Management is child’s play at Twisted DNA

Management is child’s play

Published July 2nd, 2007

When you receive some management training, and consequently lose some common sense, you tend to think like a manager every waking minute. If the sight anybody not working makes you wince, imagine the pain it causes to see a resource run around naked without any task assigned to him. Yes, I am talking about a toddler/pre-schooler.
If you ever had tried to assign tasks to a pre-schooler, you would have realized that pre-schoolers’ work-ethic and their view towards work assignments are very unprofessional. How do you deal with a subordinate who takes the task and its materials, shoves them in the toilet and pees on them? Very unprofessional.

If you still want to make your child work for you, you need to get creative in your assignment and the motivation you provide to ensure their timely delivery. Here are a few tasks I can suggest:

Get him to make the shopping list: Simply ask your kid, “We have bread and bananas, what do you want to eat?” He will list you all the items that you don’t have in the house.

Get him to take care of weeds: If you have weeds in your yard and want to get rid of them, show your kid how to water plants using a hose. And tell him that the weeds need constant watering. Give him 3 days to kill the weeds by drowning.

Get him to mash food: Leave the food you want mashed on the floor. Place a mallet next to it and remove yourself from the view. A few minutes later your food will be mashed along with a few other things in the room. Be warned that you may find it a little inconvenient to retrieve your food that is evenly spread across the room.

Get him to find the permanent marker: If you ever fail to find the permanent marker, put a white shirt on your kid. Leave him in the room and wait for his white shirt to turn black with the marker ink. He has found your marker.

Get rid of annoying co-passengers: If you are on a flight and the guy in the next seat is making conversation while you are trying to stay quiet, softly tell your kid, “This uncle knows how to tell a male cat from a female cat”. You can even get some sleep while those two sort out the matters.

Get him to point out the right capacitor: You are often in this situation where you have a bunch of capacitors in your hand but only one fits the circuit perfectly (I am assuming you are hopeless geek). Place the capacitors in front of your child. The one he puts in his mouth and chews is the one you want.

Get him to shred paper: Just hand any paper to him and tell him that it is a very important paper. It will be in million pieces before you can say “wait”.

Get him to find condoms: If you forgot where you kept your condoms, leave your kid in the bedroom. He finds them every time without fail. In fact, he will find them much faster if there is another person in the room, like a friend or a cousin.

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55 Responses to “Management is child’s play”

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1 The_Girl_From_Ipanema Jul 2nd, 2007 at 2:43 am

LOL. also if you need to hang up on a phone call that has gone on too long- just go to the room where the kid is. Rest will be taken care of.
2 curiouscat Jul 2nd, 2007 at 4:17 am

LOL! I am now thinking that managers must be required to get a license before they can produce babies!
3 Sakshi Jul 2nd, 2007 at 5:25 am

Get him to tell the inconvinient truth - He will always tell what you think of the relatives, repeating ad verbatim what you said just the other morning
And wil proceed to refuse to tell the said relatives his name..
4 neihal Jul 2nd, 2007 at 5:27 am

hahahahahahaaha !!!

so true !!
5 anisha Jul 2nd, 2007 at 7:05 am

hehe!
6 Cinamon Jul 2nd, 2007 at 7:36 am

ROFL. lost all pins, needles and coins can be found best by them .
7 rads Jul 2nd, 2007 at 9:55 am

:)

He finds them every time without fail. In fact, he will find them much faster if there is another person in the room, like a friend or a cousin.

what on earth is someone else doing in your bedroom?!
8 Sudipta Chatterjee Jul 2nd, 2007 at 12:35 pm

Hahahhaa…. did you ever try testing the combustion temperature of objects around your house?
9 Something to Say Jul 2nd, 2007 at 1:24 pm

lol…so true…esp the condom bit….
or if you want to get rid of some unwanted gift - give it to your child and tell him its tres important……
10 La Vida Loca Jul 2nd, 2007 at 3:34 pm

i like i like…. will remember
11 si Jul 2nd, 2007 at 6:43 pm

you are too hysterical! what a great list! (thx for this post — was having a not-so-good-day before i read it.)
12 Lera Jul 2nd, 2007 at 9:26 pm

He hee..That was real Funnieeee..

T-DNA,I would say that’s hilariously well organised task list , not to mention, as lil home helpers ,especially if they are Attention Deficit Hypersensitive kids who are over energized ,all these suggested tasks would be highly recommended for sure, with exception to mashing of food….yuck!Some are truely beneficial, like Getting rid of annoying co-passengers, and as paper shredders with unwanted paper stuff & taking care of weeds
13 Dream catcher Jul 3rd, 2007 at 1:34 am

wow!! coooll…really funnyyyyy

u rock sir!!!
14 itchingtowrite Jul 3rd, 2007 at 3:00 am

loved the line- resource running naked!!
oher jobs- finding medicines/ cream/ breakable objects, dangerous stuff/ dirt/ shoes / keys
15 Neon Jul 3rd, 2007 at 4:23 am

LOL!
16 Aishu Jul 3rd, 2007 at 4:23 am

I just came accross this site..and man, Is it going to be a treat!

You made heads in my office turn around to see why am laughing so much!

Thnx..and keep going.
17 Crystal Blur Jul 3rd, 2007 at 8:07 am

I sense you may be able to contribute to the ongoing commenting thread on a blog titled “Humiliating moments in parenting”. Go nyaw: http://buggydoo.blogspot.com/2007/06/contest-humiliating-moments-in.html
-Crys
18 Wanderlust Jul 3rd, 2007 at 9:57 am

I bet you are in the IT industry !!!
for No other field has managers who can conjure up such extents of resource utilisation. )
19 Cinamon Jul 3rd, 2007 at 10:45 am

Vaccum the house: Leave them on the floor alone for a while and all the minute things from all corners will be pulled out.
20 Ravi Jul 3rd, 2007 at 9:53 pm

Hahahaha !! I am laughing like an idiot in my office !! This is soooo hilarious .
21 Sunita Jul 3rd, 2007 at 10:52 pm

ROTFL.
To Clean-up your handbag, just hand it over to them. even the tiniest bit of paper or crap is out and probably in their mouth as well.
22 Twisted DNA Jul 4th, 2007 at 1:15 am

The_Girl_From_Ipanema:
also if you need to hang up on a phone call … just go to the room where the kid is
So true! If the kid doesn’t grab the phone and hang up, he will talk to the other party. They are bound to hang up after 10 minute of such talk I know of people who just handed the phone to the kid when they wanted to get rid of a marketing call

curiouscat:
I am now thinking that managers must be required to get a license before they can produce babies!
LOL. There may be new classes called “Child Harrassment”

Sakshi:
He will always tell what you think of the relatives … And wil proceed to refuse to tell the said relatives his name..
Haha. Ya, he will say everything except what you want him to say. This is going to be a pattern in the coming ages

neihal:
so true !!
Hmmm. how do you know, you don’t even have experience in this matter

anisha:
hehe!
You have time to read blogs these days between the city visits?

Cinamon:
lost all pins, needles and coins can be found best by them
“best by” should be replaced with “in”
Leave them on the floor alone for a while and all the minute things from all corners will be pulled out.
If I don’t leave the kid on the floor, these days, he is pointing things out to me. “There is a spider web in that corner” and so on! He is like a talking vacuum
23 Twisted DNA Jul 4th, 2007 at 1:15 am

rads:
what on earth is someone else doing in your bedroom?!
Haha. Couple of things. 1. If you live in California, you have so many relatives living around that you are practically living like in India, people at your place all the time. 2. This is not about me.. this is a hypothetical situation

Sudipta Chatterjee:
did you ever try testing the combustion temperature of objects around your house?
I have a feeling I will soon find out

Something to Say:
or if you want to get rid of some unwanted gift - give it to your child and tell him its tres important……
:) Unfortunately, our kid doesn’t stop at “unwanted” gifts

La Vida Loca:
i like i like…. will remember
Yes will come in handy.. soon

si:
you are too hysterical!
Isn’t hysterical derived from the word, “hysteria”. If so, you are so right
thx for this post — was having a not-so-good-day before i read it.
That line made my day too!

Lera:
if they are Attention Deficit Hypersensitive kids
Is there any other kind?
with exception to mashing of food….yuck!
Wait until your son becomes more adept with fingers and hands, you will be dealing with a lot of mashed food mixed with mud and kept in fridge
24 Twisted DNA Jul 4th, 2007 at 1:19 am

Dream catcher:
u rock sir!!!
Thank you! And thanks for sending all the traffic my way. Two people mentioned that they came from you. I need to send you flowers or something

itchingtowrite:
finding medicines/ cream/ breakable objects, dangerous stuff/ dirt/ shoes / keys
Ya! Those medicines! My kid not only finds them but tries to justify his behavior by inventing ailments!

Neon:
Thanks for stopping by!

Aishu:
I just came accross this site..and man, Is it going to be a treat!
Thank you for the vote of confidence!
heads in my office
Just heads? What happened to their respective bodies? (Ok, don’t throw things at me now.. I do make lame jokes once in a while!)

Crystal Blur:
I sense you may be able to contribute to the ongoing commenting thread on a blog titled “Humiliating moments in parenting”.
I don’t’ want to sound holier-than-thou or anything, but I don’t think of any humiliating moments. Humiliation comes if I think “oh, what do people think of this kid or me”. But I don’t really care what people think. If people can’t understand kids will be kids and do all kinds of trouble, it’s their problem not mine.

Wanderlust:
for No other field has managers who can conjure up such extents of resource utilisation.
haha. You hit the nail on the head!

Ravi:
Hahahaha !! I am laughing like an idiot in my office !! This is soooo hilarious .
Being able to laugh out loud is a rare quality. It is very therapeutic so don’t mind other people in the office

Sunita:
To Clean-up your handbag, just hand it over to them. even the tiniest bit of paper or crap is out and probably in their mouth as well.
Haha! So true and it’s not an easy job considering how these woman’s handbags seems to contain everything but kitchen sink (including but not limited to safety pins, address books, several pens, “female hygiene products” of 20 types, photos, bills, recipes.. I can go on forever)
25 rebel Jul 4th, 2007 at 5:27 am

This uncle knows how to tell a male cat from a female cat
I seriously hope I never meet you in a flight!
26 Cinamon Jul 4th, 2007 at 6:49 am

talking vaccum?? can he beat you to talking yet?
27 How Do We Know Jul 5th, 2007 at 12:23 am

OK, this is my gyan for the day for everyone i know.. mailed it to junta after laughing my own head off.. and am waiting to hear from them. (the url is in the mail too)

We should have a fan club for u, and this Fan Club should take care of Emergency situations like ur India trip and the consequent absence from Blogosphere. (actually, only the absence is the emergency. No wait, the word now is “Contingency”)
28 jattz Jul 5th, 2007 at 5:27 am

LOLz…..that was very funny…..ur blog makes my mouth to open permanently…result…2 flies sittin on wisdom tooth…masking my genius…hehehehe…
29 Crystal Blur Jul 5th, 2007 at 8:15 am

Twisted DNA,
Wow! I thought you would check out the link and roll on the floor with laughter. In my mind the embarrassment is not so much about being judged. It is something akin to having ones foot in the mouth…at least that was what I thought from the blog I linked.
-Crys
30 Pallavi Jul 5th, 2007 at 12:48 pm

hehehe!! I have walked away from the annoying co-passengers because of their management gurus too even without talking to them..
31 Twisted DNA Jul 5th, 2007 at 1:25 pm

rebel:
I seriously hope I never meet you in a flight!
If you really sit next to me, that would be least of your worries You would probably begging me to stop talking so you can go to sleep

Cinamon:
talking vaccum?? can he beat you to talking yet?
Beating me at talking is easy. Beating his mom at talking would be the bar he has to aim for

How Do We Know:
mailed it to junta
Why, you don’t like your friends? Hope they liked it!
We should have a fan club for u,
Nice idea! But it would be nice if there are more people than you and me in it
should take care of Emergency situations like ur India trip and the consequent absence from Blogosphere.
Fortunately no trip is coming any time soon. Hopefully my wife feels the same way.
Thank you for reassuring me that you still like the blog. Always nice to be reassured.
No wait, the word now is “Contingency”
lol. Stop reading all those management books

jattz:
ur blog makes my mouth to open permanently
I should put a statutory warning saying I don’t take responsibility for it

Crystal Blur:
Hey Crys, I am sorry I reacted before looking at the link. Now I understand what you are saying I might contribute to it. Thanks for the link.

Pallavi:
Ya, if we could walk away there is nothing better than it. But if you have a kid, and a bunch of baggage, we will have to find creative ways
32 Kodi's Mom Jul 5th, 2007 at 3:22 pm

finally! we get to hear about the kid who inherited Twisted’s DNA
your post rings very close to home! banking on the kid to get rid of passenger/deweed/find obscure things/shred paper - done all that several times over
33 Kiran Manral Jul 5th, 2007 at 9:25 pm

And you forgot to mention, swear often and vehemently just before the relatives choose to visit so you can be made proud of the wonderful vocabulary your child is inheriting… my brat is an expert at MC, BC and the like
34 Geetu Jul 5th, 2007 at 11:44 pm

LOL.. now this is a blog i really enjoyed reading after a long time. thanks for visiting mine!

Dunno how you came there.. but i am glad you did!

Cheers!
35 Aishu Jul 6th, 2007 at 2:40 am

Just done with the entire lot of posts here and left a message on your first one.

You have got me addicted..man,am already waiting for a new post from you!
36 Nachi Jul 7th, 2007 at 1:09 am

twisted!! dude you made me laugh so hard that i almost (keyword: almost) peed in my pants…

ps: carrying a toddler is never a good idea if you have long hair and ear-piercings..found that out to my dismay and agony the other day when i held my niece!!

still, you are totally insane and hilarious!! cheers mate! ;D
37 Keshi Jul 8th, 2007 at 11:45 pm

LOL @last one!!

Keshi.
38 Cinamon Jul 9th, 2007 at 11:20 am

test electric sockets : leave the switch on. the ones where they sont scream after insertign the finger needs replacement.
39 Aman Jul 9th, 2007 at 2:12 pm

LoL…
This is one Real Resource utilization…
Everything in this world can be used….Thanx to the Managers!
40 Nivi Jul 11th, 2007 at 1:26 pm

“Get him to shred paper: Just hand any paper to him and tell him that it is a very important paper. It will be in million pieces before you can say “wait”.”

rotfl.. tht was super funny
41 sushma Jul 11th, 2007 at 2:47 pm

This is toooooo good and so true ..

Yup!! the resource, the kid who inherited the TD’s genes should be capable of this and much more. I am sure you must be enjoying every single moment of it though.

It always leaves a pleasant feeling reading your post.. keep them coming more often
42 Mehak Jul 11th, 2007 at 10:11 pm

optimum utilisation of resources is the key for good management and ur post proves that you do it all the time…
I never knew having a baby cud be sooooo rewarding..:-)
keep up the great writing…
43 Ekta Jul 12th, 2007 at 1:26 am

hahah
As usual hilarious!!
especially loved the last one!;-)
44 whatsinaname Jul 12th, 2007 at 2:40 am

lol
That was like “a chicken soup for the parents”
45 Traveller Jul 12th, 2007 at 6:26 am

Haha! Oh the joys of parenthood. Almost seems like I you wrote about my own experiences other than for the capacitors (dude, do youhoard capacitors at home?). Love your writing and read every post.
46 Karen Jul 12th, 2007 at 8:52 pm

Nice, very funny…. now if you want to find things faster, TWO kids are better than one, so don’t you think your son needs another brother or sister, to help him find stuff and did that condom thing really happen? and what were you repairing to have capacitors lying around?
47 Cinamon Jul 12th, 2007 at 11:29 pm

laughter channel: When you feel down and out smile at them and what you get in return will cure you of anything…
48 sam Jul 13th, 2007 at 3:15 am

lol… lovely post!! I’m yet to get to a stage where I have to deal with a kid.. but then.. it’s good to know the tricks before hand!!
49 Dream catcher Jul 13th, 2007 at 5:08 am

My pleasure sir..n what bout flowers…jst write like this..n we all are yours..he he
50 Maverick Jul 13th, 2007 at 6:04 pm

hillarious……my mom said- when i was young she heard me crying once, when she came running to me, what she saw was tht i had applied all the zandu balm on my penis (god knws why i was applying it there ), tht balm which they hadn’t found frm months.
51 Cinamon Jul 15th, 2007 at 5:27 am

Weigt loss. Try to eat all chocolates in their presence
52 Sense Jul 18th, 2007 at 5:49 am

MY first time but this is good stuff. Pure gold. I ought to frame this on the wall, just to be reminded what an…er… naked resource is capable of. They’re even more fun when you’re teaching them to talk. It’s amazing how they will refuse to learn a simple word like ‘mum’ but all you need to do is accidentally let slip a word like ’s-h-i-t’ and the next thing you know, they’re saying to all your friends and relatives.
53 mommyof2 Jul 18th, 2007 at 1:51 pm

lol! great post as usual:-)
54 dipali Jul 28th, 2007 at 2:19 am

How true, how true!
55 NK Aug 7th, 2007 at 4:45 am

Very well written piece! To be a parent, one has to apply all he’s learnt & bring out all his skills …
Tact being the most important.

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