Indian Party – Blow by Blow at Twisted DNA

Indian Party – Blow by Blow

Published June 30th, 2006

T – 2 weeks	An evite for a kid’s first birthday arrives. You can count on the following things in the evite: picture of the kid, Indian restaurant venue and a shot at bland humor
T – 3 days	Evite reminder begging people to RSVP as half the people didn’t bother to respond
T + 00:01	Some guests, who haven’t yet learnt the meaning of Indian Standard Time, arrive and start searching for the hosts
T + 00:30	The hosts arrive with the kid. The kid is dressed in some suffocating miniature traditional Indian dress. The kid looks as if he is going to cry any moment and the parents assure the guests, “He is a little uncomfortable but he will be fine”
T + 00:31	The kid starts crying
T + 01:00	Majority of the guests start trickling in, an hour late, completely oblivious that they are actually late
T + 01:05	All kids start running around the function hall, chasing each other, bumping into chairs, tripping over wires and knocking over drinks.
T + 01:10	People try to make small talk, shouting over the high-pitched Hindi music played loudly through the cheap speakers provided by the restaurant
T + 01:15	The appetizers arrive. Typically it’s Pakora + coconut chutney + some red mystery chutney.
T + 01:30	The cake is brought out and left on the table. Kids start hovering like fruit flies with their fingers itching to poke the cake as soon as possible
T + 01:45	Hosts and guests gather around the cake. The birthday kid starts crying uncontrollably, terrified by all the commotion
T + 01:50	Screams are heard as the designated photographer pushes through the crowd mercilessly crushing peoples toes
T + 01:55	Hosts freak the kid out more by shouting “blow the candles, blow the candles” and shoving the kid close to the candles, at which point the kid flaps desperately trying to jump out of their hands
T + 2:00	Of course, the cacophony of 50 people singing Happy Birthday in 60 different pitches
T + 2:10	Just when people start feeling faint because of starvation, the dinner buffet is ready
T + 2:11	Some non-Indians look quite confused as they thought the appetizers were the actual dinner and have already finished their “dinner.”
T + 2:15	People, having had their dinner and nothing else to do, start to leave

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18 Responses to “Indian Party – Blow by Blow”

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1 Shreemoyee Jun 30th, 2006 at 3:47 pm

I gather the table is compiled from years of experience at this kind of thing
2 Twisted DNA Jun 30th, 2006 at 4:08 pm

Shreemoyee: Your guess is actually true It’s from many parties I attended… and from the ones I hosted

We through a party for my dad’s 60th birthday and arrived 10 minutes late at the venue. There was one couple already waiting for us. It was very embarrassing. He (the guy in the couple) worked for Indian Army for a long time, by the way… I should’ve guessed he would be on time
3 nithya Jul 2nd, 2006 at 5:53 am

hehe….sounds like every kid party every thrown….
attended a colleague’s kid’s birthday party…there were more adults than kids!!!
4 Ilaiy Jul 2nd, 2006 at 1:18 pm

I always have made it a point to give all the possible lame excuses for any of these parties. I have just been for one a while back and drives me insane ..

./thanks
ilaiy
5 harshavardhan reddy Jul 5th, 2006 at 7:28 am

that was quite an analysis. t’was funny.
And hey!!! whats abt da pic in ur profile???
6 Twisted DNA Jul 5th, 2006 at 11:06 am

My profile pic is Alfred E.Neuman. A picture that stood for freedom of speech and crass humor for several decades. I am a big fan of Mad magazine, for which Alfred E. Neuman is like a logo.
7 Saranya Kishore Jul 5th, 2006 at 12:33 pm

Gud one! :–)
8 mahati Jul 5th, 2006 at 8:27 pm

good one and very true:)
9 nithya Jul 5th, 2006 at 9:56 pm

i still dont see any archives
10 Prasad Jul 6th, 2006 at 6:38 pm

Rocking man!!!
11 Sakshi Jul 8th, 2006 at 10:26 pm

You can actually write a thesis on it. Have you considered the option?

:)
12 Twisted DNA Jul 9th, 2006 at 11:24 pm

@saranya, mahati, prasad: Thanks guys! Any encouragement will result in more posts! You have been warned.

Nithya: You are right! I can’t see the archives in IE! Ok, back to debugging.

Sakshi: LOL. Yes, one could write a thesis. A lot of people already think I am weird because I spend a lot of time thinking about things nobody else cares about. If I start writing theses on these things… I don’t know what people will think of me!
13 Vidya Jul 11th, 2006 at 9:39 pm

So true, So true.I wisely decided against subjecting myself and my soon-to-be-one kid to the ordeal of a b’day party.

You should start a Desi Mad mag. ‘Pagal’ with a Desi Neumann on cover sounds interesting
14 Twisted DNA Jul 13th, 2006 at 11:26 pm

Vidya: LOL@the “Pagal” magazine idea. Why did not think about it How would we translate the “What, me worry?” tag line? “mai aur pareshaan?”
15 Apy Jul 27th, 2006 at 2:34 am

hahaah.. that was nostalgic…lol…. been at so many such parties wen i was a kid…hehe….
16 dharmu Aug 3rd, 2006 at 11:55 am

a very true desi party in the firangi land!

i was seen nodding my head with comet speed and i think i already have a iced-thick-brainshake in my upper chamber.

*lol*
17 Alan Sep 6th, 2006 at 5:28 pm

Sounds just like the movies.
18 Strange Reader Nov 22nd, 2006 at 9:29 am

I had actually been one such party and God, do I want to go to another ???
NO.

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