My friend and his opinion of a wife
Published November 7th, 2006A few things are learned the hard way. I have circumstantial evidence that one of my friends did just that. I was tempted to say “I told you so” to him, but being a gentleman, I didn’t. I will just write a blog post about it.
Couple of years ago, this friend of mine (henceforth known as X), embarked on a voyage countless Indian-Americans embarked on before. A month long expedition in India to find a bride and marital bliss. Before he set sail, he called me one day. Anybody who grew up in India, or watched B-grade Bollywood movies, knows about the much hyped “First Night.” (If you don’t know what it is, it is the night a married couple, even they know each other only for a few days, consummate their day old marriage) Like many a young man, he too was nervous about it.
X: What do I do on that day?
Me: Dude, you hold the record for watching every porn movie ever made. Things should be clear to you by now?
X: No, my question is do people go all the way on the first night itself?
Me: I could check the census records but I don’t think they collect that data. But what does it matter to you what people do. Do what you feel is right.
X: Do you think she would be comfortable with it?
Me: That is an excellent question to ask her.
X: What if she is too shy to say?
Me: If she is too shy to talk about it, you should probably stop at the question.
X: But what if she doesn’t want me to ask questions and look like I don’t know what I am doing? I think women like their men to be manly. Take charge. Decide things for them.
Should I let him live in this happy bubble for some more time or burst it now?
Me: I believe most women like to be treated with respect. They would like their opinion to matter. They may want you to take charge and lead the way in matters such as taking the car out for servicing, but in just about everything else, they want to be a part of the decision making process.
X: You are Americanized. Indian women are not like that. They respect the husband. They want the man to be in control. They don’t like sissies who can’t make up their minds. Take my word for it, I am going all the way that night.
He is convinced that husband should rule with an iron fist. In his mind the picture is probably somewhat like:
Wife: Why should we always go to your favorite restaurant, can’t we eat Italian today?
Husband: We are going to Hooters, bitch. Now get in the car.
It’s difficult to argue if both of us are going by their opinions, not facts or statistics. I didn’t let the argument continue. X went to India. Got married. Got back with his lovely wife on the scheduled date, like clock work. I didn’t ask him what happened on the first night.
Recently, another friend of mine, Y, was getting married. X and I called Y together to congratulate him. I gave my usual marriage advice to Y, such as “Don’t get married.” etc. X was silent until Y asked him if X had any advice for him. X said flatly, “Don’t expect much action on the first night.”
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Amusing post as always. Liked the happy bubble line.
haha…. i suspect that probably X’s wife is not the typical lady who would just listens to watever a husband says….anyway, i firmly believe that in a marriage both parties have their fair share of decision makings and not just dominate over another…. and i guess we shld banish all those indian movies that depict women being submissive to men comletely with little or no decision making processing in their mind independently… its sad that such women still exist today… but beside media, culture and other factors condition such mentality…sigh…
Something bold and nicely written as always.. enjoyed reading it..
Very funny:-))
What do I do on that day?
Lessons learned cannot be discussed huh!!!
Whatever it is, atleast minimal understanding between both is important at the first place.
Yeah, not first night, not first week and not for almost first month;-)
I don’t understand why guys only think of just “one” thing in marriage where girls always want to have better understanding, emotional security & bonding before that “one” thing;-)
Heh.. Typical of a guy to expect action on the first date:P
But seriously what happened to getting to explore all the bases before hitting it out of the park?
See I wanna prove these stereotypes wrong..I don’t want a manly man…cuz I like to be in charge…
I wanna be the one telling his ass to get in the car!! ASAP!!
…
But seriously..I think both parties should have the same level of understanding and respect if they expect to take their relationship anywhere ..
Pity Mr X…cos all his dreams wld’ve been crashed. Kudos to Mrs X for putting him in place!
what a warped attitude!! i hope he’s seen the light now. depending on the task at hand one party just has to relinquish control. and from what i’ve seen of my married male friends, they are usually happy to do that… of course in a very sweet, worship-her-or-i’m-not-getting-any-tonight way
Hilarious! So now we know.
I can’t believe you even had that conversation! Sounds like your friend was stuck in the stone ages and had a rude awakening. Rude awakening for him, HAHAHA for us!
ROFL! I love it!
lol. You cracked me up in the morning. priceless!
Now I know what guys think….still it is soooo stupid getting married without discussing life,expectations and birth control.
Thank God I am getting married to an old friend
ha ha ha!! You had me in stitches!! Wonder what happened to X on his first night - did his wife claw his eyes out? But why? Was it an arranged marriage? Didnt he have any form of contact at all before they got married? I cant imagine any groom not having any action on his wedding night - except if the bride didnt like him. I’m interested in hearing from the horses mouth what really happened. LOL
LOL
I know a friend who actually made up a strategy to be 100% successful (read: go all the way thru) on his first night. Don’t want brickbats for this from the women, but I actually helped him make a plan that worked 
Hey, forgot to say that I really cracked up when I read this!
Wife: Why should we always go to your favorite restaurant, can’t we eat Italian today?
Husband: We are going to Hooters, bitch. Now get in the car.
LOLZ!!
hahahaha good one!
**I gave my usual marriage advice to Y, such as “Don’t get married.” etc
LOL! ur such a crazy dude..I like ya
:)
So X didnt have much action on his first night. Guess one shouldnt have plans…just go with the flow. Thats my tip
hey I got ur comment…Im stoked to bits!! ty n huggggggggggz! U r so very sweet. Now why dun most guys I meet think this way abt me and declare their undying love for me?
Keshi.
I din’t know that guy too have these kinds of conversation.I thought it was girl’s territory.
hahah!
Well well…think every man should read this…!:-)
Actually contrary to what you write, your friend doesnt sound like a dominating person and would probably never abuse his wife the way you write it. He sounded more like wanting to strike a good first impression and not having a clue how to go about it. But guess you are taking a humour license at his expense here.
LOL!!! a lot of men (Indian) think like that right??
well a su said…some learn it the hard way
Seriously, I wonder how men still think that Indian women like to be controlled. I personally like to be respected than controlled. But a vice versa happening to me. It always happens so.Isnt it?
Dash
Alan:
Thanks
my life:
nd i guess we shld banish all those indian movies
Amen to that
its sad that such women still exist today
That is true. There are many many women who have no say whatsoever in the household
Sush:
Welcome back!
priya:
Very funny:-))
Thank you!
Lessons learned cannot be discussed huh!!!
he he he. I guess. My friend probably leaned a valueable lessson but we will never find out
Kalpana:
atleast minimal understanding between both is important at the first place.
In my opinion, minimal understand won’t cut. Plenty of communication and abundant undestanding are essential for a relationship.
mommyof2:
Yeah, not first night, not first week and not for almost first month;-)
LOL! never heard a month
I don’t understand why guys only think of just “one” thing in marriage
I don’t understand the rest of your sentence.
Sakshi:
I guess home run is a good thing when both the pitcher and the batter want a home run. The problem is when the pitcher wants to take it slow and the batter wants to hit a home run.
But seriously what happened to getting to explore all the bases before hitting it out of the park?
One explores the bases only when there is no chance of hitting a home run
Are you sick on the baseball metaphor yet?
Mary Poppins:
I wanna be the one telling his ass to get in the car!! ASAP!!
LOL. I won’t be surprised if you had already done that in the past at some point
But seriously..I think both parties should have the same level of understanding and respect if they expect to take their relationship anywhere ..
I completely agree. It looks like respect is something we don’t pay much attention to these day.
Has to be me:
Pity Mr X…cos all his dreams wld’ve been crashed.
I didn’t pity him much though
Shilpa:
and from what i’ve seen of my married male friends, they are usually happy to do that… of course in a very sweet, worship-her-or-i’m-not-getting-any-tonight way
LOL. You know too much about married men. It is a called tactical maneuvering
M (tread softly upon):
Thank you
video:
I can’t believe you even had that conversation
There are a lot of other conversations I couldn’t believe I had. For some reason a lot of my friends seem to like to ask me for advice. They don’t take it, but they ask anyway.
Jamie:
Thanks
Aashun:
Glad you enjoyed it!
La vida Loca:
it is soooo stupid getting married without discussing life,expectations and birth control.
You just described a majority of Indian marriages. I don’t birth control and children ever come up in the pre-marriage discussions.
Calabar Gal:
ha ha ha!! You had me in stitches!!
Glad you enjoyed it!
Wonder what happened to X on his first night - did his wife claw his eyes out?
He still had eyes, so she didn’t do anything that obvious
But why? Was it an arranged marriage?
It was arranged. X and his wife did meet each other briefly before the marriage and chatted a bit.
I cant imagine any groom not having any action on his wedding night - except if the bride didnt like him.
In my opinion (with all the info I have), it is in fact not very common to make much progress on day one, owing to several reasons. I have a whole thesis on this.
I’m interested in hearing from the horses mouth what really happened. LOL
We will never know his story but I do know some other not so successful experiences. Probably too racy for this blog
Life Lover:
but I actually helped him make a plan that worked
You gotta share it with the world for the betterment of humanity! Or may be you can make a lot of money if you start an advice hot-line.
Hey, forgot to say that I really cracked up when I read this!
Glad you enjoyed it!
Keshi:
:)
LOL! ur such a crazy dude..I like ya
ha ha. Thank you. Glad to hear it.
just go with the flow. Thats my tip
I guess that sums it up. Go with the flow.
hey I got ur comment…Im stoked to bits!!
I meant what I wrote by the way.
I had no idea it could’ve had such effect
sharda:
I din’t know that guy too have these kinds of conversation.I thought it was girl’s territory.
It’s a closely guarded secret that most guys gossip more than they admit
Ekta:
Well well…think every man should read this…!:-)
I don’t think this is new information. Men don’t just accept it that’s all
Shreemoyee:
It’s amazing that you know more about my friend that I do.
chandni:
LOL!!! a lot of men (Indian) think like that right??
Indian men think that way. Most non-Indians hope that way.
Dash:
But a vice versa happening to me. It always happens so.Isnt it?
Sad to know that! From what I know of you, you are not the kind who takes crap from people. How could that happen to you!
lesson to learn: know your spouse well enough before you enter marriagehood, if you cán’t understand the concept of first night….why the hell would you want to “experience’ anything else with him?
politics in the bedroom huh? …lol
Don’t expect much asction the first night??
Means the lady was too shy or did not allow him to go all the way or both of them were too embarrassed to do it that day??
Whatever it is…hate the average middle class Indian mentality about it…trust me on this one..if ma husband tries to force himself on me on our ‘first night’, he should be ready with a pen to sign the divorse papers….
ROTFL…awesome post…u rock man
We are going to Hooters, bitch. Now get in the car.
– ROTFL… too much
heya! thats a good post! funny and light as usual again!
yes sometimes when you look at a picture too closely, you miss the overall. And then there is the mind that interprets it. I am sure you know your friend more that I could, I write from what you say and calling his wife a bitch as you see it, sounds like an extreme. But then this is a humour post, so I assume you are aiming for the laughs.
Nice! You are right about “the women wanting to make a decision about everything” bit but I am still a li’l amused at the reference to this issue in bipartisan terms…c’mon guys stop discussing…if it happens, it happens, what next you’ll take a poll?? Haha!
That’s really funny - but very true.
well thats why I was stoked to bits…u were very genuine and honest. thats the beauty of that comment, so tnxxxxxx!
Keshi.
hehehe…but I kinda feel sorry for BECHARA X
doosron par hasna achhi baat nahi hai !!
poor fellow but then again, serves him right
Darshini:
know your spouse well enough before you enter marriagehood
I don’t think many people in India are lucky enough to know their spouses well before the marriage.
I think the lesson here is, marriage should be based on mutual respect and understanding. If the husband or wife things they can have their way without consulting the other, they will have to learn it the hard way.
Neha:
Means the lady was too shy or did not allow…
We can’t speculate much but the fact is, the guy learned that he can’t make unanimous decisions
he should be ready with a pen to sign the divorse papers….
Man we have some strong women! Bravo.
gils:
Thank you
R.E.B.E.L:
Glad you enjoyed it
indianangel:
funny and light as usual again!
Thank you! You know as much as I do how hard it is to try to write humor. As fellow humor writer, your compliments are quite appreciated
Shreemoyee:
You may have mistook my line ” In his mind the picture is probably somewhat like:” to mean “I vouch that this is what happens everyday in their life.” I was just speculating what he might be thinking.
By the way, it is not to far from truth
(Yes, Hooters)
Orchid:
c’mon guys stop discussing…if it happens, it happens,
The point of the post is not about whether it happens or not. The point is, whether a guy can predict the outcome or even make macho statements such as “I will make it happen.” That’s not a good thing, is it?
what next you’ll take a poll?
Now that is an excellent idea
Swapna:
Ya, husband thinking he is a higher human being then the wife is, sadly, true in many many families
Keshi:
My pleasure
NZ:
doosron par hasna achhi baat nahi hai !!
That’s the livelihood of a host of comedians, some of whom I aspire to. I think as long as it is done in balance and good humor, it should be OK.
artnavy:
he he. Yeah.
You are Americanized. Indian women are not like that. They respect the husband. They want the man to be in control. They don’t like sissies who can’t make up their minds.
*mirthless sadistic laughter*
Nee
lol…i could check the census records!! guys love to discuss this eh??
LOL!!! Which century Indian woman does the neanderthal have in mind??? Send the old drone to me for some lessons in what Indian women want! Or wait, now that he has a wife, he’s probably learning the hard way…pun intended!
You are so funny but your friend is I would say funnier!
I know it was all in good humour ! and I enjoyed reading it too !! you have a good sense of humour and that brings me back to your blog again and again. Everyone can use a good laugh these days !! But I still can’t help feeling sorry for the person at whose expense we laugh. And I totally agree that as long as its balanced, its ok
Have a great day and keep writing:-)
Ewww!! Can’t imagine sleeping with a stranger without knowing them at all.I know it’s Indian thing to do. Still it’s just yuck…
Ewww!! Can’t imagine sleeping with a stranger without knowing them at all.I know it’s Indian thing to do. Still it’s just yuck…
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
To the anon whose comment is just deleted:
You are free to disagree with any of the commentors on this site, as long as you do not use insulting language. Sorry for deleting the comment.
Girl power! i thot there are more “queen controls” on the streets nowadays …..
post is entertaining as usual! but what i also like about you is that you reply to EVERY comment. that’s so special!
I second that( what si said above ). Came back to thank you for visiting my blog and leaving those lovely comments
dude…do guys actually have discussions like this? ROFL!!!
And i thought in today’s world, even in India, most people end up making out before the big day…more like warm up for the big nite. Hmmm….interesting and hilarious! *someone stop me laughing*
Ha ha…
Just curious, what did Y say to X after X gave him that sagely advice??
India - generation next - try before you buy…
Europe - generation next - buy one get one free…
lol! gud one.. im just imagining the guys face wen he said that!!!!!
Nee:
*mirthless sadistic laughter*
Ha ha. That sounds like Nah!
itchingtowrite:
We don’t know if it is because shattered expectations or because the novelty of it wore off
guys love to discuss this eh??
In my experience, all guys discuss before marriage is sex. Once they are married, all that talk suddenly stops
Anonymous:
he’s probably learning the hard way…pun intended!
LOL. Wicked! Your mind works like mine
sinusoidally:
You are so funny but your friend is I would say funnier!
Is it because he had unrealistic expectations or because he is trying to be macho?
NZ:
And I totally agree that as long as its balanced, its ok
That is the problem though. It’s not always easy to be balanced. Also, what balanced to somebody may be a totally unfair in somebody’s else’s view. Essentially trying to do humor is a walking a tight rope. I enjoy doing it though
Came back to thank you for visiting my blog and leaving those lovely comments
That is so nice of you! People don’t even thank me for opening doors these days
Foodie’s Hope:
Ewww!! Can’t imagine sleeping with a stranger without knowing them at all.I know it’s Indian thing to do. Still it’s just yuck…
I think a lot of girls feel that way. But sadly not all girls have a choice in that respect. Marriage is not always fair for Indian women.
Dr@m@ Div@:
Girl power!
Yes, very powerful power!
si:
but what i also like about you is that you reply to EVERY comment. that’s so special!
If people take time to tell me what they feel about the post, replying is the least I can do
freespirit:
They are letting you off the flights these days?
even in India, most people end up making out
They go back to India for a month to get married so I guess not many of them do any hanky panky before wedding.
I guess it’s true. But the NRI gang is missing out on all the fun
How do we know:
Just curious, what did Y say to X after X gave him that sagely advice??
Actually, Y didn’t say anything. He is one of those shy types. Never talks anything about sex etc.
first night:
India - generation next - try before you buy…
Europe - generation next - buy one get one free…
LOL.
USA - try, try, try, try, buy, damn, return, try, try, buy, double damn, return, try, try, try, retire, buy, whatever
Di:
im just imagining the guys face wen he said that!!!!!
I could’ve paid to see his face. Unfortunately he was on the phone
“I don’t think many people in India are lucky enough to know their spouses well before the marriage.”
I agree with you DNA! … I think it’s about time for this age old fallacy to come to an end. You’re getting married to him for christ sake! Educated women of today: YOU are the one marrying…not your mother or father, you should at least feel comfortable sleeping beside him on the “first night”(doesn’t have to lead to anything as such on the first night).
Perhaps read? learn from others’experiences? Do whatever is necessary to understand what “marriage” is. It surprises me how many people are so ignorant/immature to how the instution works….hahah pretty confident call for a girl who’s not even close to getting married? (dam right)
Though contrary to what I just said..I guess you can never understand the intsitution until you, yourself are in the partnership.
Oh well!
at the end of the day….deeply contemplate the reason for marrying…because it’s for lifetime…(well should be)
Darshni
Nice to see a different view - n hillarious write up
most men don’t realise most women r actually afraid of sex - that they need an emotional stability first - ive had friends who contemplated of running away from the wedding just for the vary reason
ps : i guess men stop discussing about sex after marriage as they dont want imaginations running wild?
T-DNA, That’s one helluva opinion & quite a hilarious post ,one thing men are good at, is talking about anything under the sun with enough finesse , that can really get any reader pause for a moment & leave a comment.
Minimal undertanding means the basic thoughts between both to start their life is important. That must match. To talk is most important at first if they completely don’t know each other. Then the rest will follow.
Boys grow up to be boys… nothin else seems to enter their heads…
“I gave my usual marriage advice to Y, such as “Don’t get married.” etc”…. now that is one advice, I really like…
Hahaha…OMG!! can’t stop laughing at that one!!
…straight from the horses mouth, all hark X!!
:D
Visiting again. Caught up with all the posts. Hilarious as always. I know I can have some laughs if I visit your page :–)
That was really funny. I wonder if his opinion of what good Indian girls want has undergone a change too!
good advice!!! I agree with u!:p but why didn’t YOU follow it too?:D
Ya right, husband in charge..that was the last generation mantra….
Good post..glad X’s eyes have opened now..heh heh heh
i posted on the same lines sometimes ago, check this:out.
Heh. Great story/post.
“A few things are learned the hard way”
and hence it gets very difficult to unlearn also at times
Ha ha! That was funny, TDNA!
But it also hits home about male chauvinism and female oppression that is still so common (and is considered “normal”) in India..
That’s hilarious! I do think there are less and less differences nowadays between Indians raised in India and those of us raised here - it’s funny how X thought all Indian women want men to act a certain way.
hahah!! hilarious! but heylo, “don’t get married” shouldn’t be MARRIAGE advice, but GENERAL, sermon type advice, dontcha think??
this was funny as hell!! made my day !
Here here to taking the car out for servicing!!!
…and the mystery is solved.
By the way, I like your marriage advice. I stand by it wholeheartedly.
Hey…that comment was me…the one to which you responded:
Anonymous:
he’s probably learning the hard way…pun intended!
LOL. Wicked! Your mind works like mine
Don’t know why it didn’t display my screen name! Well…now you know who’s mind works like yours, TD!
That is so sad but when you think about it quite true.. I keep saying the same thing to everyone .. And no one seems to listen … Life is so nice when you are single .. You have all the choices which you can make ..
./thanks
ilaiy
That post was funny. Am smiling all the way after reading the post and the comments.
Seriously, now that I am married for some time, can share my experience. The wedding ceremony lasted till 5 AM, and after that, the bed was very inviting, but only for sleeping. And from more experience, bachelors have a lot of pre-conceptions of what will happen after marriage, and soon realize that maybe everything (99%) of what they assumed was wrong.
Darshni:
I share your concern. And just like you, I don’t know what could raise the awareness in general. I think as you said, lack of education could be root of this and several other problems. India is doing a lot to increase the literacy levels. But it is not enough
I am glad at least you have realistic view of the whole marriage thing.
visithra:
Nice to see a different view - n hillarious write up
Thank you!
most men don’t realise most women r actually afraid of sex
This has been my view point but I don’t often find guys who agree with me.
ive had friends who contemplated of running away from the wedding just for the vary reason
I can imagine
ive had friends who contemplated of running away from the wedding just for the vary reason
Exactly! LOL. Most guys are worried that by talking about their sex lives they are providing juicy mental imagery. I don’t quite understand their concern though. People who imagine things, they do whether you talk about it or not
Lera:
one thing men are good at,
Thank you.. you are one women who publicly admitted that men are good at something
Thanks for the compliments by the way.
Kalpana:
To talk is most important at first if they completely don’t know each other
I completely agree! Communication is the key.
Shadow in the Moonlight:
Boys grow up to be boys… nothin else seems to enter their heads…
LOL. You don’t have to worry.. you seem to have found a really wonderful person!
now that is one advice, I really like…
Well, too late
Nachi:
Thanks
Saranya Kishore:
I know I can have some laughs if I visit your page :–)
That is a great compliment! What I strive for in this blog. Thank you very much.
Rohini:
I don’t know about bedroom expectations 
I wonder if his opinion of what good Indian girls want has undergone a change too!
In general his opinions about women, wives and their responsibilities didn’t change much
Yashita:
good advice!!! I agree with u!:p but why didn’t YOU follow it too?:D
Ha ha. Sometimes you don’t know how murky the water is until you got your hands dirty
Varsha:
Ya right, husband in charge..that was the last generation mantra….
He he… tell me about it
jhantu:
Your post is wonderful, as usual
Dinah:
Thanks!
White Forest:
You won’t forget life’s hard lessons easily!
Exactly
Vani:
and is considered “normal”
You are right, unfortunately! Things and perceptions in India are changing but they need to change more!
Archana:
I do think there are less and less differences nowadays between Indians raised in India and those of us raised here
I think so too. But things are changing fast in India too. Most city-bread girls are learning think non-conventionally these days, which is good.
sneha:
hahah!! hilarious! but heylo, “don’t get married” shouldn’t be MARRIAGE advice, but GENERAL, sermon type advice, dontcha think??
You mean the kind where you have evangelists go around teaching people? I agree
Thanks for stopping by.
Pickled Olives:
Here here to taking the car out for servicing!!!
LOL. You wish..
Party Girl:
But not many people stand by it 
I wish you luck 
By the way, I like your marriage advice. I stand by it wholeheartedly.
A lot of people seem to like that advice
OrangeJammies:
Don’t know why it didn’t display my screen name! Well…now you know who’s mind works like yours, TD!
I should’ve guessed
ilaiy:
I keep saying the same thing to everyone .
Me too but nobody listens
Ashish:
can share my experience.
Ha ha. That is what I think most people can expect!
(99%) of what they assumed was wrong.
You are so right. People enter marriages with so many expectations and they will soon find out reality is much differnt. I hope people are better prepared to deal with the mismatch.. there won’t be so many failed marriages!
I loved your post … hahaha.. and loved X’s response to Y’s request for advice on marriage!!..
adding you to my blogroll!
ROTFL.. Awesome…
lol
love your blog!
Ha ha ha, indian wives respecting their husbands!!I cant read beyond that line. Got married recently and spent about an hour explaining to my aunt that my husband is NOT equal to go!! No way…
hahaha loved the way you wrote.
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