Monthly Archive for April, 2007

Extra! Extra!

extra_extra.pngSo everybody heard about the heinous crimes of Shilpa Shetty and Richard Gere. You probably only heard what the newspapers reported so far. But our excellent team of investigative journalists at Twisted News dug deep into this matter and uncovered dark secrets and hidden truths!

burst.pngJudge Gupta who declared Gere’s acts, “highly sexually erotic” has been found to own a collection of porn tapes that exclusively consist of people kissing passionately on hands.

burst.pngApparently judge’s verdict has been misreported in the news. The reason judge issued a warrant against Gere is not because he kissed Shetty, but becuase Gere was not wearing a condom during these explicit sexual acts.

burst.pngThe truckers who gathered at the AIDS conference, were completely shocked by this promiscuity and had to seek psychological counseling

burst.pngThere is going to be a warrant against all parents in the country. Public display of their children is vulgar proof of their private sins.

burst.pngA new investigation in the light of this judgment revealed that many people are in violation of obscenity law by carrying around phallic symbols such as umbrellas.

burst.pngIt baffled everybody what the judge meant by the statement, “[Shilpa Shetty] never restrained herself but kept inviting Gere for the kissing episode.” Our research team found that in several African tribal cultures giggling like an imbecile is construed as invitation for a kiss

burst.png Sources close to Shilpa Shetty informed us that Ms. Shetty’s legal team is preparing a strong case around the fact that Ms. Shetty, in fact, tried to restrain Mr. Gere by kicking him in the nads but was not successful because of her tight sari.

burst.pngThe top secret law behind issuing Aishrywa Rai summons because of the alleged obscenity in the movie Dhoom, even though there are several movies where women barely wear clothes, has been traced to these highly confidential pages of India Penal Code. Here is a photocopy:

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Commenting for Dummies

Do you know that in the modern times in the blog-world a comment is an important part of the social etiquette? Do you know that your comment is the only proof for your friend bloggers that you read and understood a post? Do you understand that commenting is the way bloggers bond, establish friendships and form alliances?

Are your friendships suffering because you don’t have enough time to comment on all your friends’ blogs? Are you finding yourself spending hours reading blogs but still not able to fulfill your social obligation of commenting?

Fret not. Help is here!

A Dummies book designed especially for time strapped bloggers like you. It has hundreds of time-saving tips to make your commenting more efficient. Once your read the book we guarantee that you will be able to comment on all your friends blogs from work without your employer suspecting a thing!

Here are some sample tips for you:

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If you have 30 seconds
In 30 seconds you can barely get past Blogger.com’s dreaded word verification. So don’t even try to read the title of the post. Just enter “Wow! Great post” in the comments.

If you have 2 minutes
You still don’t have time to read the entire post. So glance through the post and pick any sentence with pompous words. Quote the line and write, “Man, how do you find such perfect words to express your thoughts.”

If the post is a poem
The good and bad thing about these poet-bloggers is that they think each line of their poem is a gem. Just pick any random line, quote it and say, “I love this line. This is the best line.”

If it is a rant post
Before you read any post do a search for the phrases, “Am I making sense”, “I am confused” or “hard to explain”. If you find them, don’t read the post. You won’t understand it. Also, your blogger friend couldn’t care less if you understood the post. All she wants is your support. Just tell her what she wants to hear. “I can understand you sweetie. Don’t forget I am here for you if you want to talk.”

If you actually have time to read a post
Then don’t follow the first rule and enter some random compliment. Read the post carefully. But in most cases the post makes no sense and you are left wondering if the post is in Pig Latin. In such cases simply say, “Wow great post.”