Traffic guidelines
Published January 7th, 2007I don’t remember ever seeing a Traffic Rules book in India. That might partly explain the traffic in India. People seem to be making up their own rules as they go. Here is my humble attempt to reverse engineer the traffic rules from what I observed:
- You can drive anywhere on the road. Some people prefer to drive on the left side. Don’t pay any attention to the decorative white line in the middle of the road.
- When you are completely stuck in a traffic jam and there is no chance to move even an inch, it is mandatory to blare your horn
- When you use the head-lights, it is absolutely forbidden to use the low beam
- Stopping or slowing down at red lights is appreciated
- It is a felony to be caught driving a motorbike without a mobile phone glued to your hand and ear
- When you collide with a motorist or pedestrian, it is customary to exchange profanities
- Pedestrians and cows have the right of way
- When the gate is closed at a railroad crossing, all vehicles that cannot pass under the gate must stop. If you can bend, crawl or roll yourself and your vehicle under the gate, you can continue without stopping
- Turning on the hazard lights (both indicators blinking) means you are going straight and not about to turn (I swear this is true)
- When driving on deserted village roads, look straight ahead not sideways. Please respect the privacy of street side defecators.
74 Responses to “Traffic guidelines”
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Funny stuff as always. Good to see you back. Writing in a hurry to be Commentator No. 1
LOL.
Nice job showing off your php skills too.
haha.. thats hilarious! yeah i do agree with u that ppl have to compromise with cows… afterall they too are pedestrians… maybe we shld term them as cowtrians… more appropriate
This place looks fabulous..
but….but…. i really thought (rather KNEW) turning both lights on means going straight :S
nice stuff here! looks nice and good job showing off your PHP skills. heehee
Hilarious as usual and so true.I wonder if anyone will follow the traffic rules ever.Good to see you back and in your new home.
LOL!……
I learnt the hazard light rule the hard way
he he that is so true!!! Since I dont drive…I always used to wonder why the drivers used to e so hasled….its only after i came back from the US that unessary blaring of the horn started bothering me!
was blog-hopping when i came across your blog. And have now come here and will be a regular visitor from now on. Great going
It’s quite common in India. I too felt the same when I returned from US. It will definitely take years to change.
Congrats TD on your new cyber-home. As usual another LOL post. Keep entertaining.
Hi… great to see you back… we both wanted to call you up when in India.. but could not due to mad rush at the last hour…
So, you back ??? The new site is cool and it is soo true about your control thing.. this is a lot better, blogger is user-friendly too but there are a few limitations.
Catch you more often at your new cyberhome.
Welcome back twisted! And this new space of yours looks good too. is this the first in the series of India inspired stories?
Traffic rules in India? Didnt know they existed. And who am i to say? i went to a driving school for 11 lessons - got my driving license without a test - and still dont know how to drive!
Bharat mata ki jai!
Hello, there! good to see you back..still in India?
Thanks for the guidebook, will pass it to every cousin who attempts a driver’s test…wait! what am I thinking, you don’t need a test to get a license!
Welcome back TD. Btw, you have been tagged.
Welcome back:-)
and watch for the incoming traffic on ur side even on the 2 way road:-O scary..
welcome back! as always, you can make me lol. we should appreciate the driving “skills” of people here, maybe…
:-)
Land of a billion , what else did you expect?? and also good ole India wouldn’t feel like home if it were any different, right
Welcome back and love the changes!I have driven in India for nearly 7 years and all these rules did sound so familiar:)I had to unlearn a whole lot of those unsaid rules when I started driving here in the west.I however was not aware that if you put on the hazard lights meant you are about to go straight!that was a new one:)You forgot another most important one,the rickshaw drivers own the road,they have the right of way above everyone else!
Will look forward to the tales of the trip:)I’m sure you had a amazing time!
WB Dna! I missed ya so very much. WOW nice to have u bakk…real nice! I know u had a blast in India
Very funny post as usual. This is what I missed…reading ur very witty mind
Indian roads and traffic seem alot like Sri Lankan roads and traffic ROFL! I rem I was nearly killed at a pedestrian crossing trying to get to the other side. It’s that hideous! Drivesr use the roads as if it’s their garden.
**Some people prefer to drive on the left side
Hey u Americans we drive on the left here in Aus okk LOL!
**Turning on the hazard lights (both indicators blinking) means you are going straight and not about to turn (I swear this is true)
HAHAHAHA! I swear I will never drive in India.
ty for this post and great to have u in blogville. HUGGGGGGGZ!
Keshi.
Traffic rules and followers hmmm what else you can expect in a populated country like India. If you follow the light, an animal will follow you too.. in different directions which can make you drive like a beginner.
A 07 blast as usual:-))
Very nice digs I must say. Hope you plan to post more frequently now.
As to the last point, it happens not just on deserted village roads but on the bustling roads running through Dharavi as well…
and i believe your wife!! and this indeed is cool!
and true take on the traffic at home!
LOL. Made em remember the panic attack I had last time I went home and was given the car keys. A stick in a traffic that has no rules..It actually made up for a hilarious 10 min at the most busy intersection in my town . suffice to say I quickly handed the car over to more experienced drivers.
Your PHP skills are worth showing off
i just realised that clicking on ur “id” in my comments takes me back to ur old page.. then i had to take the trouble to jog up my memory of ur new page… just when it hit me.. ur old page had the link to this page.. aah .. what an ardous process.. the things i do for you twisted!
PS: my mom chucked my stilettos straight at me from across the room and possibly could have gouged one of my eyes out of the socket..
as is obvious.. i have a love hate relationship wid the concept of my mom
I AGREE …BUT DRIVING IN INDIA IS A PLEASURE..Somehow despite all those rules i still love it and miss it..
Godd to see you back.
Heheheh I noticed them too. Also I’d like to add- when waiting on the traffic lights blare horn. Also sound horn the nano second after the lights change
about driving in india..wat a someone had to say was…”We dont drive on the left of the road but on whatevers left of the road..” seems right doesnt it
T-DNA,
You missed the most important aspect - parking. But then again, one could argue that “parking” is a topic that requires a whole post dedicated to it. No?
Good to see you back.
Cheers!
BTW, love the new outfit…
Just so u know i was here…. all the others have already commented what i want to say
Good one yar , Think u observe a lot on the roads …. Some funny art would have added much more flavour to the post
I couldn’t agree with you more …. just learnt driving in India last year (to get an Indian DL)… and I was swearing all the time … I even blasted off the driving instructor :-S
The red light signal is for you to blow your horn at. Therefore, when you encounter one, you will stop and blow your horn loudly.
Here are the traffic rules followers….
http://firstcitydelhi.blogspot.com/2007/01/drivin-me-wild-cliches-with-reason.html
:)
Hi Dude,
It was refreshing! Likeed it..here are few more that i could make up..
1. When you have to stop behind a vehicle on the road, leave bare minimum space, just enough for kids to pass through. You must strictly follow this; else the adjoining smaller vehicles may use their right of way to sneak in the space in front of you causing traffic jams.
2. While diving on a two way street, you may occasionally pull over on the street to have a quick chat with the driver of the vehicle coming from opposite direction. While you are chatting, other vehicles stuck behind you may use their right to honk
3. On a 4 way crossing, it is mandatory that all vehicles should slowly move in their intended direction (straight or left or right turn) simultaneously. The fastest and the quickest vehicle would have the right of way
cheers!!!
wow!! Just the kind of post one was thirsting for!
GREAT to see u back, and if u know anyone who could help make a website look nice, pls to let me know. My Esha website needs some TLC rightaaway!
yay! you are back!! with all these people around also, i miss driving in india, mazaa aata tha
Okay i’m busted it’s me.
Hahaha! Couldn’t agree with you more…I was horrfied in the beginning but couldn’t stop getting amused that honking is more of a ritual immaterial of need or justification. Lanes on highway (or any road) were for decorative purpose rather than functional…
It is also required that you make sudden sharp turns without any indication, and carry on completely oblivious to the pile up behind you
They say you need to have a sixth sense to drive in India.
LOl as usual well resched one. hope more are to come. few u cud add-
the slowest vehicle uses the fast lane
in hyderabad, auto wallahs use the leg instead of hand for indicator and if they change their mind, the make an imajinary “x” sign in the air with their fingers
check my post hateful characters on the road.
http://itchingtowriteblogs.blogspot.com/2006_11_01_archive.html
Couldnt have done better!
Here’s my 2 cents worth
>> Watch out for gymnastics by cyclists.They signal right and left with their heads.
>> Free autos waiting to get customers have the right to drive in the pace of bullock carts or park in the middle of any road.
>> Dont be surprised to find motorcyclists driving in the opposite direction in your lane. Keep your reflexes well tuned for such “i-was-driving-in-america” motorcyclists on the highway.
Read all your previous posts! was a wonderful read.. keep posting
hey! forgot to add that i added you to my blogroll and put in your new link
lol! i’ve been meaning to do a post on this for the longest time…….now i’m glad I didn’t…because you did a better job of it than i ever could….lol!!! glad to have you back in the blogosphere, TD….you were sorely missed!
Alan:
Good to see you back.
Good to see you too!
The_Girl_From_Ipanema:
Nice job showing off your php skills too.
He he he. It’s too obvious that I am trying to show off, huh
lalitha:
cowtrians…
Lol. We could write a whole post about these newly cointed names, can’t we
Isha:
This place looks fabulous..
Thank you!
i just realised that clicking on ur “id” in my comments takes me back to ur old page..
Ya, I have to use my blogger ID to post on your blog. The hoops I jump to comment on your blog
what an ardous process..
I will try to make it worth your while
my mom chucked my stilettos straight at me from across the room
Somebody who doesn’t know you might have sympathisized. BUt I would ask, what did you do to make her so mad?
Sneha:
but….but…. i really thought (rather KNEW) turning both lights on means going straight :S
Really! The driver who was driving us around dutifully does that every time we pass an intersection. He explained to me this secret. When I told him they are hazard lights, he thought I was crazy
good job showing off your PHP skills. heehee
I was not trying to *wink*
lalitha:
That’s why I callem them Traffic “Guidelines” 
I wonder if anyone will follow the traffic rules ever.
Well, there really are no rules in India
Good to see you back and in your new home.
Thank you
neihal:
I learnt the hazard light rule the hard way
Ha ha ha. That would be a nice story to write about
chandni:
its only after i came back from the US that unessary blaring of the horn started bothering me!
Hoking drove me nuts on my first trip to India. I was not prepared for it. I got pretty mad the rudeness of the other drivers… I got used to it slowly
nobody’s devil:
And have now come here and will be a regular visitor from now on
I am very glad you found it interesting. Thank you for Blogrolling me! I really like your profile pic
Kalpana:
It will definitely take years to change.
Looks like you have some hope, huh
Bishu:
That’s my passion and I will try my best.
Keep entertaining.
Tha’s the best thing anyone said to me recently
Sushma:
So, you back ???
Yes, in one piece
blogger is user-friendly too but there are a few limitations.
There are advantages and disadvantages of maintaining your own site. Since I am a software guy, not being able to tweak the code bothered me a lot
Catch you more often at your new cyberhome.
Will keep in touch, now that I have you on Orkut
Something to Say:
is this the first in the series of India inspired stories?
I have enough stories to write a book. But I am worried that people will kill me if I start talking too much about the trip
got my driving license without a test - and still dont know how to drive!
Same here.. and I didn’t even go to a driving class. It’s a funny story. I went to get my 2-wheeler license. The officer was such a nice guy, he asked me “Do you know how to drive a car.” I said yes. And he gave me the 4-wheeler too
Bharat mata ki jai!
jai.
@:
..still in India?
Nope, in the US in flesh and blood.
wait! what am I thinking, you don’t need a test to get a license!
Lol. Ya, that’s half of the problem in India!
Anu:
Btw, you have been tagged.
Will get right to it.
mommyof2:
watch for the incoming traffic on ur side even on the 2 way road:-O scary..
Ya, it seems to be OK to drive on the wrong side for short distances. That is a very scary sight.. scarier to be in the car that’s going the wrong direction
si:
Made my day.
you can make me lol.
Thank you
we should appreciate the driving “skills” of people here, maybe…
In India it takes more than skill to drive, it takes intuition and sixth sense
rads:
:-)
Glad to see your nice and smiley… sore throat all gone
orchid:
Land of a billion
lol. Good way to put it
and also good ole India wouldn’t feel like home if it were any different, right
Ya, I can’t imagine an India where people drive normally. We will probably miss it
Fuzzylogic:
I am glad for their advice.
I had to unlearn a whole lot of those unsaid rules
I never drove in India. Just before I came to the US I wanted to learn driving, my friends told me not to do that
I however was not aware that if you put on the hazard lights meant you are about to go straight!
Took me by surprise too. I was not aware until the drive explained to me with a “do you really own a car in the US” look on his face.
rickshaw drivers own the road,they have the right of way above everyone else!
True. They have right, left and center of the way!
Keshi:
I missed ya so very much.
The feeling is mutual
Very funny post as usual.
Thank you. I can count on you for encouragement.
Indian roads and traffic seem alot like Sri Lankan
Never been to Sri Lanka but I can imagine the traffic would be the same.
was nearly killed at a pedestrian crossing
That’s your problem. You are trying to follow the rules by crossing at a pedestrain crossing.. you need to cross in the middle of a busy road
Drivesr use the roads as if it’s their garden.
LOL.
Hey u Americans we drive on the left here in Aus
Really? I thought India and England are the only countries where people drive on the left. Aus is a part of the madness too, huh!
HAHAHAHA! I swear I will never drive in India.
We will be physically incapable of driving there
pria:
an animal will follow you too..
LOL
in different directions which can make you drive like a beginner.
I thought everybody drives like a beginner in India
A 07 blast as usual:-))
Thanks so much!
Rohini:
nice digs I must say. Hope you plan to post more frequently now.
Thank you! Yes, I hope to
it happens not just on deserted village roads but on the bustling roads running through Dharavi as well…
Actually, it used to happen in the town I came from too! But I didn’t see it in the recent times so I assumed all towns and cities got rid of this problem.
neers:
and i believe your wife!!
For some reason she commands more trust than I do, even in real life
and this indeed is cool!
Thank you!
Sakshi:
was given the car keys.
That’s nice of whoever gave you the keys. My dad refused to even let me take the bicycle out
It actually made up for a hilarious 10 min at the most busy intersection in my town
That’s the good thing about India. You can practice your driving skills in busy intercetions and no major accidents would happen
Your PHP skills are worth showing off
He he he. Thank you thank you!
DIVYA:
I AGREE …BUT DRIVING IN INDIA IS A PLEASURE
It is!? Do you live in a place there is nobody on the roads?
Nice to see you here
La Vida Loca:
Also I’d like to add- when waiting on the traffic lights blare horn. Also sound horn the nano second after the lights change
He he he. That’s a good one. Ya, people seem to be just holding the horn down whenever they stop!
Di:
”We dont drive on the left of the road but on whatevers left of the road..”
ROFL. Took me a second to understand…. quite true!
Mythili:
parking.
All roads are looking like parking lots anyway. But you are right… parking become so difficult these days. You have to go a mile to from where you want to go to to find parking!
BTW, love the new outfit…
So I am on WordPress too now 
Thank you
artnavy:
Aren’t we each others’ fans 
Just so u know i was here…
I know you will be here
krishna chaitanya:
Good one yar ,
Thanks for stopping by!
Some funny art would have added much more flavour to the post
You are right. Unfortunately, I didn’t take any pictures of traffic back in India. It would’ve been nice if I did!
Loon Gal:
I was swearing all the time
Isn’t that a requirement to get a DL?
I even blasted off the driving instructor :-S
ROFL!
Iz:
The red light signal is for you to blow your horn at.
Ya, I found that too. Nobody has any clue why they are blaring the horn though!
jolt:
Nice link!
Kartik:
few more that i could make up..
You are awesome! You said it better than me.. you should post them!
else the adjoining smaller vehicles may use their right of way to sneak in the space
This is so true! All they need is an inch to squeeze themselves in!
How Do we know:
What exactly are you looking for anyway?
u know anyone who could help make a website look nice,
I can try but these days I am so swamped
some TLC rightaaway!
What is TLC?
Life Lover:
with all these people around also, i miss driving in india, mazaa aata tha
I am glad I was not in the same city you drove in
hey! forgot to add that i added you to my blogroll and put in your new link
Thank you. Good, I don’t have to come to your office, sit next to you and make you do it
saby:
Okay i’m busted it’s me.
busted?
Pallavi:
honking is more of a ritual immaterial of need
So true. Ritualistic honking LOL.
Lanes on highway (or any road) were for decorative purpose rather than functional…
He he. Ya. They should stop painting lines and draw some art instead, since they are decorative anyway
Agony Aunt:
It is also required that you make sudden sharp turns without any indication
Haha. I didn’t think of that. It’s amazing how many people do that!
They say you need to have a sixth sense to drive in India.
LOL. Sounds true though!
itchingtowrite:
the slowest vehicle uses the fast lane
That looks universally true
auto wallahs use the leg instead of hand for indicator
ROFL! I never saw that but just imagining it is so funny!
check my post hateful characters on the road.
Yep, I read it when you posted it
prithz:
cyclists.They signal right and left with their heads.
Ha haha. That is true! As if you are supposed to keenly watch their head movements to figure out where they are going!
“i-was-driving-in-america” motorcyclists on the highway.
ROFL
Read all your previous posts! was a wonderful read.. keep posting
Thank you so much. I warn you that this kind of encouragement generates more posts!
OrangeJammies:
i’ve been meaning to do a post on this for the longest time…
Come on come on… do it. You can definitely do better.. or at least equally good with differnt spin
you were sorely missed!
I missed reading your blog too… I haven’t been able to catch up on your so far
c’mon, c’mon…TD….get crackin’…OrangeJammies needs your expert comments to entertain her while she hacks and wheezes like a steam engine!
ooo lala new home n all..nice!
**you need to cross in the middle of a busy road
LOL hahahaha!
yes Aussies follow the Brit rules…rem Aussies r originally from there
Keshi.
a new year, new beginning, new templete. lurve it!!
WB! Hmmm so the last 2 posts sum up ur holiday in India eh?! Cool!
BTW have u tried driving / using the roads after a shower of rain?! that wud be the icing of the cake!
Pretty much a hilarious adventure out on Indian Roads.Frequent encounters of Indian road rage scenarios ,chatting over the mobile phone while driving, lane violations ,overtaking, over speeding and signal jumping is all there to make one of a kind driving experience for all those who drive in India.
I bet you’ve had some memorable experiences with the Indian Road sense
to have come up with this amusing Traffic post he he. Happy New Year T-DNA,to you and your family & happy weekend 
There’s also one more traffic rule you’ll find in India that you wont find anywhere. When driving behind an eliphant, don’t honk at it or it’ll sit on you.
Twistie,
Having just returned back too, completely empathize. It feels like the traffic has quadrupled in the last 2 years. I wonder if there is any hope for Indian roads? The first 2 weeks of my stay, my heartbeat doubled everytime I was on the road. The second half of my stay, I got aclimatized and learnt to go with the flow.
Great post and humor! Enjoyed your other posts as well.
Welcome back TDNA and Congrats for your new site
Very entertaining post. I was in India (two years back) for a whole year and just as I was starting to get used to the ‘traffic guidlines’, I had to come back - never dared even attempting driving there !!
Hey TD! Seems like your Indian holiday was a lot more fun than mine!
That’s hilarious. Great new site! My husband and I always recall - with some laughter and some terror - the ordeal of crossing the street in Bangalore last year. It had to be done everyday to get to Gandhi Bazaar and buy food, clothes, whatever, but every time it was just as terrifying.
Very good thoughts..:-)Really impressive and shows truth of road traffic in India. Few months back i joined a online community i.e. www.easydriveforum.com, here you can also present ur views on Indian road traffic. in last I want to appreciate ur words again.
hahaha….awesome!!
The sad state of indian traffic system so beautifully put!
//Turning on the hazard lights (both indicators blinking) means you are going straight and not about to turn (I swear this is true)//
yes, yes that is 100% true! I always wonder what the heck are they thinking.
REally funny one this!
Will try to read all ur previous posts.
nda,
1. good to see you back!
2. If you promise not to laugh: I was notorious for “cancelling” out turn indicators - i.e. when I was on a 2 wheeler (bicycle or kinetic), I’d stick my arm out to indicate I’m turning (yes, despite the actual indicator - they’re no use)….and then when I realized that wasn’t where I meant to turn, I’d happily draw a cross at the same level in the air, thus nullifying the turn
(You promised you wouldn’t laugh)
3. I think Indians can take the credit for inventing the smallest unit of time - semi-demi-hemi-nano-second? It’s the time between the traffic light turning green and the guy behind you honking like you just didn’t see it!
Take care…
g
hey !
thanx for stopping by …
Don’t even get me started on traffic rules & the wap ppl dirty the streets !!
they just tarred our road , and the next we see is some houses dropping their filthy garbage on the newly tarred road
Glad to see you back, you’ve been sorely missed!
Hilarious post, you never skip a beat. And I’m sorry, but if I see a streetside defecator, I’m pulling the heck over and taking a picture, for my blog.
finally i found your site, was searching ur name past 2 days.
simply hilarious!!! awesome
Nice Quailty Information I was out looking for some storage solutions and I came upon Your blog thanks for some good reading
hilarious stuff. You forgot to mention “It is mandatory for pedestrians using the sidewalks to give way for vehicles, whenever the need comes up”, oh and “Roads in India, nowadays, are only meant for socializing. So it is perfectly normal and ok to stop your vehicle in the middle of the road, during peak traffic hours, and make small talk and catch up with a friend of yours, possibly on another vehicle.”