Statutory warning
Published June 20th, 2007
Warning: If you experience nausea, dizziness, diarrhea or sudden buildup of ear wax, you may be suffering from a fatal reaction caused by the blog. Technorati reports that this blog already caused more than 100 reactions:
OK, you got the point. Technorati used to call them, very appropriately, “links.” Now they are “reactions.” It bothers me when people use obscure terms to represent something very simple. They are either trying to make it easy for laypeople to understand or be politically correct. In most cases it ends up confusing us.
Since we are on the topic of obscure expressions, here are some more examples:
- “Contact your health care professional“: Means “see your doctor” but why use one word when three are sufficient!
- “A store associate will help you”: Basically a salesperson but calling him an “associate” makes him sound less sleazy.
- Single Family Dwelling: Sounds like some kind of haunted house. It simply means “house”.
- Administrative assistant: Means “secretary” and I don’t know why “assistant” is less offensive than “secretary”
- There will be work force actions: You will be searching for a job soon
- Concession stand: Means the popcorn and soda stand outside a movie theater. They make it sound like they are selling food at dirt cheap prices, calling it “concession,” when in fact soda and popcorn cost more than a month’s salary.
- Senior Citizens: Old people. It’s funny to note that a lot of these senior citizens are not citizens
- “I need to freshen up“: Women don’t pee. They freshen up.
- In-flight refreshments: Peanuts and half a can of soda.
- “They consummated their relationship”: A delicate way of saying they jumped in the bed and did it until the bed broke.
- “Oh, she is just an Adult Entertainer, honey”: Whichever way you call a “stripper”, you are screwed after this.
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Passing Thoughts
[+] Two girls scouts are protesting girl scout cookies because they say they are endangering some species. If you looked at the nutrition information of the cookies they sell, you would agree that one of the endangered species is mankind. [0 comments]
[+] According to this news item the definition of rape has been widened. If a woman refuses sex in the middle of the act, the rest of the act is considered rape. I guess she can re-accept sex making it consensual again. Don’t be surprised if you see criminal cases with the following description: “She went to his place at 8:00PM. They had coffee. They had sex from 8:30PM to 8:54PM. He raped her from 8:55PM to 9:01PM. Then she reluctantly agreed to sex. So, technically, he partially raped her from 9:02PM to 9:15PM. They both had dinner. Later they had sex after he briefly raped her.” [3 comments]
[+] Pentagon admitted that they accidentally shipped missile parts to Taiwan. Be assured that US is not in the business of selling arms. It might so happen that Taiwan may accidentally ship some money to US in the future. Who knows what accidents happen. [1 comment]
[+] Sarah Jessica Parker is whining that she won the “Unsexiest Woman Alive” award from Maxim readers. If you ask me, she should be quite glad that she didn’t win the “Unsexiest Horse” award. [2 comments]
[+] A new-born rhinoceros in Kenya has been named “Kofi Annan” after the former UN Secretary General. Mr. Annan has been making phone calls since morning to figure out if that is meant as an honor or insult. [5 comments]
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Lol @ Adult Entertainer. True there’s no way of saying it right…
But these obscure definitions/phrases do go a lil’ too far at times.. how about vertically challenged (for short), economically marginalized (for poor) or even intellectually impaired (for stupid)!!
Hmmff… missed gold by a whisker! Well.. I’ll settle for the silverware.
The funniest of this category is one I heard from Russell Peters — African American Jack!
P.S. - Where did you find out the true effects of calling the “Adult Entertainer” ?
Adult entertainer… TD, i am impressed with your observation skills.
add some more:
Q: do i look fat.
Ans: You always look beautiful (read as: yes u do. i dont care,. now can we jump in bed?)
Could you repeat your question pelase (i was gathering wool)
after an interview : we shall get back to you (dont expect a call ever)
hahah!
Tis is hilarious!!
Loved the “consummated the relationship” one…lol!
Agree with you. The world is becoming way too weird with it’s political correctness.
I hate the fact that the word Actress is now redundant & all actresses are now called Actors. Why? Why? WHY??
And how about In-flight Attendant - why is that less offensive than air-hostess?
And congrats on passing the 100 marks on the Tech reactions (yes, I did notice)
LOL @ freshen up and why do they want me go with them to the loo even when I don’t need to???!!!!!!!
LOL…may be it works..and people feel less insulted!!:)
Lol !! I’ll add one more to the list
Customer Service Executive
sounds like the CEO of the company !
admin assistant is just a fancier way of saying secretary
Well, they are PC. Obviously some point in time the earlier titles effected certain sensibilities, and they’ve evolved to these.
Being politically correct is so in
Esp in DC area … what what you say, or you’d be slammed under a bunch o legalities you’d wish you weren’t born.
Nice collection
what what you say
I meant watch what you say..
I have one, I have one! “Therapist”: Someone the child can puke on and scratch because mommy is stoned and daddy likes it in jail.
Ohh and Statutory warning: i need to say this else i will get sued, but its crap.
Good stuff as always. Congratulations on your ranking. I still haven’t crossed the 500,000 mark.
I’m totally with Melody on the “Actress” thing. “Female actor” sounds so goofy on the award shows.
Easily the funniest thing I have read in ages.
Loved your style of abservation. Women dont pee, they freshen up! ROTFL
Good collection twisted. And congrats on the 100and more score!! Admin in Indian context - is usually guys who - you know do the admin work - fix the pipes, the AC, etc. First few months after marriage, hubby (who has a completely americanised vocab) - kept telling me about this hot admin babe - and I wondered how come they hired a woman to do ‘admin’ work. Thats not a woman’s job!!
Ho hum …..
Hey There !
First time here ! Came in from Ouch My Toe ! This is wonderful space ! Congratulations.
Will blogroll you & ok..imagine Arnold..”I’ll be back” !!
Cheers
kavi
hahaha…that was funny…u have a great blog here….I loved the intro u have given to ur blog….
yes its true…its making a lot of reactions….I need to blogroll u….:D
hee hee… yes, even i m sick of ever better nomeclature that basically means the same thing!
Women don’t pee. They freshen up.
:)
funny post, enjoyed it as always!
Single Family Dwelling
this threw me off so much when house hunting. I still dont kno what qualifies as one…why cant it just be apartments and homes.. thats what it comes down to anyway!
‘Cosummating a relationship’ always sounded to me like two people are expected to consume something…weird I know, but then my brain works in strange ways.
And ofcourse women don’t pee…..don’t tell me u didn’t know that! Just like they don’t fart or burp!
Hilarious
**I need to freshen up“: Women don’t pee. They freshen up.
LOL!
Ok I love this post…but I love ALL ur posts
How have ya been?
Keshi.
Hilarious!
And the intro to your blog is truly amazing….
Will keep comin back!
Dear Friend,
1. Nice writings.
2. Extremely attractive blog. A new comer to the world of blogging got to learn a lot from your blog. Would do a great help me as well.
3. Thanks. Keep expecting comments from me.
Regards
Cererations (Jitendra Tiwari)
the heights of euphemism…
LOL
very funny.
I HAD to tag you.
http://thestrapstory.blogspot.com/2007/06/finally.html
Reminds me of those pre-GRE days
Care to update?
came thru the dreamcatcher’s blog!
lol!! luv this space so so much!!! u rock!
Bumped here from dream catcher’s blog.
And i had a good time here..keep up the wrk…its gr8!
perspective inc :
True there’s no way of saying it right
Only to your wife… my friend don’t mind whatever way I say it
vertically challenged (for short), economically marginalized (for poor) intellectually impaired (for stupid)!!
LOL. Never heard those but they will come very handy!
Sudipta Chatterjee:
LOL@silverware
Where did you find out the true effects of calling the “Adult Entertainer” ?
At a bachelor party. We called her and found out the true effects.
Cinamon:
I am not posting frequently enough
Adult entertainer… TD, i am impressed with your observation skills.
You just need to be a guy, these things come naturally. No need for observation skills
read as: yes u do. i don’t care,. now can we jump in bed?
LOL. The last part is certainly true
we shall get back to you (dont expect a call ever)
Yep, that happened to me personally
I HAD to tag you.
I alrady did that tag! Ha ha ha
Care to update?
I know
Ekta:
Not reading much these days.
Hey, how have you been? Haven’t read your blog in a some time
Melody:
But actually what matters is the “authority” (formerly known as linking blogs). I think it contributes to the overall weight more than just “reactions”
In-flight Attendant - why is that less offensive than air-hostess?
Exactly! That is the kind of thing I am talking about. What’s wrong with air-hostess! Why do we have to invent a new word and add to the confusion!
And congrats on passing the 100 marks
Thanks
Asha:
why do they want me go with them to the loo
I think it’s a pact in women. So that one doens’t hit on another’s man
Pallavi:
LOL…may be it works..and people feel less insulted!!:)
I don’t think it will work. Initially people thought “retarted” was insulting because people started to use it as a swear word. Now they call them “Mentally Challenged”. Now people are using it as a swear word
Ravi:
Customer Service Executive sounds like the CEO of the company
LOL! Ya! I spoke with one guy named “Customer Service Director”. I asked him are you a directory in the company. He said, “No, it’s just my title”
drama div@:
admin assistant is just a fancier way of saying secretary
Ya, for no apparent reason
rads:
earlier titles effected certain sensibilities,
Holey Moley! You can talk that language, huh!
Being politically correct is so in
That’s how one would feel if they live in VA
OrangeJammies:
“Therapist”: Someone the child can puke on and scratch because mommy is stoned and daddy likes it in jail.
LOL! Unfortunatley, it is so true!
Alan:
Congratulations on your ranking
It took less of good writing and more of making friends
“Female actor”
Sounds like an euphemism for a transvestite actress
Always In Chaos:
Easily the funniest thing I have read in ages.
Thank you! Always good to hear that!
Something to Say:
Good collection twisted. And congrats on the 100and more score!!
Thank you! As I said before, it’s mostly friends
Admin in Indian context - fix the pipes, the AC, etc.
Really!? I never heard that!
kept telling me about this hot admin babe
Haha!! It’s not a good for a husband to think a guy who fixes pipes is hot.
kavi:
First time here !
Glad you enjoyed it
imagine Arnold..”I’ll be back” !!
Imagine me like California voters, voting for you to be back!
jattz:
I loved the intro u have given to ur blog….
Thank you! Hope you liked rest of the stuff too
I need to blogroll u….:D
Thank you for your reaction
How Do We Know:
i m sick of ever better nomeclature that basically means the same thing!
“ever better” is a good way of saying it.
Kodi’s Mom:
funny post, enjoyed it as always!
Thanks
thats what it comes down to anyway!
I think it comes down to anyplace where one can live, including under the bridges
freespirit:
but then my brain works in strange ways.
LOL. Yes, I know some of the ways. Write more so we can see more strange ways of your brain working
And ofcourse women don’t pee…..don’t tell me u didn’t know that! Just like they don’t fart or burp!
Of course! You have the guy to blame that on
chitra:
Hilarious
Nice to see you!
Keshi:
Ok I love this post…but I love ALL ur posts
You know how to cheer me up
Sumit a.k.a The Acid Tongue:
And the intro to your blog is truly amazing….
Thanks Sumit! I am very glad you liked it!
Jitendra Tiwari:
I am glad you found this helpful. If I can help you in any way, please don’t hesitate to ask
Hi Jitendra. Thanks for those well organized comments
jack:
very funny.
Thanks! I hope to keep it this way
munimma:
Reminds me of those pre-GRE days
You did the GRE! You GRE guys scare me. I could never remember all those words
Ani:
u rock!
Wow! Never heard that compliment! Thanks!
Akanksha:
Bumped here from dream catcher’s blog.
I need to send flowers to Dream Catcher!
And i had a good time here..
That’s what I strive for!
You still have to do it… Ohh come on TD don’t be a spoilt sport.
I am laughing…and My mom from other room woke up!
Lol
Loved it DNA:)
First time commenting on your blog.
I laughed hysterically when I read your post.
I liked your post about the obscure terms people use. I remember another one like the one you said women freshen’up they don’t pee. Similarly they say women feel bloated when actually she needs to fart and men simply farts, they don’t bloat.
So why these fancy terms. I guess just to make one feel better about their job and their identity.
Pintoo
This was hilariuos! I really like your blog.Am blogrolling you!
LOL…now I know why I always got strange looks when I honestly stated I wanted to go to the loo…
Ps; Can I blogroll you…