Little professors
Published October 1st, 2006There are two kinds of kids. The first kind, when they meet me for the first time, hide behind their moms and start crying. I don’t know why. But when the initial shock wears off, we become best buddies.
The other kind develops an instant desire to get on my nerves and drive me up the wall. They do this in various ways, using methods akin to medieval torture techniques. I met one such kid when I was visiting a colleague. The brat was about 4 years old, showed above average reading and torturing skills for his age.
When I entered the house, he looked innocuous enough, playing in the corner with his flash-cards. But as soon as he spotted me, he carefully approached his pray and camped near where his parents and I were trying to have a conversation. He started interrupting our conversation repeatedly by showing me the flash-cards of animals, which mostly looked Martian to me, and provided gratuitous information on their names and habitat.
After a while he figured the game was not interactive enough for him so he took the game up a notch. He started showing flash-cards and asking me to identify the animals. I identified them with ease. When I confidently announced “Ring-tailed lemur,” his father helpfully informed the brat, “Uncle is just reading off the flash-card.” The brat went, “Hey, you are not supposed to read off the card.” What? Are you expecting me to recognize a ring-tailed lemur? Do I look like an expert in… whatever subject that studies ungodly animals like ring-tailed lemurs?
Round three of the game constituted the brat covering the name of the animal and asking me to identify. At this point, I made my intentions not to be part of the fun clear by ignoring the brat. But it is hard to ignore him when he stood between me and his parents shoving a card in my face. I looked expectantly at his parents hoping they would say “Let uncle talk to us kanna.” But no. They were actually looked at me expectantly to answer the brat. After a brief to and fro exchange of expectant looks, they won.
Brat: OK, what is this?
Me: Deer
The brat smirked. I didn’t even know kids can smirk.
Brat: No, it’s an impala
I don’t know. They all look like frikking deer to me.
Brat: You don’t know the difference between deer and impala?
I wanted to tell the brat how much I care about the difference between impala and deer but I was afraid the brat may not understand the reference to rat’s ass. I looked at the parents hoping they would come to my rescue. They looked very amused, smiling proudly at the brat.
The pop-quiz continued.
Brat: What is this?
Me: Rhinoceros
Brat: No, rhinoceros
He corrected my pronunciation. Alarmed, I looked at the parents. Of course they are going to sternly admonish the brat not to be rude. Nope. They had their proud smile plastered on their faces.
Brat: What is this?
Me: Horse
Brat: What is it called in Telugu? (Telugu is my mother tongue)
Me: It’s called “gurram”
Brat: No it’s called “gurram” (Pronouncing it like an American)
The parents laughed out loud at the cuteness. I was not laughing. I was not mad at the brat. I was mad at the parents. I felt sad for the brat. He will grow up with the reinforcement that it is okay to be rude and it is okay to insist that he is right even when he is not.
Of course, a few minutes after that I suddenly remembered a very urgent matter I needed to tend to.
68 Responses to “Little professors”
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Hahahahaha…..
Wow Twisted DNA. The brat really twisted your grey cells….:)
:)
that is one persistent brat
and yeah I know all too well your suddenly-remembered important task 
)))))).
hehehhe
what was the “imortant task”?blogging about it?
oh well, you can’t help it when parents indulge their kids too much… just hope the kid gets a really nice teacher in school who can whack the rudeness out of him. (I work with kids, and during any PTA meeting the parents always complain… my kids never listen to what I say, but if I take your name (the teacher’s name) I get the work done!)
ROFL! I think the kid was cute too. May be because he was torturing you.
And I didnt know you couldn’t pronounce Rhinoceros :0
At least you got variety during the encounter. The child of some friends I visited a few years back knew the word “boat” and how to draw boats. So every five minutes I had a new drawing of a boat in my face accompanied by the screams of “Boat! Boat!”
I can’t stop laughing..its plain hilarious. fantabulously written. Well go study about animals before u encounter the next lil prof..:)
ha ha funny man! it happens everywhere - todays kids are overloaded due to information explosion, and above all the point is parents dont really know how to grow their kids adjusting to this information explosion!
An impala IS a kind of deer!
Take that, four-year-old!
hey! u also a Telugu? telugu is also my mother tongue (Naidu) haha…seriously kids whose parents don t even teach not to be rude may become rebellious in long run…i am actually scared of wat my offspring is capable of in future… hope he/she don t irriate my frenz
just wait till ur kid grpws up and teaches u the diff between the impala and the the deer
I find kids like that sooo annoying!! I just cant get what all my friends get out of hugging and cuddling them and calling them “cho chweeeet!!”
And I dont even want to start on such parents!
Send the little thing to me. I’ll work on him.
Sigh. Yet another candidate for the microwave.
LOL…real funny man!!!!
Spoilt brat…seemed cute…but spoilt anyways…and I agree parents need to tell kids when they are going over the board….
NB: My mother tongue is Telugu too my Gulti friend
Your experience with flash cards reminded me of the famous episode from Seinfield where George has this game with Bubble Boy. One of the questions was about the Moor conquest in Spain. And on the card there was a typo that said Moops. And George ecstacy knew no bounds when he thought that Bubbleboy’s answer Moor was the incorrect.And he kept on saying “You are wrong…the correct answer is MOOPS..M-O-O-P-S…that’s MOOPS”.
I think that the partents should’ve whacked the kid in question. Only then he might grow up to be a fine man. Otherwise he’ll be just another irritating fella.
Hilarious; Nice capturing the essence of those annoying “precocious” children. And you summed it up perfectly too; it’s too weird when you realize parents are raising their children to be generally unlikeable. What are they thinking?!
Have you ever punched a kid? It’s very gratifying. They don’t pop back up like those blow up clown punching bags. They stay down.
I’m gonna link to your blog. Care to return the favor?
Nate Smith
http://nateisablog.blogspot.com/
LOL!!
You described it so lively:-)That kids sounded a bit annoying, as well as his parents. They should’ve rescued you before you decided to run away:-) I can’t stand when my own son does that for a little too long with me forget about the same from others;-P(well not with flash card,just the babbling) Next time maybe you should test him on something he is not skilled to torture others yet;-)
Hi,
Not visiting ur blog for the first time, but commenting for the first time though. I once visited a house where there was a kid(?) who, when i was talking to his parents slapped me hard on my face (trying to be playful), and i could just see stars and some non-existent planets for the next 1 hour. Though now it sounds funny, and even i laugh at it a lot of times, I was so angry with his parents that day when they just asked him to go in and play. Thank God I didn’t have a revolver in my hand then, or else i would have been writing this from the jail…
Oh god, I’m never having kids. I’m never having kids because I don’t want to be the subject of a blog post one day about parents who think their kids are the god damned grestest thing ever.
it’s the parents. they have a skewed up sense of pride.
You nailed this situtation. Unfortunately, this scenario plays out ALL the time. Kids are little shits everywhere I go.
Hi ,first time here!
I am a proud mother of two wonderful kids!! They get everything they NEED and get only some of what they WANT!!If parents can’t differenciate betn the two, get ready for a TERRIBLE tween and teen yrs!!:D:D
Btw, I tell my kids to say they are “Indo-Americans” or “my parents are from India”!! If they say they are Indian Americans,Other kids make this noise like Native American war cry,ask them ‘where is ur feather’!!!! Sad, isn’t it?! ( I am referring to your profile)
Hi ,first time here!
I am a proud mother of two wonderful kids!! They get everything they NEED and get only some of what they WANT!!If parents can’t differenciate betn the two, get ready for a TERRIBLE tween and teen yrs!!:D:D
Btw, I tell my kids to say they are “Indo-Americans” or “my parents are from India”!! If they say they are Indian Americans,Other kids make this noise like Native American war cry,ask them ‘where is ur feather’!!!! Sad, isn’t it?! ( I am referring to your profile)
Never under-estimate the kids-are-so-cute-taken-for-granted scenario. Most kids are little $hit bricks and I still need to learn how to politely tell the proud parents that I couldnt care less about their tarts
Haha. I think the ones who were spoilt were the parents, since they’re the ones who actually take pleasure in torturing their friends with their ‘homemade weapons’. Did you piss them off at some point?
oh God…..
I had a fun time reading this, I Spoiled Brats are becoming the norm of the day,you get to see a whole lot of such brats everywhere . Some parents fail to set boundaries especially when they are visiting a friend or a family thinking that the world revolves around their little spoiled brats…..hee hee…:)
hope the brat has not tweaked your sense of humour…;)
Sunil Parmar:
Hey, welcome here.
Sush:
Haha. Ya, I need to start to make a list of “possible suddenly remembered urgent things”, so I won’t have to serach for an excuse when in need.
La vida Local:
“what was the “imortant task”?blogging about it?”
ROFL. YOu know, the thought that it could be a good post did cross my mind
Shadow in the Moonlight:
You are right. The kids are genuinely nice, its the parents that spoil them. I am glad at least some of them are afraid of the teacher!
Anu:
Haha. DOn’t worry, there are enough “cute” people here (who torture me, that is) grr
I can never pronounce English the American way, as much as I try
Alan:
ROFL!! Boat, boat! After the third time, it’s hard to find new ways to appreicate a boat, I guess!
Pallavi:
Haha. Life’s full of surprises, I am sure the next brat wants to talk about cars or something which I don’t have any clue about. I think my best bet would be to be ready with a list of “instant excuses”
indianangel:
You are right about information explosion, they know too much. That shouldn’t prevent their parents from decplining them though
Spider Girl:
“An impala IS a kind of deer!”
Really? I didn’t know that. I wish that kid gave me a “Call a friend” life line. I could’ve called you
my life…:
Hey fellow gulti. I think as long as you are conscious of the fact that kids can irritate your friends, you won’t let it happen!
Shreemoyee:
Hmmm. Good point. May be I should home school him so he and I are equal footing
Strictly for my friends:
Ya, a lot of people have skewed definition of “cute.” But the parents are to blame for the kids’ behavior.
OrangeJammies:
“Yet another candidate for the microwave.”
Haha. You are way too sweet to be tough with kids. I can’t imagine you even being serious with them!
dumbdodi:
Ok, ok. Whack is too strong. May be “descipline” them 
Hey fellow gultian. tell? They need to whack the kids
Bishu:
Hahaha. George is hilarious. He get competitive with that kid!
“I think that the partents should’ve whacked the kid in question”
You and I see eye-to-eye on this issue
gnightgirl:
“What are they thinking?!”
They probalby got lost thinking about how cute their son is! The alarming part is, this seems to be a growing trend!
Nate Smith:
Thanks for the link Nate. Quite an honor to be liked by a professional comedian. I will add your link too.
mommyof2:
“That kids sounded a bit annoying”
Understatement!!
Ya, I should’ve tested the kid. Better yet, I should’ve tested his parents! Next time I go to their place, I am taking my own set of flash cards, for the paretns
Krish:
Oh my god, I just died laughing! I am so sorry. As soon as I read that slapping thing, I started laughing. But I can imagine how outraged you could’ve been. Man, his parents need to be slapped silly!
Thanks for the comment. Keep visiting!
Jamie:
“I’m never having kids.”
You should have kids. It will be fun to see little Jamies, with your sarcasm and wit! I don’t think they will be spoilt.
rads:
Exactly! I can’t imagine anybody being proud of that behavior!
Pickled Olives:
“Kids are little shits everywhere I go.”
Ya, that is the problem. It’s a growing trend
Foodie’s Hope:
“They get everything they NEED and get only some of what they WANT”
That’s the best parenting technique I heard in recent times!
You are right. We cna’t expect many people to know the difference between Indian-american and American-Indian!
Prasad:
LOL@$hit bricks.
“I still need to learn how to politely tell the proud parents that I couldnt care less about their tarts ”
If you do learn, please pass on the secret to me
Video:
“Did you piss them off at some point?”
I am working on my own home-made weapon. My kid, I mean
Kalpana:
My words exactly
Lera:
Ya, these days spoilt brats are everywhere you see! I think these kids can be easily taught to behave well, if hte parents tried.
“hope the brat has not tweaked your sense of humour”
I don’t think my sense of humor can be twisted any further
ha ha - so had a great time learning wierd animals! haven’t any kid taken u thru their rhyme reciting sessions!! esp the ones that are prompted by the parents! on a more undertanding note, may be sometimes it is difficult for the parents to tell off their kids as they feel they may be curbing their natural enthusiasm & exuberance. may be on our part we may tolerate such antics for may be 5-7 minutes & then say politely, now why don’t u go and play by yourself if the parent doesn’t take the initiative to remove teh kid from the scene. or may be challenge such kids to a story writing task of not less than 10000 words!!!
Oh some kids can be such pests. This was an “intellectual” teaser u met but there was one 4 yr old who took to smacking my butt every time we met ( talk about starting young)
His parenst would not tick him off. After a while, my hubby came to my rescue!
How annoying! Though I gotta say, I would pick this kid over ArtNavy’s tormentor!
What I don’t get is how a parent can just quietly stand by and let his/her kid be a nuisance! Reminds me of an “Everybody loves Raymond” episode where this really annoying kid comes to play with the twins, really pisses Ray off, and the parents just look on proudly, calling their son a genius!
hey kids ar ereally cute…you dont even able to shout on them even if they do slilliest things…
was standing in the checkout line at barnes & noble. a kid (about 8?) was there w/his grandma (i think). the grandma had picked up a sudoku book and was pronouncing it “soduko” or something like that. the 8-year old had to, of course, correct her. grandma kept teasing him by continuing to mispronounce the word. he would have to correct her *every* time — his voice would get louder and louder, enunciating each syllable very slowly, as he’s trying to get his “stupid” grandma to say it correctly. i was going batty! of course, i blame grandma the most as she found it very amusing. i did not…
Oh I try, TD, I really try. It’s sometimes funny watching me trying to be serious, and most times I want to hug them before I finish my stern sentence, but I do try and sometimes I succeed!
hahahaha…i can completely understand your pain and fustration…and its not exaguarated either! I’ve experienced that aswell! I recall a fourteen year old girl “smirking” at her fathers praise of how well she does in school, And making ignorant remarks of Australia’s schooling system, and how I probably didn’t know as much at her age! pft! To feed your child with useless knowledge of “memorising” theories and pointless trivia, WILL NOT make her intelliegent, just perhaps a robot that cannot think for themselves!
If i was you…i would’ve told them…wow! you’re child is amazingly smart…and then start asking random questions about animals that he wouldn’t understand…just a bit of harmless fun! I confess I’ve done that on a few occasions!
hehe..
darsh
The parents displayed a sure-fire way to make the child a definite failure. At home, his parents would acknowlege his every remark with an encouraging smile even when he is wrong. When this kid grows up and goes out with his friends, it would come as a shock to him if his jokes are just waved off as stupid remarks. When the home becomes too much of the protective oyster, kids don’t really learn how to play and win in the big, bad world—just my two cents
DNA:
I am glad you had more patience answering to each and every queries by tiny tot.
If it was me, I wud definitely be harsh on his parents who never bothered to to stop playing nutty showing too smart.
Some parents like to show off and even if they do not know, they love to see their friends or strangers freaking out with their kids queries.
I wonder why you are always targetted from idli to general knowledge. Poor u!!!
lovely post! very very very well written.. candid, indeed!
well, the kid dint get on my nerves… probably cos’ you went through it and all i did was read about your experience! the kid sounded totally cute though! hehe. he was probably a lil too bored and maybe kids just love you, so…
the parents — well, no comments!
keep writing…
cheers!
that was a generous shower of compliments again..
totally! i’m really really lucky to be a part of the band..
if you’re online now, shall we work on the linking my multiply site to blogger thingy? (if you’ve got nothing else to do now, that is)
**I wanted to tell the brat how much I care about the difference between impala and deer but I was afraid the brat may not understand the reference to rat’s ass.
ROFL!
well I know wut u mean..there r some smart-ass kids. Goshhh u should meet my 5yr old niece and 3yr old nephew! They drive me up the walls. LOL!
btw Impala is a Deer to me too..so chill
:)
And I agree, parents should put a break on kids who r being rude like that. It’s not really a good way to bring up kids. U gotta set them limits.
Keshi.
LOL!! Real Smart Asses Little Boy!! But they all are these days arent they? Maybe its something to do with the food rather than the genes…………? (smile)
Nice Post!!!
What IS a ring tailed lemur anyways???
Phew, and parents dnt knw where to draw the line. They think kids like these are smart..!
I have a neat, simple solution to that. When kids come visiting with their parents, I set up the jigsaw puzles and the soft toys in the study.
One set of parents outdid me.. the 2 mothers insisted on staying with the kids in the study - the whole evening!!!
Dont even ask what i did as the hostess with 2 of my guests in the study and another lady guest and my colleagues.. waiting for them in the living room.
The kid, yes, one can be sorry for him.
He was a brat indeed. have met some like that myself, parents thin it is cute but I think it is annoying.I love children but the child has to be taught not to interrupt a conversation and not be so bratty. he is going to grow up wanting all the attention he can get.
been there, seen that…but makes me sometimes wonder if Karma does work…Ages ago am sure i wud have been the subject of such a blog had blogging existed then!!!
been there, seen that…but makes me sometimes wonder if Karma does work…Ages ago am sure i wud have been the subject of such a blog had blogging existed then!!!
itchingtowrite:
Haha, asking them to write a story sounds like a good idea. I actually don’t mind engaging in whatever antics the kids want to engage in. But I am not a particular fan of kids being rude and their parents being oblivious of it.
artnavy:
ROFL! Sorry, couldn’t stop laughing at smacking! LOL@”starting young”. That would’ve annoyed the hell out of me. How come the kids’ parents allowed it!
Nee:
I agree! Artnavy got the worst kind. Some parents don’t understand that not all “cute” behavior is “polite” behavior.
Tanushree:
Hey welcome to the blog.
That is the problem! It is socially unacceptable to shout at them
si:
That is so sad. It might be be cute now but the kid is going to get quite obnoxious pretty soon. The worse part is, the kid will think it’s ok to correct anybody he pleases.
OrangeJammies:
You are too easy going to take kids’ antics seriously 
He he he. Ya, I didn’t think so
Darsh from Oz:
You touched on an interesting point. Flash Cards. I don’t really think they are good for the kid. He might be able to memorize the names of the animals, but may be giving him more hands-on toys is useful for his mental growth.
It may be true that the kids have more “general knowledge” than we had at their age, but we were better at some other things the kid is not. I think parents need to help kids understand that every person is unique in his/her own way.
Rujul:
Hey welcome!
You put it right, the “protective oyster” will vanish as soon as the kids enters the real world. There people don’t try to be put up with the kid like “TD Uncle.” They will smakck him if he insults anybody. Parents are setting him up to learn it the hard way.
lol…easy going and ME??? Only with people under 3!
priya:
I don’t miss an opportunity to exercise my sarcasm 
“I wonder why you are always targetted from idli to general knowledge. Poor u!!!”
LOL. I don’t think I am targeted more than others. I think I whine more than others though
Harini:
The kids’ cute eh? I should introduce you to the kid. Or rather, we should introduce you to the kid arnavy mentioned (see comment above). haha.
I don’t think this specific kid loved this very uncooperative uncle though
Keshi:
Hey, welcome back from break. Glad to see you back.
I wish I knew that impala is a kind of deer. Oh what’s the use. The kid would’ve corrected my pronunciation of deer anyway
Calabar Gal:
LOL. You got a nice theory there. That explains why more and more kids are becoming smartasses these days. May be it’s the global warming
R.E.B.E.L:
You are not pronouncing it right. It’s not “leh-myoor” it’s “lee-mur”. Oh, just kidding ya
Thinking your kid is smart is OK I guess as long as they don’t try to out-smart the guests!
How do we know:
Hmm. Jigsaw puzzle sounds like a good idea. I hope kids don’t bring the pieces to me to identify what piece that is
LOL@at your plight of dealing with guests separating into two groups. I would probalby go sit at my computers. Each group assumes I am with the other
starry nights:
You are right, “I am the center of attention” symdrome kind of gets on the nerves. Our kid is starting to show signs of it too! But fortunately we were warned of this behavior by some of the books we read and we are prepared to deal with it.
-T-Sme:
Welcome.
It’s you!!
Oh don’t feel left out, what if they din’t have blogs, I am sure they talked about you
Just teasing ya.
I am sure your kids grew up to be wonderful people!
neat post…
1… i hate being called an uncle… but it still happens… i am young 25
2… i wish my parents were as enamoured by me …but soehow i was always set right…
3… kids should not be taken to the zoo
nda,
haven’t you heard, people living in glass houses….?
Perhaps a better time to blog this would be when our kids have graduated and are officially beyond the risk of embarassing us as 4 yr olds (but still very likely to embarass us as teens), don’t you think? I’ve known ppl who’ve been fairly intolerant of kids, and now can’t help gloating over how cute/smart/wonderful their kids are. And yes, their “can’t the parents chide the kids??!” was invariably followed by a “we’d never let our kid be like that”. Just thought I’d make you aware of the trap 
-g
You’ve been tagged:-)
the vestige:
“.. kids should not be taken to the zoo”
ROFL. That is so funny.
Being called an uncle for the first time is like crossing a line. It’s all downhill from that point on
gauri:
I think I can tell when the parents are not able to control the kid versus when they are enjoying the torture session. But what you say is right too. It doesn’t mean that my kid won’t turn out to be that way too. I will watch out for blog entries from my friends 
You have to take a leap of faith here and for a moment believe that I am not completely stupid
mommyof2:
Will oblige. To write all the weird things about me, I may have to start a new blog
tnxx!
:) lol yes he wud have…
Keshi.
Kids are the one tribe in this world who can make me- and all others, like u- nervous.
Gr8 narration. What do u you do for a living? Are you too, like me, into creative writing?
Just curious.
tagged- pls check my post Heights & do something similar.
Makes me wanna go and pop out two more..just for the hell of it!
Downhill from there… you should probably read ” Adrian Mole : weapons of mass destruction” …one of the most hillarious novels…infact my latest post has a hint of him in myself…thts scary
59 comments? :O
It’s a bit unsettling to see so many folks not like kids….and that too for all the wrong reasons!
Kulpreet:
Hey thanks for the compliment. It’s nice to hear that from an author!
Professionally I am into software and I promise you there is nothing creative I do there either
itchingtowrite:
That is an interesting tag. I will try to do it. I am not sure if I can write cute things though
Mary Poppins:
LOL
the vestige:
I didn’t read that novel. Judging from your post, he must have a good humorous style
rads:
I think all the commenters actually like kids in general. But there definitely are certain qualities of kids and parents that annoy us all. Generally there is no place to vent such annoyances. People are just using this opportunity to vent that’s all
lol…I no it is no laughin matter…but really.I do pity u! hahhaa…good lord! at least U tolerated that brat for so long…I would’ve had committed suicide prolly!!hehhee…there is this lil kid who really likes to sit on my gymin cycle…tho his tiny feet never reach the foot pedal! one day he asked, “what is this?” pointin towards the pedal…now, he was only 3 yrs old and I didn’t know if i should burden him with new, difficult words, so I think I said something like, foot rest or something…guess wat this brat does? he looks at me and starts laffin and then says, “it is not xyz, it is a pedal! you don’t know this much?” wtf! I just picked him up and deposited him at his place!
yashita:
“it is not xyz, it is a pedal! you don’t know this much?”
ROFL!
Tsk. Tsk. Yashita, I figured you are smart and at least know a pedal from xyz
LOLz…..man kids can be so freakingly irritating!!And at times, more than the kids, its their parents who are so irritating…grrr…at those moments I feel like giving a rap on their asses..crazy creatures!!!!!!!!!
the scary part is theres a whole new generation of such parents - who allow n encourage their children to be rude - i so hate them
tell me about that.
phew.. there is one of my father’s colleagues, whose daughter ( no idea of the age) is very irritiating..
But a lil different though, she says embarresing stuff to me all the time in front of everyone! Somethings like ” how did you become so fat?”
“you know if you eat so much you will become fat”
“i don’t want the caramel custard, coz i will become fat ”
What the hell!
i think she has fat-to-phobia at such a young age! she told me once that she didn’t eat coz she was afraid of becoming fat and i was like .. u r a KID and you can’t talk properly but you do think too much!