
That’s what the kid and I always tell her!
Not everybody can reinvent mac & cheese.
Haha! “reinvent” is a perfect word! If somebody asks me if I can cook, I wll tell them I “reinvent” cooking.
Next time, toasts!
Toasts! Let me not get ahead of myself! Toasts is probably too hard for me to try.
(sorry Mrs. twisted DNA — I really was joking!
)
He he. That’s OK. Living with me, she is pretty insensitive to all kinds of jokes
jayashri:
cannot stop saying “mac n cheese is the easiest thing to cook, how could you burn it”
You women, you all think alike!
Bharathi:
I have the same problem with my hubby too
Err… we think it’s the women that have the problem
JANE:
ya’re obviously the younger kid!
LOL
wifey must be pitcccccccccched offff!!!
She is beyond that stage now. She just sighs and mutters something
HID:
I ask my roomie 100 times before making anything until she gets frustrated and does it for me!
Good technique, I should remember to use it
pointblank:
And gues wot, m a woman!!!
Be sure to find a partner who can cook well, to preserve the balance in the universe
Suvarna:
I’ve somehow managed to convince him that he could possibly be the only husband who
He and about half of the world’s population
would ask “why boil milk?”
Exactly! I drink the raw cold milk… much tastier and easy to make
“idli is tasty, did you add puli/tamarind for fermentation?”
Hmm.. so what is wrong with that question?
“cant we just have bread with curd?”
Interesting new idea. Please convey my and the kid’s thanks to your husband
such a lovely post!
Thank you!
psst - dont you think human hands are somewhat spatula shaped?!
psss.. no
nowhere good I say!
well…. m indeed deeply concerned about maintaining the balance in Universe.. so u know any good men who can cook well ?!?!?
wait a minute.. u actually left a 3 year old with the stove? Bravo!
u r the funniest blogger alive!!!
but leaving a 3 yr old with the stove is not funny…
i hope its here only for the effect.
awww poor kid!!
wonder if he would have complained if u dint double the cheese…
he sounds like a real sweetheart
Whoa…. that was wacko.. wicked and fun to read… but i can imagine the exp was nuthing compared to this … hehehe…
She: YOU LEFT A 3 YEAR OLD AT THE STOVE!?
Me: I know, he completely blew it. In retrospect I should have watched the pot while he did the cleaning. But hindsight is 20/20.
hahahahahaha
Hey, just stumbled on to your blog and found it very interesting! This post was funny though the macaroni sounded totally unappetising to me
Lol!
hahahaha!!
my first time here and loving it!!
well if it makes you feel any better i cant cook mac-cheese either! and that i have burnt coupla things INCL the contents overnight and survived!!
(yeah i have a really nice hubby)
ofcos you DONT want to improve lest you are expected to dish out cuilnary wonders on regular basis!! :p
awesome post!!
cheers!
hi my first time here and loving it!
btw would your kid have complained if he didn’t like the ball if cheese?
cheers!
:D You rock, you know. Maybe you forgot the fundamental rule: Men CANNOT multi-task. Why even try?! Poor well-fed child.
patent it brother ! i have so many patented dishes to my name ! especially after my wedding ! there is this particular thing ! i start with the idea of making pepper and onion chicken steak and end up making a smoked chicken breast in some kind of disgusting sauce
Dude! i am going to sue you for depriving me of some quality humor for over a month now! blog fast.
I have to say… We guys often have our culinary expertise belittled over little or no evidence. Everytime I go home and visit the parental units, I invariably dabble in the art of cookery.
Nine times out of ten, I DO manage to scrape by with edible food and without fatal injuries. But even then, when mom comes home from work, the drama is invariably the same. She lets out a screech in the league of high pitched bats of the Amazon, gets dizzy for a while, and lies on the couch for about 15-20 minutes before she regains her calm composure.
The cooking per se does not give me any problem, but the aftermath of my cooking session usually deflates the real estate value of our home… particularly the kitchen.
Cleaning up after is the actual tiring job.
This is the first time I’m commenting on ur blog.
awesome post man!!…laughed like anything.
actually ur blog is pretty famous among our coll pals
hilarious post as always…hope to see more
Lol! Good one.
LOL
LOL! atleast being a good son, he dint put a same side goal. my sis gobbles up everything n cant wait to complain to my mom of my terrible meal.