Rocking parents
Published September 10th, 2007The Mad Momma, with a cruel sense of humor, tagged a bunch of parents to talk about their sex lives. The tag is going around the blogworld as “How do you have rocking sex after a baby.”
If you are thinking, “Huh, what’s the big deal,” let me spell out the two implicit rules of the tag.
1. The aforementioned rocking sex must be within marriage
2. It must involve both of you
Like a true software engineer (who is old and pedantic), I came up with a flow-chart. This flow-chart speaks for any parent of a toddler.
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Passing Thoughts
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[+] According to this news item the definition of rape has been widened. If a woman refuses sex in the middle of the act, the rest of the act is considered rape. I guess she can re-accept sex making it consensual again. Don’t be surprised if you see criminal cases with the following description: “She went to his place at 8:00PM. They had coffee. They had sex from 8:30PM to 8:54PM. He raped her from 8:55PM to 9:01PM. Then she reluctantly agreed to sex. So, technically, he partially raped her from 9:02PM to 9:15PM. They both had dinner. Later they had sex after he briefly raped her.” [3 comments]
[+] Pentagon admitted that they accidentally shipped missile parts to Taiwan. Be assured that US is not in the business of selling arms. It might so happen that Taiwan may accidentally ship some money to US in the future. Who knows what accidents happen. [1 comment]
[+] Sarah Jessica Parker is whining that she won the “Unsexiest Woman Alive” award from Maxim readers. If you ask me, she should be quite glad that she didn’t win the “Unsexiest Horse” award. [2 comments]
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LOL!!! You are the funniest guy around the blogosphere,should get your own TV show like Jay Leno!!:D
Rings true
And THAT is why I don’t have kids. (and because I’m with a woman & it’s not so err… straight (?)-forward.
Pun unintended.
Twisted, you have my vote for the funniest guy EVER. You should take part in one of them blog contests. Seriously. Your blog rocks with funniness.
Hey, What is wrong with sex in a bath tub? You can also pretend that you were bathing each other if kid walks in…
:D see.. i knew you had it in you.. you just had to dig deep for the inspiration. thanks for being a sport!
ROFL!!!!!
the best one yet
tdna:
this was one of your great ones
- s.b.
tdna:
oops, forgot to leave some sage advice - once you are parents twice over, more often than not, you’ll leave the bases loaded and end up with a scoreless inning!
- s.b.
:-)
hhhhmmmmm….. funny
n scary too. so gotta go have enuf sex before i get married. see you later 
Asha:
You are the funniest guy around
Isn’t that the nicest thing to say! Thank you very much!
should get your own TV show like Jay Leno
You know, I always dreamed of being a stand-up comedian! But unfortunately, I don’t think I have the delivery for it. May be some day…
rads:
Rings true
Thrice over?
Broom:
ROFL @ straight-forward
Melody:
I am honored, Mel, especially hearing from you!
Sakshi:
You can also pretend that you were bathing each other if kid walks in
Yep and the next day kid will announce to a room full of family and friends, “Mom and dad bathe each other after I go to bed.”
the mad momma:
thanks for being a sport!
Thanks for the tag. So many people are being such nice sports and it’s fun reading them
Kodi’s Mom:
I too hope to maintain the quality
the best one yet
“yet” -> Thanks for keeping the faith
some body:
you’ll leave the bases loaded and end up with a scoreless inning
Haha! Good metaphor. I guess we live with the hope that there is always next innings to score
nz:
Thanks
Maverick:
scary
Scary? This is not scary when compared with other marriage stuff
so gotta go have enuf sex before i get married
LOL. Except that here is such thing as “enough sex.
True blue engineer can always consider another vocation…and you’d be a runaway success at creating laugh riots. Truly, yours was the best so far!
LOL, ROFL.at falling asleep and all the interruptions, and most at ‘are you desperate?’!! LOLLLL!!!!
thanks for some embedded tips
The flow chart is too good!
But there is a simpler way.
1.feed baby, change baby and put baby in a safe place.
2.Bolt the door.
3.Do it
Always works.
tdna, that was hilarious! This is one flow chart my non-technical mind could truly grasp. Imagine how complicated the equation would be if you threw in another kid in the mix. Or a third one, like in rads’s household.
ha ha, dude, u rock!!
lolol
How true, how true! Been there and NOT done that hehehe
Too many threads leading to ABORT MISSION
That was brilliantly done… *clapping*
Nice phrasing too, “abort mission”
super duper funny. One of your best.
gee guys, I seem to become some juicy fodder out here!
TOO MUCH!! Laughing with all those stiches is not fun, but God, the post is!
Am sending it to The Other right now
Very well thought out
brilliant stuff!
so impressed! have always admired flowcharting skills…
thanks for this post. it was a pleasant departure from the day i’ve had!
This is hilarious. An excellent reason for childless couples to er… make hay while the sun shines…
Superb! Hilarious! It’s difficult to stop laughing.
Humor through flowcharts. Ingenious.
Hey, shouldn’t both “yes” and “no” from the bathtub point to “Home run?”
Once the kid walks in and gets inadvertantly mooned, they quickly learn not to do that again. (”But dear, I was sure the door was locked.”)
man, u rock
wanted to know errr more nice people in the blogosphere…
coming here from ki-jana-main-kaun’s blog, as you are my fellow awardee in the ‘nice’ blog awards
good mate, now m hooked for more, and no typos these, have bookmarked you already
here’s to more bumbees’
take care
DNA,
dont have babies yet, but u are scaring the shit out of me
Tdna - you’ve been tagged ;-p
LOL…tough life you living..huh? I liked your response to sakshi’s comment man..hehehehe
LOL! ROTFLMOF! superb! simbly superb! a day in the life of parents of toddlers indeed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MadMomma…..i guess i needn’t do the tag now coz Twisted DNA has spoken for all parent-kind!!!
just like that :
Thank you!
you’d be a runaway success at creating laugh riots
Nice to hear that
burf:
thanks for some embedded tips
Lol. I guess I learned a lot of tips and tricks for survival
PS:
2.Bolt the door.
Haha and I guess ignore whatever happens outside the door I guess. World can wait for a few minutes
terri:
Imagine how complicated the equation would be if you threw in another kid in the mix
It will be much simpler then. Just one box, “Don’t even think about it”
desigirl:
ha ha, dude, u rock!!
Thank you
whatsinaname:
Been there and NOT done that
LOL! Well said.
Too many threads leading to ABORT MISSION
I am just glad that at least one thread leads to “score.” I hope that’s going to remain that way
Karen:
That was brilliantly done
Thanks! I need to get hold of you one of these days! It’s been a long time since we talked about your cooking
nidhee:
super duper funny. One of your best.
Thank you. I can always count on you to find it funny
rads:
gee guys, I seem to become some juicy fodder out here!
Not juicy enough… care to draw us your flow chart
Tdna - you’ve been tagged ;-p
Man, this is tag harrassment
Esha:
Hey! Glad to see you surface online again! Hope you both are doing well. I know your “flowchart” for the next few months
Divsu:
Very well thought out
Software minds
shub:
brilliant stuff!
Thanks!
si:
it was a pleasant departure from the day i’ve had
Cool! I am glad that it’s a “pleasant” departure
Shripriya:
for childless couples to er… make hay while the sun shines
Yep. As opposed to making hay while the kid sleeps
harish:
Humor through flowcharts. Ingenious.
I am good at it, just that, this time it is intentional
Niket:
Once you get to that point, pretty much anything points to “home run” 
Hey, shouldn’t both “yes” and “no” from the bathtub point to “Home run?”
They do
Alan:
they quickly learn not to do that again.
If “they” refers to kids, I think you are right. If “they” referts to parents, I doubt it
(”But dear, I was sure the door was locked.”)
Lol
adi:
Hello, fellow nice blogger. Nice to know you too!
Hawkeyeview:
dont have babies yet, but u are scaring the shit out of me
Sorry man, I gave you the wrong pictures. The real story is scarier than this
Pallavi:
tough life you living..huh?
That flowchart is for every parent. So what does it tell you about parents? We like to whine a lot
Aqua:
Thank you for the kind words.
MadMomma…..i guess i needn’t do the tag now coz Twisted DNA has spoken for all parent-kind!!!
Wow! So all those flowcharts they teach in engineering classrooms are actually usable somewhere!
I am glad I stumbled back on this post after my long break!
I know it. I just know it. Conan O’Brian pays you obscene amounts of money to stay off air. That’s the only explanation.
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i pity u really if u have to go through all that !
do u use visio
Yes, visio? Seriously, I like the flowchart
.
Hilarious man!!! ROTFL
hahhahahhahahahahha. that was gooooddd!!!!
Sudipta Chatterjee :
those flowcharts they teach in engineering
They tech flowchars in engineering? Damn, I should’ve paid more attention!
Anu:
I am glad I stumbled back on this post after my long break!
Are you glad about stumbling or the long break?
OrangeJammies:
Conan O’Brian pays you obscene amounts of money to stay off air
LOL! Thanks Dil! But you know, next time you are using a hyperbole, try to use Jon Stewart
mahathma:
I can take your comment and add it as a laugh track for the post
mahathma & jude:
I use Visio normally but this time I used Power Point. I don’t have Visio on this laptop. Looks like you are visio advocates, like me.
Smita.is & La Vida Loca:
Thank you!
Shouldnt u use a diamond for the questions :–P
ROTFL!!! Too good! Hats off! :–)
This flowchart should be printed out and handed out to them people at the marriage registrars office, all flush with new lust…
awesome man..had a nice morning laugh..
you could print this flow chart on the back of contraceptive boxes..
this flow chart could singlehandedly boost sales of contraceptives!
you are sitting on a gold mine here with this flowchart that even non-engineers are raving about..
:)
o man - you engineers have to make a flow chart even for sex…..
but awesome stuff … was ROTFL
lolz…thats funny! ROFL
see flow charts and me go long way bak with quality control, but man this is seriously “the” flow chart required for publication
………….
I can imagine a scene in a class with parents, tattered clothes,syrup dripping towels,messy hair…and ready to hear the word ……..wait i stil have to say go……..
My goodness - that was hilllllarious!!! You should post this some place else and make some fat bucks on this - Dave Barry style!
Hehe!
Awesome!
buddy that was so gud & quite true too!!!!!!! well done!
Hilarious…I will keep this in mind WHEN I do have kids!
Sir,
This is the first time since dooce that I am so impressed. I am having the first pangs of a mediocrity complex right now and I blame you completely. Hilarious stuff…carry on, twisted!
SK:
Shouldnt u use a diamond for the questions
Haha! I told you. You are a geek
Kiran Manral:
This flowchart should be printed out and ..
LOL. You are right. It might work better than any contraception
mathew:
Glad you liked it!
sundar narayanan:
this flow chart could singlehandedly boost sales of contraceptives!
Haha. I know the consequences of parenthood are too mortifying!
By the way, thanks for blogrolling me
something to say:
o man - you engineers have to make a flow chart even for sex…..
Not for everything. Flowcharts are only for important stuff
Ujwal:
Thanks
deepthi:
Haha. I know engineers appreciate the flowchart
wait i stil have to say go……..
Lol. No time for such formalities as “ready set go” etc.
noon:
May be I should.
Dave Barry style!
I am quite honored! Interestingly you are not the first person to mention that my style is similar to Dave Barry and more interestingly I never read Dave Barry
–Sunrise–:
Thank you!
Has to be me:
Thank you
MsCutePants:
Hilarious…I will keep this in mind WHEN I do have kids
Lol. Once you have kids, there won’t be any time to anything on mind
Parul:
Thank you for those kind words!
carry on, twisted!
Hey, this could be a good title for a movie if I ever make one
One of the best posts read in recent times….
Hi,Its the first time i m reading ur blog………n i must say u simply ROCK!!!!!!!!!
That was a fun read. LOL, Funny how a flowchart can get you stomachache from laughing…
Thanks your article is amazing.
I will definitely read your blog..
See ya
That was a RIOT! Will keep in mind after I get married and BEFORE we plan to … ahem … extend ze good ‘ol family from two to 2+ …
That was hialrious… see my comment for the “I plead guilty of living in US”? You should definitely give stand up comedy a go~~
hey man, you’re too good at writing… seriously awesome…. n you’ve got a great sense of humour.. i know so many have told you this by now…. but then, it is… the last time i enjoyed so much was when i read my own blog
http://hellfreezer007.blogspot.com
lols.. sorry, got inspired by ur tips n tricks about how to promote one’s own blog
oooh, I thought I’d commented on this post when I read it back in September.
Seems like I wasn’t intrepid enough back then.
Seriously, man, you RULE!
But not even you can make me wish I was studying Physics right now
And am blogrolling you.
Great work…and coming up with a flow chart to express the thing…awesome!
Thanks for sharing
I’d prefer reading in my native language, because my knowledge of your languange is no so well. But it was interesting! Look for some my links: