Thoughts on South Indian weddings
Published January 19th, 2007Here are a few random thoughts that were going through my mind as I was attending the weddings in India.
First of all, South Indian wedding are like software packages. There are several rituals in each wedding, but just like software modules, you customize a wedding by choosing which rituals you want to include. You can have a light-weight wedding in 2 hours or you can have a full featured wedding for 2 days. Don’t forget that there may be dependencies. Imagine something like:
“Can I include the arundhati darsanam module?”
“Sorry sir, you need to have included sadasyam module for that”
What’s with the 2am muhurtham or the auspicious time chosen for the weeding? These times are determined by astrologers in consultation with planets. If these planets are suggesting the most inconvenient time for the wedding, may be they are giving a hint!
And of course there is this wedding ritual. The priest makes the bride and groom do things that have no apparent meaning, like, “Ok groom, take this twig and make circles in the air above your head with it.” The practical meaning of most of these is lost in time. But the funny part is, there will be a ‘holier-than-thou’ older person who wants to nitpick at something as absurd as that. He keeps insisting, “No, no! You are not supposed to hold the twig in the middle. You must hold it at one end!” This guy must have devoted half his life to see a world where twigs are treated with respect and dignity.
If the wedding is a long wedding, there will be a communal sari changing room set up. I think it’s unlawful to be seen in the same sari for more than 2 hours. There will be about 4 women changing saris in this room at any given time. Typically, an older woman is posted guard at the door. She shouts at the top of her lungs “Women are changing here, keep away” and does everything in her power to deter approaching males, short of digging trenches around the room. She regards any male older than 3 with suspicion, not knowing that, the people she should really be watching are at the unguarded side of the room where a window carelessly left ajar is almost always found.
One regular fixture at the weddings is the “official photographer”. Just like how 007 has the license to kill, this guy has the license to step on anybody’s toes. He won’t hesitate a moment to push you with his elbow or stand on your foot, if he is getting a good angle. Most of these people have a passion for taking dinner photographs, surprising happy diners with photographs in their most compromising eating positions. I think there is a secret competition among these professional wedding photographers… who can get most people with mouths wide open. Bonus points if there is food in the mouth.
Enough aimless blabbering.
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Tell me about it!!!My wedding went on from 6am to 4pm and I changed Saris about 5-6 times and they forgot to feed us on time too!If I had a choice,I wouldn’t go through that at all no matter how “fun” weddigs are.OYY!!
ROTFLMAO at the saree changes!! I remember asking my Mom if I could wear jeans and change just the T shirt at my sis’s wedding - that amounted to new dress, right? Somehow she thought my logic was flawed…
I think the wedding is a torture process to remind the bride and groom of what their life is going to be from now on.. It also acts a deterrant to divorce- see in old days when it took 4 days, no body got divorced! Who would want to go through all that again? And now that we can shorten it, divorce rates are up..:)
really really funny!!!! made my day today.. thanks
With due respect to your post, I love Indian weddings and the ceremonies that go around it. It is such a pity that the real symbolism and intent have been lost over the years…
That said, agree with you on the photographer part…and what about the vdo guy? In one wedding tape we saw, there were large portions focussed on a cute looking female, and she wasn’t even the bride!!! disgusting!
Well, I am trying hard here to not have a video camera guy the wedding. Forget stepping on toes and elbowing the guests… what really irritates me is the lights. What are they trying to do, blind you? As though one headache ( the realtives) per day isn’t enough…
nice work on the new webpage… wish I knew how to make one!
I LOVE your aimless blabbering! It rings so true and has me in splits!!! Digging trenches….lollll !!! Carry on TD! :0)
2am for weeding…rotfl…really good one!
yaa either 2 am, 6 am muhurtam (bye bye sleep) or 2pm muhurtam (helloooo ulcers)
Nit pick on rituals thats a staple. Or after having spent lacks of rupees on food there is that one asshole who complains about the quality food…
Dont forget the women that size up the brides jewellery, clothes, make up etc.
GUess a wedding is fun for everyone except the couple getting married and their families
:P lol.
fun post as usual TD!
have been to just a couple of South Indian weddings - and i think the groom going to kashi is the awesome-est part of it all!
And the women…..more gold in one hall than in the vaults of Switzerland, I bet!
and talking abt the wedding, the mantras that are being recited in Shanskrit holds no meaning to the wedding if no one knows the actual meaning… when the priest asked u to throw things into the ring of fire and thereafter asking them to follow the ricitation of those mantras will be emaningless… oh ya have i forgotten to mention that its a sign of insult shld the gal wears little jewellery and haveing only 2 sarees to change…? Weird Indian culture!
One of my friends (an American of Irish descent) married into a very traditional Indian family. So they of course had the very traditional wedding. So on top of what you describe, add a bufuddled groom who pretty much just went where he was told and tried not to mess anything up. The wedding was gorgeous though.
couldn’t agree more… i too have wondered about the muhurtam timing. the funniest part is when its 2am in the morning, you shud see the faces of the people attending the ceremony!… it looks like some zombie horror movie.. most of them half-asleep just waiting for the ceremony to get over so that they could get back to their sleep! lol … was fun reading your post… keep it coming!
oh, lucky, you haven’t attended any North Indian or marwari weddings - they start with ’sangeet night’ and are atleast 3-4 days long ! And don’t even remind the ‘muhurat’, I was starving by the time our ‘muhurat’ finally arrived and then to go to sasural after vidai at 4.00am and some more rituals and pujas are waiting for you
But its fun, its once in a life time event, so why not enjoy all the attention for a change 
:-)
I think midnight/early morning weddings rock. It seems a special time, with all the excitement and fanfare….
You seem to have had a lot of fun!
Every south indian ( read tam brahm ) wedding i’ve attended has been boring as hell. The various aunts are huddled in a little group gossipping about the unmarried girls in view, the uncles are forming little groups and discussing cricket and the poor bride and groom are agonising about when the damn thing will finally get done. And yeah, the photographers are unfailingly waiting for your weirdest expression to be captured for posterity! I wonder what I can get away with when its my time….
Funny!! Its so much fun to watch the traditions changing over period of time!:)
njoyed reading this one!!
That was hilarious. There are always relatives coming up asking if I know them… then they inform me of a relationship that takes approximately 5 minutes to complete from start to finish. Then they say there’s no way I could know them because the last time they saw me I was 1.5 or so. It’s fun meeting them, next time I”ll take a pic and record the relationship so I can figure out what the respectful form of address should be.
LOL good one DNA!
** you customize a wedding by choosing which rituals you want to include.
I agree…they r all tailor-made…even the partners!
:)
Keshi.
I hate getting photographes when I am eating. And I just do not see the point why photographers insist on freezing the moment when u have just stuffed your mouth with food.. call that appetite-killing [X-(]
T-DNA, what a fun way to describe weddings and all the action out there.I had a fun time reading it,you do really have a twisted sense of Humour
She regards any male older than 3 with suspicion, not knowing that, the people she should really be watching are at the unguarded side of the room ..”
that was really Amusing , will start checking on open windows for sure
“Bonus points if there is food in the mouth..”
what a way to be photographed..hee hee
Have a great day!
>> … who can get most people with mouths wide open. Bonus points if there is food in the mouth.
ewwwww. that’s gross!!
DNA: When you see people wearing windows (blouse) why shud people bother to look those windows….
I went thru’ all these with no food, but my guy swallowed good food in a banana leaf without his parents knowledge. Well , I had pictures of it and showed to my inlaws later and thaz a diffeent story.
Photographer becomes a VIP for the crowd and even people smile hard when they see the action lights. Damn…. Who knows he can easily flirt around:-))
LOL @ the photographer! so true!
And BTW how was ur wedding?!
There are atleast 4 full pages devoted to people ‘enjoying’ their food in wedding albums. It becomes soooo embarrasing to see your own pic there!! At my brother’s wedding the photographer has strict instruction to NOT taking any of my pictures in two situations- flirting with food and flirting with guys!
I love Indian weddings.They are always so colorful and festive and does not end in one day.And you are right the photographer is the VIP.
:o) you are so jobless…!!! but i love your posts…
and hell.. i have never seen a south indian wedding with a late night mahurat.. its always easier to just stay up all night…
they somehow only have early morning mahurats and you go nuts getting up early and getting dressed for them.
and yeah.. its sad that indian weddings are in sanskrit.. which leaves ppl looking bored and they end up saying things in the most zombie like manner.. which takes away from a meaningful ritual…. i wish there was something that could be done abt it.
I love Indian weddings and the ceremonies.. My wedding & reception was kust one evening affair. If I had choice I would’ve made it a week long celebration:-)
Hahaha,very true,most of the south indian weddings are elobarative and boring too with too many rituals which atleast we have no idea about,when i got married last may the pandit asked us to watchout arundhati nakshatram and till date my hubby keeps mumbling “how can we see stars at 9am???” and everyone eats except for the bride and bridegroom, and i have been told by atleast 400ppl who came for my wedding that the food served was awesome@#$% now thats what i call mean:( and trust me,the kind of bitching and bickering that goes on between relatives makes it all even more irritating:( h,i can go on and on:)
It all sounds so familiar. Imagine a collage of Bollywood wedding scenes. Good stuff as always.
This was hilarious…and rang so true!
Btw, “What’s with the 2am muhurtham or the auspicious time chosen for the weeding?”
Weeding?? Freudian slip, that?
And how do you know about the carelessly left ajar window?? Chee-chee!!
Nee
ROTFL…good post.
“weeding”?….
Homer Simpsons quote comes to mind.
“Now what is a wedding? Well, Webster’s dictionary describes a wedding as the process of removing weeds from one’s garden”…l o l
Ravi
Ha ha ha!! very funny.. one point i completely empathise with.. NEVER have the planets given a muhurtham that is like , 1100 hours. it will be 04:34:22 exactly, but NEVER 11:32:00 exactly. Your post just solved that mystery!
Hey TDNA! Welcome back from India! I guess you’ve been back for for sometime now though, right?
Good post. I do enjoy weddings - lots of food, lots of gossiping, catching up with people. Love it! Though I guess it’s not so much fun for the bride and the groom! I guess I had it easy because we had an Arya Samaj priest and the ceremony though in Sanskrit, was explained by the priest every step of the way. Made it really beautiful, I thought!
Bonus points for food in the mouth? ech! I HAVE seen some really gross pictures of wedding feasts though.
Good post, as always.
Hi,
I found your blog via google by accident and have to admit that youve a really interesting blog
Just saved your feed in my reader, have a nice day
My dad categorically refused to attend his eldest-born’s wedding if the muhurtam was anytime before 9 am. Needless to say, the pundit did some rapid recalculations and came up with a 9.30-10.00 am muhurtham. Peace reigned…until the wedding day when it quickly collapsed to utter chaos!!! ahhh….those fun times:)
Fun read as usual, guess your india trip was eventful, huh?:)
i know about the old man- i think he was in all my functions- also telling me about the way to sit and the way to do namskaram
very witty as usual
i’ve attended 2 south indian weddings - and i’m still waking up from the early morning rituals!! fun post as usual
Aimless or not, seems like you had a lot of fun. Glad to know you kept yourself amused.
the photographer usually blocks everyone’s view of the stage too!!
long time no see
Asha:
They really starve the bride and groom, don’t they!
they forgot to feed us on time too!
He he he. I don’t think they forgot
Sakshi:
Somehow she thought my logic was flawed.
LOL. ya, the logic seems so perfect
see in old days when it took 4 days
That is a good theory! Didn’t think of that before
mazhalai:
Thanks for stopping by!
@:
But amazingly they manage without getting in each others’ way
With due respect to your post
It’s ok. I won’t mind even if you say it without due respect
.and what about the vdo guy?
I am not sure who gets presidence over ther other
large portions focussed on a cute looking female
Haha. There is a telugu movie with this theme
Karen:
I am trying hard here to not have a video camera guy the wedding
Yeah right.. like your family is going to miss seeing you in all the special effects that guto put in!
one headache ( the realtives)
Not to freak you out or anything but the moment you get married, teh relatives will double
OrangeJammies:
I LOVE your aimless blabbering!
We are just mutial admiration society, aren’t we
Ashwin:
Thanks for your compliments!
Hi! I noticed that you actually went through the whole blog. Hats off to your patience
La Vida Loca:
there is that one asshole who complains about the quality food
Ya! I don’t know how everybody expects that everybody’s palate is pleased!
the women that size up
I thought that’s what pretty much every woman does at the wedding
La Vida Loca:
there is that one asshole who complains about the quality food
Ya! I don’t know how everybody expects that everybody’s palate is pleased!
the women that size up
I thought that’s what pretty much every woman does at the wedding
wedding is fun for everyone except the couple getting married and their familie
That is so ture! They don’t even get to eat in most weddings
Isha Reddy:
Hey! Haven’t visited your blog in a while.. haven’t even found to reply to my comments until now
Will catch up with you soon
Something to Say:
i think the groom going to kashi is the awesome-est part
What’s more funny are the jokes at that event… every joke is a repeat
To me it is next best to “talambralu” - bride and groom pouring rice on each others’ head
fun post as usual
Thanks so much!
lalitha:
gal wears little jewellery
I forgot to mention about those people who wear so much jewellery that they look like some godess from the movies
Some people wear more jeewllery than the bride herself!
SQT:
add a bufuddled groom who pretty much just went where he was told and tried not to mess anything up.
That’s pretty much every groom in an Indian wedding
We are all cofused and completely clueless and we don’t understand the language either
The wedding was gorgeous though.
That is true. Most Indian weddings are very colorful!
hkarthi:
it looks like some zombie horror movie
Haha. That is true
just waiting for the ceremony to get over so that they could get back to their sleep
Especially the bride and groom
They generally look tired and confused by the time the ceremony ends
NZ:
you haven’t attended any North Indian or marwari weddings
I heard North Indian weddings are typically more fun, but never attended one myself. Is it true that some of them involve “bhang”? If so I definitely want to be there.. I can try two new things with one shot
I was starving by the time our muhurat finally arrived
I guess bride and groom are put through all kinds of hardships… probably to give a taste of what’s coming in the future
rads:
I think midnight/early morning weddings rock.
Mid-night wedding is somewhat fun. But what is not fun is taking care of a 2 year old the next day who had a good night’s sleep and wants to play with dad who hasn’t slept in 36 hours
You seem to have had a lot of fun!
If that’s what the post conveys, I am not communicating well
Just kidding.. I actually did have a lot of fun
freespirit:
Every south indian ( read tam brahm ) wedding
I haven’t been to any Tam Bram weddings but been to enough boring weddings to know how boring a wedding can get. I wish to go to at least on Tam Bram wedding… I heard girls are really pretty
little group gossipping about the unmarried girls in view
You are just cribbing because they are trying to match you up?
Pallavi:
Its so much fun to watch the traditions changing over period of time
You are right.. I didn’t touch on that subject either. To me, the lengths people go to to show their innovation and creativity in the ceremoy is outright hilarious. For example, in South Indian Weddings at the end bride and groom pour rice on each others’ heads. These days they are mixing confetti in the rice to make it glitter and so on. It’s funy to see the emulsion of tradition and modernism.
Rathna:
Thanks for stopping by! Glad you enjoyed it
Mosilager:
Hey Ranjit.. That is absolutely hilarious! You should post it in more detail… I am sure it makes a wonderful post. It is so true… they ask you “Who am I” and wait for your answer with that amused smile. Kind of irritating. I have been through so many of these pop-quizzes
Keshi:
Even the partners, huh?
Ya, these days anything is possible I guess
Lera:
you do really have a twisted sense of Humour
That is a very generous compliment
Thank you very much 
will start checking on open windows for sure
I bet you, in 90% cases, you will find some opne window
dram@ Diva:
ewwwww. that’s gross!!
Ya, it is. That is why I would never understand why people take pictures when people are eating
pria:
When you see people wearing windows
Haha. It is true… these days people are obviating the need to look through windows, there by denying umpteen preteens of the simple pleasures of lifes such as looking through the cracks of windows!
my guy swallowed good food in a banana leaf without his parents knowledge
Good for him! You should’ve done the same.
You know, reading your blog, I never thought you were married. You might want to make that clear on your blog before too many young people lose their hearts
Has to be me:
And BTW how was ur wedding?
Oh my wedding was a long story. Think of a good melodramatic Telugu or Tamil movie. It’s pretty much a re-enactment in real life
Life Lover:
There are atleast 4 full pages devoted to people ‘enjoying’ their food
Ya… for some reason people think these are memories to cherish - people stuffing their faces with food!
the photographer has strict instruction to NOT taking any of my
LOL. You know what to do to ensure that, right? Flirt with the photographer
lalitha:
I love Indian weddings
I have a love-hate relationship with them
the mad momma:
you are so jobless
Yes you are right. (Rule #10 for surviving in life: Always agree with a pregnant lady)
the most zombie like manner
What is happening these days is, they have the reception the night before and continue into the wedding without sleep. You can see that the bride and groom are falling over each other half way through the wedding… not exactly with love
i wish there was something that could be done abt it.
There is a danger in that too. One of my NRI friends asked the preist to explain the ceremony in English. THeway he explained, the ceremony took 4 times longer and was still as clueless
mommyof2:
If I had choice I wouldve made it a week long celebration
You better check with your husband what his preference of the duration would be
If I had a choice I wouldn’t have had a wedding.. Er.. Ahem.. I mean, I wouldn’t opted for no ceremny at all is what I mean to say 
alapana.s:
keeps mumbling “how can we see stars at 9am???
I think the purpose of the Arundhati ritual was not actually to see the stars but to provide practice to say “yes dear” to everything
the kind of bitching and bickering that goes on between relatives
This is the saddest part. Even in such happy and wonderful occasion, people find something to mud-sling about!
Alan:
Imagine a collage of Bollywood wedding scenes
Yes, then take out the dancing, pretty girls. Replace all people with zombies.. there you have the picture
Nee:
Weeding?? Freudian slip, that?
Of course not! I am a Jungian, how can I have a Freudian slip?
And how do you know about the carelessly left ajar window??
I always believe in the saying when God closes a door, he leaves a window open
Ravi:
I promise I was not thinkng about weed when I wrote the post
How Do we know:
Ya, as I said, we need to take a hint from it
Vani:
lots of food
Yep, for me that’s the best part of the wedding
lots of gossiping
Gossiping is inevitable. Unfortunately, it’s mostly bad gossiping then good gossiping
Made it really beautiful
Wow, isn’t that nice! Not many people are as lucky as you
Florian:
Thank you
magicrna:
My dad categorically refused to attend his eldest-born’s wedding
He is my new hero! If more people are like him, planets will align themselves
to utter chaos!!! ahhh….those fun times
Haha. That is true. When we look back, we realize even chaos leaves fond memories!
artnavy:
Ya! Those people! What bothers me more is that, they don’t say things as if they are genuinely helping you. They say it as if they have a higher Moral authority!
shilpa:
i’ve attended 2 south indian weddings
I attended no North Indian weddings. I am couting on yours
Shreemoyee:
Glad to know you kept yourself amused
Yes, replete with a smirk on my face!
Welcome back!
itchingtowrite:
the photographer usually blocks everyone’s view of the stage too!!
Ya, half the audience see only the backside of the photographer most of the wedding
long time no see
It’s been crazy at work these days!
Ya
Luved the blog.. was awesome. My wedding was so long, i pulled out my earfones n listened to some rnb. True story, my inlaws havn’t tlk to me fo a while. The wedding singers provided by the local parish was horrible. I forbid them to sing in their showers (p.s i sing in the shower). So i decided to grab the ipod of my loving brother (p.s he is plotting to kill me for my Toyota supra) during the sari changes (OMG i lost count of sari changes). The music blocked out the bitching of family members and distracted me from aunty beauty parade. Have u guyz noticed that aunty’s and totally uninvited females guests always try to look better than the bride. GODDD we had enough jewellery n silk sari’s to buy the kohinoor diamond from the british musuem. I truly luv the indian culture n i am proud indian, but i hated the church service. I can remember my mentally disturbed n challenged brother referring the wedding as an indian holocaust.. Mind u he had a point… the silk sari’s were creating radiation exposure in the poorly insulated church. In physics we call this Black Body Radiation. So ppl preparing to get married .. be wary of silk sari’s, leave behind retarted sibilings, and most importantly divide the church/temple/hall/mosque into sections, so that u cant hear the annoying bitching of family members.
DNA: What else I can ask for or say huh… You made my day and thank yu….
Thanks for the compliment and the suggestion TD. Will get on it and let you know.
Very true…
I was off a week’s vacation to attend a wedding
Same throughts…
Oh… so you migrated to WordPress? Was hunting around for your blog for some time and now came here from your Orkut profile.
Anyway, the post is hilarious as usual
But one wonders, how come you describe the older woman guarding the changing room in such detail? Did you happen to cross her path too many times? 
Hilarious!!
My first time at your blog. Loved this post totally. I am inspired to pen down my marriage story which is nothing short of a mega serial complete with suspense/ thrilling moments, heart wretching scenes and a separate comedy track. Keep up your good work.
Funny!
Not to forget the “Gift Accountant”. Person sits next to the bride and the groom at the time of the “Asirvadams” with a book in hand and writes down the amounts being bestowed as gifts.
Bang on!
:)
Oh ! how I love those weddings lol
Oh and the photographers also compete to capture every posterior loving clad in silk- bonus points for posteriors with the bride or groom somewhere behind them.
I am so glad I ran across this blog today. This made my day. =)
But you’re kidding me, right? Two days maximum? I would say that’s the minimum for Desi weddings (not just South)! And the weddings are jam-packed with drama (worst part). All the aunties are going on about who’s wearing what, who’s repeating an outfit, what’s been going on at who’s house, who had a kid, who didn’t, how the food is (food is probably given the most emphasis at Indian weddings), etc..
And all of this.. doesn’t include the reception.