Rocking parents

The Mad Momma, with a cruel sense of humor, tagged a bunch of parents to talk about their sex lives. The tag is going around the blogworld as “How do you have rocking sex after a baby.”

If you are thinking, “Huh, what’s the big deal,” let me spell out the two implicit rules of the tag.
1. The aforementioned rocking sex must be within marriage
2. It must involve both of you

Like a true software engineer (who is old and pedantic), I came up with a flow-chart. This flow-chart speaks for any parent of a toddler.

rocking_sex.png

89 Responses to “Rocking parents”


  • LOL!!! You are the funniest guy around the blogosphere,should get your own TV show like Jay Leno!!:D

  • And THAT is why I don’t have kids. (and because I’m with a woman & it’s not so err… straight (?)-forward.
    Pun unintended.

  • Twisted, you have my vote for the funniest guy EVER. You should take part in one of them blog contests. Seriously. Your blog rocks with funniness.

  • Hey, What is wrong with sex in a bath tub? You can also pretend that you were bathing each other if kid walks in…

  • :D see.. i knew you had it in you.. you just had to dig deep for the inspiration. thanks for being a sport!

  • tdna:

    this was one of your great ones :-)

    - s.b.

  • tdna:

    oops, forgot to leave some sage advice – once you are parents twice over, more often than not, you’ll leave the bases loaded and end up with a scoreless inning! ;-)

    - s.b.

  • hhhhmmmmm….. funny :) n scary too. so gotta go have enuf sex before i get married. see you later :)

  • Asha:
    You are the funniest guy around
    Isn’t that the nicest thing to say! Thank you very much!
    should get your own TV show like Jay Leno
    You know, I always dreamed of being a stand-up comedian! But unfortunately, I don’t think I have the delivery for it. May be some day…

    rads:
    Rings true
    Thrice over? :P

    Broom:
    ROFL @ straight-forward :)

    Melody:
    I am honored, Mel, especially hearing from you!

    Sakshi:
    You can also pretend that you were bathing each other if kid walks in
    Yep and the next day kid will announce to a room full of family and friends, “Mom and dad bathe each other after I go to bed.”

    the mad momma:
    thanks for being a sport!
    Thanks for the tag. So many people are being such nice sports and it’s fun reading them

    Kodi’s Mom:
    the best one yet
    “yet” -> Thanks for keeping the faith :) I too hope to maintain the quality

    some body:
    you’ll leave the bases loaded and end up with a scoreless inning
    Haha! Good metaphor. I guess we live with the hope that there is always next innings to score

    nz:
    Thanks :)

    Maverick:
    scary
    Scary? This is not scary when compared with other marriage stuff ;)
    so gotta go have enuf sex before i get married
    LOL. Except that here is such thing as “enough sex.

  • True blue engineer can always consider another vocation…and you’d be a runaway success at creating laugh riots. Truly, yours was the best so far!

    LOL, ROFL.at falling asleep and all the interruptions, and most at ‘are you desperate?’!! LOLLLL!!!!

  • thanks for some embedded tips :D

  • The flow chart is too good! :)
    But there is a simpler way.
    1.feed baby, change baby and put baby in a safe place.
    2.Bolt the door.
    3.Do it
    Always works. :D

  • tdna, that was hilarious! This is one flow chart my non-technical mind could truly grasp. Imagine how complicated the equation would be if you threw in another kid in the mix. Or a third one, like in rads’s household.

  • lolol :)

    How true, how true! Been there and NOT done that hehehe
    Too many threads leading to ABORT MISSION :)

  • That was brilliantly done… *clapping*
    Nice phrasing too, “abort mission”

  • super duper funny. One of your best.

  • gee guys, I seem to become some juicy fodder out here!

  • TOO MUCH!! Laughing with all those stiches is not fun, but God, the post is!
    Am sending it to The Other right now :-)

  • Very well thought out ;)

  • so impressed! have always admired flowcharting skills… :-)

    thanks for this post. it was a pleasant departure from the day i’ve had!

  • This is hilarious. An excellent reason for childless couples to er… make hay while the sun shines… :)

  • Superb! Hilarious! It’s difficult to stop laughing.

    Humor through flowcharts. Ingenious.

  • Hey, shouldn’t both “yes” and “no” from the bathtub point to “Home run?”

  • Once the kid walks in and gets inadvertantly mooned, they quickly learn not to do that again. (“But dear, I was sure the door was locked.”)

  • man, u rock
    coming here from ki-jana-main-kaun’s blog, as you are my fellow awardee in the ‘nice’ blog awards :) wanted to know errr more nice people in the blogosphere…
    good mate, now m hooked for more, and no typos these, have bookmarked you already
    here’s to more bumbees’
    take care

  • DNA,

    dont have babies yet, but u are scaring the shit out of me :-)

  • Tdna – you’ve been tagged ;-p

  • LOL…tough life you living..huh? I liked your response to sakshi’s comment man..hehehehe

  • LOL! ROTFLMOF! superb! simbly superb! a day in the life of parents of toddlers indeed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    MadMomma…..i guess i needn’t do the tag now coz Twisted DNA has spoken for all parent-kind!!!

  • just like that :
    you’d be a runaway success at creating laugh riots
    Nice to hear that :) Thank you!

    burf:
    thanks for some embedded tips
    Lol. I guess I learned a lot of tips and tricks for survival :)

    PS:

    2.Bolt the door.
    Haha and I guess ignore whatever happens outside the door I guess. World can wait for a few minutes :)

    terri:
    Imagine how complicated the equation would be if you threw in another kid in the mix
    It will be much simpler then. Just one box, “Don’t even think about it” :)

    desigirl:
    ha ha, dude, u rock!!
    Thank you :)

    whatsinaname:
    Been there and NOT done that
    LOL! Well said.

    Too many threads leading to ABORT MISSION
    I am just glad that at least one thread leads to “score.” I hope that’s going to remain that way :)

  • Karen:
    That was brilliantly done
    Thanks! I need to get hold of you one of these days! It’s been a long time since we talked about your cooking :P

    nidhee:
    super duper funny. One of your best.
    Thank you. I can always count on you to find it funny :)

    rads:
    gee guys, I seem to become some juicy fodder out here!
    Not juicy enough… care to draw us your flow chart :P

    Tdna – you’ve been tagged ;-p
    Man, this is tag harrassment :)

    Esha:
    Hey! Glad to see you surface online again! Hope you both are doing well. I know your “flowchart” for the next few months :P

    Divsu:
    Very well thought out
    Software minds :)

    shub:
    brilliant stuff!
    Thanks!

  • si:
    it was a pleasant departure from the day i’ve had
    Cool! I am glad that it’s a “pleasant” departure :)

    Shripriya:
    for childless couples to er… make hay while the sun shines
    Yep. As opposed to making hay while the kid sleeps

    harish:
    Humor through flowcharts. Ingenious.
    I am good at it, just that, this time it is intentional :)

    Niket:
    Hey, shouldn’t both “yes” and “no” from the bathtub point to “Home run?”
    They do :) Once you get to that point, pretty much anything points to “home run” ;)

    Alan:
    they quickly learn not to do that again.
    If “they” refers to kids, I think you are right. If “they” referts to parents, I doubt it :D

    (”But dear, I was sure the door was locked.”)
    Lol

    adi:
    Hello, fellow nice blogger. Nice to know you too!

    Hawkeyeview:
    dont have babies yet, but u are scaring the shit out of me
    Sorry man, I gave you the wrong pictures. The real story is scarier than this :P

    Pallavi:
    tough life you living..huh?
    That flowchart is for every parent. So what does it tell you about parents? We like to whine a lot :)

    Aqua:
    Thank you for the kind words.

    MadMomma…..i guess i needn’t do the tag now coz Twisted DNA has spoken for all parent-kind!!!

  • Wow! So all those flowcharts they teach in engineering classrooms are actually usable somewhere! :)

  • I am glad I stumbled back on this post after my long break! :)

  • I know it. I just know it. Conan O’Brian pays you obscene amounts of money to stay off air. That’s the only explanation.

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    i pity u really if u have to go through all that !

  • Yes, visio? Seriously, I like the flowchart :) .

  • hahhahahhahahahahha. that was gooooddd!!!!

  • Sudipta Chatterjee :
    those flowcharts they teach in engineering
    They tech flowchars in engineering? Damn, I should’ve paid more attention!

    Anu:
    I am glad I stumbled back on this post after my long break!
    Are you glad about stumbling or the long break? :P

    OrangeJammies:
    Conan O’Brian pays you obscene amounts of money to stay off air
    LOL! Thanks Dil! But you know, next time you are using a hyperbole, try to use Jon Stewart :P

    mahathma:

    I can take your comment and add it as a laugh track for the post :)

    mahathma & jude:
    I use Visio normally but this time I used Power Point. I don’t have Visio on this laptop. Looks like you are visio advocates, like me.

    Smita.is & La Vida Loca:
    Thank you!

  • Shouldnt u use a diamond for the questions :–P

    ROTFL!!! Too good! Hats off! :–)

  • This flowchart should be printed out and handed out to them people at the marriage registrars office, all flush with new lust…

  • awesome man..had a nice morning laugh..

  • you could print this flow chart on the back of contraceptive boxes..

    this flow chart could singlehandedly boost sales of contraceptives!

    you are sitting on a gold mine here with this flowchart that even non-engineers are raving about..

    :)

  • o man – you engineers have to make a flow chart even for sex…..
    but awesome stuff … was ROTFL

  • see flow charts and me go long way bak with quality control, but man this is seriously “the” flow chart required for publication ;) ………….

    I can imagine a scene in a class with parents, tattered clothes,syrup dripping towels,messy hair…and ready to hear the word ……..wait i stil have to say go……..

  • My goodness – that was hilllllarious!!! You should post this some place else and make some fat bucks on this – Dave Barry style!

  • buddy that was so gud & quite true too!!!!!!! well done!

  • Hilarious…I will keep this in mind WHEN I do have kids!

  • Sir,

    This is the first time since dooce that I am so impressed. I am having the first pangs of a mediocrity complex right now and I blame you completely. Hilarious stuff…carry on, twisted!

  • SK:
    Shouldnt u use a diamond for the questions
    Haha! I told you. You are a geek :P

    Kiran Manral:
    This flowchart should be printed out and ..
    LOL. You are right. It might work better than any contraception :)

    mathew:
    Glad you liked it!

    sundar narayanan:
    this flow chart could singlehandedly boost sales of contraceptives!
    Haha. I know the consequences of parenthood are too mortifying!

    By the way, thanks for blogrolling me :)

    something to say:
    o man – you engineers have to make a flow chart even for sex…..
    Not for everything. Flowcharts are only for important stuff ;)

    Ujwal:
    Thanks :)

    deepthi:
    Haha. I know engineers appreciate the flowchart :)

  • wait i stil have to say go……..
    Lol. No time for such formalities as “ready set go” etc. :P

    noon:
    Dave Barry style!
    I am quite honored! Interestingly you are not the first person to mention that my style is similar to Dave Barry and more interestingly I never read Dave Barry :) May be I should.

    –Sunrise–:
    Thank you!

    Has to be me:
    Thank you :)

    MsCutePants:
    Hilarious…I will keep this in mind WHEN I do have kids
    Lol. Once you have kids, there won’t be any time to anything on mind :)

    Parul:
    Thank you for those kind words!

    carry on, twisted!
    Hey, this could be a good title for a movie if I ever make one :)

  • One of the best posts read in recent times….

  • Hi,Its the first time i m reading ur blog………n i must say u simply ROCK!!!!!!!!!

  • That was a fun read. LOL, Funny how a flowchart can get you stomachache from laughing…

  • Thanks your article is amazing.
    I will definitely read your blog..
    See ya

  • That was a RIOT! Will keep in mind after I get married and BEFORE we plan to … ahem … extend ze good ‘ol family from two to 2+ … ;)

  • That was hialrious… see my comment for the “I plead guilty of living in US”? You should definitely give stand up comedy a go~~

  • hey man, you’re too good at writing… seriously awesome…. n you’ve got a great sense of humour.. i know so many have told you this by now…. but then, it is… the last time i enjoyed so much was when i read my own blog
    http://hellfreezer007.blogspot.com
    lols.. sorry, got inspired by ur tips n tricks about how to promote one’s own blog ;)

  • oooh, I thought I’d commented on this post when I read it back in September. :D Seems like I wasn’t intrepid enough back then.

    Seriously, man, you RULE!
    But not even you can make me wish I was studying Physics right now ;)

    And am blogrolling you.

  • Great work…and coming up with a flow chart to express the thing…awesome!

  • I’d prefer reading in my native language, because my knowledge of your languange is no so well. But it was interesting! Look for some my links:

  • HAHAHA
    i am going to make the above laughter as my trade mark for all my comments in ur blog!
    well u thought so much to come up with a flow chart!!
    amazing!

  • uahahahahahhahaaa …. now THAT is hilarious !

  • hahaha, nice use of a flow-chart.

  • hey …this is great stuff…u have amazing gift of writing ….keep it up :)

  • truly hilarious !!!
    first base – second base – third base :P
    the best comedy using the “base” analogy .. perhaps only next to the wonder years’ comedy !! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hp2D2Brgc7w – 7:08 of this video)

  • Dude,
    You know you have hit paydirt with this post when a guy named Mahatma decides to laugh his ass off!

  • Hilarious! I loved it!

  • Hey, just thought I would drop a line to tell you that your site took a little while to load… are you using a caching plugin? I don’t know if they have any chaching plugins for Blog Engine, but I know they do for WordPress and it makes my WordPress sites load A LOT faster! Maybe it is just my internet connection though, check your webmasters tools and see what it says the load time is.

  • hah hah hah…..
    Can’t laugh like mahathma though

  • *Can I just say what a relief to find someone who actually knows what theyre talking about on the internet. You definitely know how to bring an issue to light and make it important. More people need to read this and understand this side of the story. I cant believe youre not more popular because you definitely have the gift.

  • .`* I am really thankful to this topic because it really gives great information -*`

  • Appreciating the dedication you put into your website and in depth information you offer. It’s good to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same old rehashed information. Excellent read! I’ve bookmarked your site and I’m adding your RSS feeds to my Google account.

  • So funny… i am so excited about this but i read this submit when it arrived and was thinking of all kinds of joyful rings… and a month later, i got engaged. to the most lovely person. and he presented me a ring which is so properly mermaid-ish me :)

  • I got what you intend, thankyou for putting up.

  • bosss…how??wot makes u think bout all this…does the kid wanna go do potty…hehehehe…lmao man…thumbs up!!! \m/

  • Thank you for making the effort to study this opinion, I feel intensive about idea and would like to learn a few things on this item. If possible, as you attain knowledge, would you mind updating your web-site with a great deal of more info? It’s very helpful for me.

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