When software engineers in California are not dreaming about going skinny dipping with Angelina Jolie, they are dreaming about making millions of dollars by starting a software company. I do too. I mean the latter part.
I have an idea for this wonderful software. I don’t know how to make the software yet, but a like a true day dreamer, I prepared the packing and the feature list for the software. Let me share my idea with you.
What is Craptastic?
Craptastic is an amazing new software that reads a Bollywood (or other Indian movie) DVD and makes it into a movie that is actually watchable. All you have to do is pop the DVD into your computer, run the software, burn a DVD and watch it! You will never have to hurt your fingers again by holding the “2x” button for one and half hours.
- Using modern and complex algorithms, this software makes Aishwarya Roy look like she is almost acting
- Searches each frame and digitally puts a shirt on Salman Khan’s disgusting bare body
- Since most songs are rip off of English songs, those songs will be replaced by original English songs
- Using digital pattern recognition mechanism, this software makes dying characters die as soon as they say, “I am dying” sparing the viewer the 10 minute monologue
- By a patented new technology called ChildAgeCorrect, this software adds realism to movies by making children look at least as old as the dialogs they are spewing out. Warning: Most kids in movies will look 18
- Coat color correction: Rich people in the movie will wear normal gray, blue or black suits instead of orange, green or lavender.
- We all know how distracting those protean sweat patches under the armpits of heroes and heroines that are changing in every frame. This softwake make them look exactly the same in every frame
- (Only for Tamil movies) Applies strategic pixallation in fight scenes where the hero is wearing a lungi.
- And many more features!
Bonus software included:
MovieExperience is a great fun software that comes free with Craptastic. Applying MovieExperience will enhance the sound track so that your movie watching experience is closer to watching in a theater. Some features include:
- Adds the voice of the annoying guy talking in the back row
- Adds crying babies (up to 8)
- Adds the voice of that 12 year old girl who already saw the movie and providing a preview of the upcoming scene
- Adds whistles and hoots when the heroine’s pallu drops
- After the movie ends, it adds instant reviews in real voices like, “What a load of crap,” “I want my money back” etc.