Monthly Archive for December, 2007

Oops, my sister did it

Jamie Lynn Spears, Brittany Spears’ sister, announced today that she and her sister are in competition to see who will have most kids. Analysts predict it is going to be a very interesting competition, as Jamie Lynn has a head start of several years. Sources close to Spears family said that in the future they will also engage in the following competitions:

    1. Who marries a bigger sleezebag
    2. Shortest marriage.
    3. Number of kids falling from high-chair.
    4. Number of beaver-flashes in a week
    5. Number of no-shows to court appointments
    6. Who will go broke first and end up as an authentic trailer-trash

      Story of three teens

      15 years ago. It was the living room of a quiet house in a small town in India. Seated there, at the edge of their seats, were three young guys in their late teens. The tension in the room was palpable. Their eyes were glued to the TV. As an outside observer, I know the reader has questions. What is so gripping about the old-fashioned girl-on-girl porn they are watching? Are these teens anxious to find out whether the older girl is able to properly teach the younger girl how to satisfy her boyfriend?

      Interrupting the enchanting pop sound-track of the movie, spoke guy_1, “Do you think we will be able to finish the movie before your parents return?” Guy_2 chimed in, “Yeah, do you think we should fast forward a bit?”

      Guy_3 pointed to the women on TV, who, by that time, were moaning at a pitch attainable only by Vampire bats, and said, “The movie can’t be much longer. It’s only 8:50. Mom and dad wont’ be back before 9. We will have enough time to finish the movie and have a smoke before they arrive.”

      Noticing the discomfort on their faces, Guy_3 explained his master plan. “Listen, If I hear them at the main door, I will run and intercept them. I will buy you enough time to retrieve the cassette out of the VCR and hide it in my room. It’s as simple as that.” Reassured they went back to watching the tangle of limbs on the screen and trying to figure out whose hand is doing what to which body part.

      The reassurance lasted for about 5 minutes until the TV screen went blank. As darkness descended in the room, their hearts stopped with the realization that the power just went out. “Holy shit!” shouted one of them, “How the hell are we going to get the tape out of the VCR?” Another guy chose a stronger swear word, more appropriate for the occasion, and proceeded to repeat it with different stress each time. “Fuck fuck fuck…” Out of this chaos boomed the nonchalant voice of Guy_3, “Guys, let’s not panic. We are engineers. We can take the VCR apart in 2 minutes and get the cassette out.”

      At any other time Guy_1 and Guy_2 would have sat Guy_3 down and discussed: 1. How wrong he was when he said “we are engineers” when there is no hope of their passing second year of engineering. 2. How opening up VCRs is not remotely connected to their engineering curriculum. 3. How they would love to kick Guy_3 in the nuts for not panicking. But they didn’t,because opening the VCR was the best idea at that time.

      With impressive speed the VCR was opened. It didn’t take them too long to figure out that VCRs are not like candy boxes which you open and grab whatever you want from them. In fact, the “Star Whores Episode IV: A new hole” video tape was locked in some intricate mechanism which was difficult to study in the candlelight. At which point Guy_1 asked, “Guys, don’t you think it would look more suspicious if we are caught with an open VCR? How would we explain it?” With this new insight into the situation the VCR was assembled back.

      After half an hour, the power did not come back but the parents did. The three guys nervously wandered around the living room hoping the power would be restored before the living room was locked from inside for the night. The power was restored soon after but with one glitch. Guy_3’s mom was immediately heard saying, “Oh good the power’s back. Let me turn off the TV so we can go bed.” Guy_3 sprang to action shouting, “Mom can I talk to you privately in the kitchen?”

      It is inconsequential what irrelevant matter Guy_3 discussed in the kitchen or the fact that his mom was heard saying, “OK, but why do we have to talk about it now?”. Nevertheless the video tape was transferred to safety before the discussion ended.

      Different people react differently to the same situation. Guy_1 didn’t stop trembling for a week. Guy_2 asked later that night, “Those girls were amazing. Do you think we can manage to see it again tomorrow?” Guy_3 blogged about it 15 years later.